Words for My Enjoyment

Today’s Thoughts About Liver

April 8th, 2008

I don’t know anyone who likes eating liver.

When I was a kid, my parents often threatened me with liver & onions if I didn’t eat my salad. Thing is, my salad was often drowned in Thousand Island Dressing, which is like ketchup and ranch dressing mixed together, which makes eating huge pieces of iceberg lettuce really hard. So you can imagine, being faced with finishing drenched salad or eating liver & onions and you can imagine where the fear came from.

That’s why liver has never been my bedfellow.

While etymologists (professional word-study folks) will tell you that the root of the word liver is “live” and that by consuming liver you are going to be living a longer life; but it’s just a big scam. Next to water, liver is the most abundant item on the face of the Earth. That’s right, there’s more liver than ore, there’s more liver than McDonald’s chain restaurants and there’s definitely more liver than screws. The world governments were well aware of this in 1956 when they pioneered and introduced “the greatest new dinner entre ever” — liver and onions.

And the world would never be the same.

Sure, adding onions to things like eggs and carne asada is a helpful addition. Adding onions to liver is sort of like adding garlic to bread — it’s because the first food item is so plain on its own that it needs to be pumped up by a better taste. In fact, some even say that adding the onions to liver is sort of like marrying the wrong person. In the end, all you’re going to end up with is a noxious combination that will most likely end up in divorce (or indigestion). Or both.

I don’t like liver.

But I like onions.

And I wish the two would never cross paths.

Here’s some quotes I’ve overheard while in public places lately that confirm that the world is sick of being forced into a world populated by liver.

Man: “I hate liver, what about you?”
Woman: “Yeah, me too. I sort of feel like it’s being forced on me.”
Man: “It’s like you’re being beaten to a bloody pulp by liver.”
Woman: “So you feel it, too?”

Salesman: “All shirts are 20% off, and they don’t come with any liver.”
Woman: “These would look great on my husband. Thank god there’s no liver being forced on me as I buy them for him.”
Salesman: “Yes, Maam. We stopped forcing liver on the shirt-buying public in ‘99.”

Young Girl: “I like Elmo.”
Young Boy: “Me too. I don’t like liver though.”
Young Girl: “My mommy tries to force liver on me but I say no.”
Young Boy: “Just say no!”

See?

Posted under David Hasselhoff, Food, Liver, Onions. |