WFME’s FAQ in Progress

WFME gets a lot of questions a lot of the time.

That’s why, effective immediately, I’m crafting the FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) for the site. Today, I’ve decided to post some of the questions I’ve received and start by answering them after the break. Just click on in there and you’ll get a chance to learn the answers to some of WFME’s most asked questions.

Remember, if you don’t like the answers or you’re unhappy I’ve printed your questions, your only options are to ignore me completely or file a FAQ-attack through the appropriate factions (www.faqattack.com). Otherwise, just sit back and learn the answers to potentially some of the questions you’ve had but were afraid to ask about.

Q: What do you have against Abercrombie & Fitch?

A: When I was still in college I had this huge crush on a sorority girl. When I first met her I was wearing an A&F pair of acid-washed faux-ripped jeans and a tight A&F pre-crumpled/wrinkled muscle T. That night, I hooked up with said sorority girl and it was an awesome experience only made better by her providing me her phone number. I called and arranged a date and when I picked her up for said date I noticed a look of disappointment in her eyes. After that date, she never returned my calls. Later, a friend of hers admitted the reason for her avoiding me. Seems on our second date I wore a pair of GAP jeans and a button down shirt from Banana Republic. I wasn’t the A&F guy she thought I was, and lost interest immediately.

Q: What does your name stand for?

A: Surprisingly, although most people think I was named after the Pauls in the Bible, I was not. My name actually has much more significant meaning to it as I will lay out here. First of all, Paul comes from “Apollo (or Apaullo) Creed” — the character from Rocky (which won the Academy Award for Best Picture in 1971…the year of my birth). Since my parents loved that movie and really enjoyed the character of Apollo Creed (who was cocky but then realized the error of his ways when Rocky bested him in the ring) — they gave me my first name after Apollo (which sounds like A-Paul-o). Also, years later, my parents would give me (for a birthday) a descriptive meaning for my name. Breaking it down as follows: P is for Persistence. A is for audacity. U is for Unwavering. And L is for the Achille Lauro — a passenger liner most remembered for being hijacked in 1985 — the year I hijacked my parents and made them take me to see Back to the Future.

Q: Would you ever consider selling the domain name for your site for $10,000?

A: No. I have had many people ask if they could buy this domain name, yet none of them ever happen to be a Paul Davidson. They’re mostly companies selling propecia or other hair-growth drugs. I have also had big-head companies who sell big hats and what not for big-headed people ask to buy my domain since I am apparently the one-stop psychological site for big headed folks. I will say this now and never again — I will not accept anything less than $50,000 for my domain name.

Q: What’s black and blue and red all over?

A: For those under 12, a newspaper. For those over 12 and younger than 18 — a dead skunk in the middle of the road. For those over 18, a baby in a blender. For those over 30, an aborted baby in a blender. For those 40 – 50, a newspaper.

Q: What happened to your whole posting every single day thing?

A: When I stopped getting paid per post, I decided it was a waste of my time to post every single day.

Q: Who paid you for each post?

A: AOL.

Q: AOL paid you to post? Isn’t this a personal blog?

A: No.

Q: Why not? Can you explain more?

A: You might get mad.

Q: Please?

A: Okay. Here’s the thing. From the years 2003-2005, it was a personal blog. But when I sold my book to Warner Books (a division of Time Warner/AOL), the multi-conglomerate agreed that the site was a good tool for selling books. They wanted me to keep fresh posts each day. So, we struck a deal. They would pay me $50 a day for one post a day, thus — $250 a week. That came out to be quite a bit over the year, plus they paid me $100 for each post that mentioned the words “warner”, “bread bowl” or “anesthesia.” Apparently, Time Warner/AOL owns the rights to bread bowls and some anesthesia-based products. Anyway, after the book did its thing (around mid to late 2007), the payment went away. I’m currently in talks with another major company (cough, Paramount/Viacom/MTV), who we’re negotiating with to start a new payment scenario back up. As long as I write at least 4 posts a week about The Hills and/or Lauren Conrad / Spencer Pratt…and one post a week for whatever I want…I may be getting paid about $75 a post. So, more on that as it develops.

Q: Have you ever wished you were a fictitious animal, and if so what kind?

A: Unicorn and/or Centaur.

Q: Do you really eat things out of the garbage and off the floor?

A: Yes. Mostly cookies, leftover cereal and other sugary treats. Every once in awhile I’ll eat a half eaten chicken drumstick out of the trash. Usually, running any of the above items under hot water will get rid of the germs.

Q: Have you ever dated/been linked to dating certain celebrities?

A: I am continually linked to Sarah Michelle Gellar and Mr. T. I once had a “moment” with Dina Meyer and stood next to Sally Field at a bar (at a party) where she seemed overly concerned about having to leave a tip at an open bar. I once dreamed that I went out on a date with Punky Brewster’s Soliel Moon Frye.

Q: Do you have any new books in the works?

A: I have three books all in different states of development. Two are humor books (A Brief History of My Shoulder and Goldilocks Say WHAT?) and one period drama novel set in the late 1700’s around the time of our country’s independence called The Boston Flea Party: 10 Stories About Insects in the Days of Independence. While I’m always excited about the humor books, the third project has already been sold to an unnamed publisher (and is copyrighted in case you’re thinking of stealing the idea) and has ten chapters that are each dedicated to what different insect families were doing during the times of our struggle against the British for independence. My favorite I’ve written so far is Chapter 6, which is all about termites in 1776. Would you believe our founding fathers had to use a different table on which to sign the Declaration of Independence since the other one Alexander Hamilton chose was wobbly from termite infestation? Pretty wild and interesting stuff.

Q: Do you have any moles?

A: Lots of them. One, in particular, looks like a dog wearing a top hat, standing atop the Eiffel Tower.

2 comments on “WFME’s FAQ in Progress

  1. shrinkingisaac - March 31, 2008 at 4:52 pm -

    What’s with bogarting Rocky from it’s rightful year (my birthyear) – 1976?

  2. Pauly D - March 31, 2008 at 5:45 pm -

    Seems my parents lied to me about my ’71 origins.

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