The Auto-Eater Driver’s Test

I have a problem with auto-eaters.

These are the people who drive with one hand (or no hands) and ingest their entire lunch in the process. They are worse than makeupper-drivers, cellphoner-drivers and lostaquarterintheseat-drivers. They are truly the most dangerous thing on the road.

That’s why, if you ask me — everyone who is an auto-eater should be given an additional written test when they go to get their license (and periodically throughout their driving career) to ensure they know what to do in a myriad of situations. That is why WFME would like to present to you the Auto-Eater Driver’s Examination Test.

Please, answer the questions only if you surely know the answers.

7 comments on “The Auto-Eater Driver’s Test

  1. Fun Joel - March 27, 2008 at 3:27 pm -

    Well, being one of the few autmotively challenged LAers, this means nothing to me. Nothing, that is, other than a good solid laugh. I declare this officially fun!

  2. Pauly D - March 27, 2008 at 3:30 pm -

    Joel – You know you’ve almost hit some schoolchildren while downing a messy churro in a school zone.

  3. Marleigh - March 27, 2008 at 6:12 pm -

    I like that you have tags for both “Taco Bell” and “Carl’s Jr.”

    Very classy.

  4. Stacey - March 28, 2008 at 6:37 am -

    I admit, I used to be an auto-eater. I was never able to manage a whole sandwich, but I definitely munched on fries while stopped at red lights.

    You need not worry though. I have a new (well, ALMOST new) car that I don’t want to get crumbs in. My auto-eater days are over.

  5. Jerry - March 28, 2008 at 6:42 am -

    not to be a stickler for technicalities but if someone just purchased all that potato salad at a supermarket, wouldn’t presumably their car already be in a spot outside the store? Is it a question of parking before buying the salad or after? I am confused on that one but I do know this, if you eat it in the car better put the air on or that mayo will spoil quickly and the question will be what road rules apply to a driver racing to the ER while also vomiting out the window.

  6. Susan - March 28, 2008 at 12:16 pm -

    Question: Is Whole Foods chicken salad good? I’m afraid of mayo that isn’t mine.
    Rule: It is only okay to auto-eat one-handed foods that are not sticky, slippery, drippy or require utensils. And you have to be very hungry and a good driver to start with.

  7. […] Words For My Enjoyment hates people that eat while driving. He presents the Auto-Eater Driver’s Examination Test. Learn the proper way to make a left turn while eating a Taco Bell bean burrito. […]

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