The Auto-Eater Driver’s Test
March 27th, 2008
I have a problem with auto-eaters.
These are the people who drive with one hand (or no hands) and ingest their entire lunch in the process. They are worse than makeupper-drivers, cellphoner-drivers and lostaquarterintheseat-drivers. They are truly the most dangerous thing on the road.
That’s why, if you ask me — everyone who is an auto-eater should be given an additional written test when they go to get their license (and periodically throughout their driving career) to ensure they know what to do in a myriad of situations. That is why WFME would like to present to you the Auto-Eater Driver’s Examination Test.
Please, answer the questions only if you surely know the answers.
Well, being one of the few autmotively challenged LAers, this means nothing to me. Nothing, that is, other than a good solid laugh. I declare this officially fun!
Comment by Fun Joel — March 27, 2008 @ 3:27 pm
Joel - You know you’ve almost hit some schoolchildren while downing a messy churro in a school zone.
Comment by Pauly D — March 27, 2008 @ 3:30 pm
I like that you have tags for both “Taco Bell” and “Carl’s Jr.”
Very classy.
Comment by Marleigh — March 27, 2008 @ 6:12 pm
I admit, I used to be an auto-eater. I was never able to manage a whole sandwich, but I definitely munched on fries while stopped at red lights.
You need not worry though. I have a new (well, ALMOST new) car that I don’t want to get crumbs in. My auto-eater days are over.
Comment by Stacey — March 28, 2008 @ 6:37 am
not to be a stickler for technicalities but if someone just purchased all that potato salad at a supermarket, wouldn’t presumably their car already be in a spot outside the store? Is it a question of parking before buying the salad or after? I am confused on that one but I do know this, if you eat it in the car better put the air on or that mayo will spoil quickly and the question will be what road rules apply to a driver racing to the ER while also vomiting out the window.
Comment by Jerry — March 28, 2008 @ 6:42 am
Question: Is Whole Foods chicken salad good? I’m afraid of mayo that isn’t mine.
Rule: It is only okay to auto-eat one-handed foods that are not sticky, slippery, drippy or require utensils. And you have to be very hungry and a good driver to start with.
Comment by Susan — March 28, 2008 @ 12:16 pm