Today’s E-Mail Exchange Between Me and Sarah Jessica Parker

To: Sarah Jessica Parker [e-mail deleted]
From: Paul Davidson [paul at pauldavidson.net]
Subject: Screw Maxim! You ARE Sexy!!!

You don’t know me, but I just wanted to express my support to you on this Maxim Unsexiest Celebrity thing. You are totally not the unsexiest actress in the world — I would say that’s easily Jessica Simpson or Britney Spears.

My best to you, Mr. Broderick and the kid!

Best,

Paul Davidson

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To: Paul Davidson [paul at pauldavidson.net]
From: Sarah Jessica Parker [e-mail deleted]
Subject: Re: Screw Maxim! You ARE Sexy!!!

Thanks, Paul.

How did you get my e-mail?

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To: Sarah Jessica Parker [e-mail deleted]
From: Paul Davidson [paul at pauldavidson.net]
Subject: Re: Re: Screw Maxim! You ARE Sexy!!!

Friend of a friend. Don’t want to get him in trouble.

Hope this was OK for me to write.

PD

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To: Paul Davidson [paul at pauldavidson.net]
From: Sarah Jessica Parker [e-mail deleted]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Screw Maxim! You ARE Sexy!!!

It’s fine. I appreciate the support.

I just thought it was kind of unbelievable that people who read Maxim think I’m less sexy than Amy Winehouse and Sandra Oh. I mean, Sandra Oh is butt ugly.

What do you think? Matty wants to know.

SJP

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To: Sarah Jessica Parker [e-mail deleted]
From: Paul Davidson [paul at pauldavidson.net]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Screw Maxim! You ARE Sexy!!!

I think you are way sexier than Sandra Oh. Amy Winehouse, it’s a toss-up. I don’t necessarily think she’s unsexy either. Plus, women who are strung out on drugs and all woozy are attractive to some guys.

Tell Matthew that he’s a lucky man. I’ve always thought you were pretty sexy, especially in that movie with Steve Martin where you were on roller skates the whole movie. I just mean to say that out of respect, not like I’m hitting on you or anything.

Best,
PD

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To: Paul Davidson [paul at pauldavidson.net]
From: Sarah Jessica Parker [e-mail deleted]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Screw Maxim! You ARE Sexy!!!

I’m thinking of getting rid of that mole I have on my chin.

Would that make me sexier? Matt thinks so, but he’s my husband so…you know.

Write back soon with the mole advice!

SJP

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To: Sarah Jessica Parker [e-mail deleted]
From: Paul Davidson [paul at pauldavidson.net]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Screw Maxim! You ARE Sexy!!!

Here’s my thoughts on moles. If they’re dark and squishy, or have hair coming out of them, you should definitely get rid of them. They can definitely reduce your sexy quotient. If they’re more like the color of your face, or flat — you can keep them. Look at Cindy Crawford — that flat, almost-tan colored mole made her lots of money.

As for Matthew — he probably just loves you the way you are.

PD

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To: Paul Davidson [paul at pauldavidson.net]
From: Sarah Jessica Parker [e-mail deleted]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Screw Maxim! You ARE Sexy!!!

If you loved someone, would you leave the toilet seat up after being told how annoying it was at least three times a week?

Thanks for the mole thoughts. I think I agree.

I’m on Blackberry — would love to know your thoughts on the toilet thing when you get a chance.

SJP

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To: Sarah Jessica Parker [e-mail deleted]
From: Paul Davidson [paul at pauldavidson.net]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Screw Maxim! You ARE Sexy!!!

Look, I love MB. Ever since Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. The whole toilet seat thing is just sort of a male thing, I guess. Maybe you guys should get those toilet seats that automatically close after someone uses it? That would probably solve the problem. But I still think he loves you fine — I mean, he’s been there with you over all these years so I wouldn’t let a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up make you think he doesn’t love you. He does. Seriously, I don’t know him at ALL, but from what I’ve seen it looks like you two are totally in love.

Does that answer your question? Hope so!

PD

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To: Paul Davidson [paul at pauldavidson.net]
From: Sarah Jessica Parker [e-mail deleted]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Screw Maxim! You ARE Sexy!!!

Do you have a link to a place that sells those kind of toilets? That would help, I’m sure.

Any thoughts on if I’m sexier than Rachel McAdams? We did a movie together (The Family Stone) and a lot of the crew I interacted with always said I was way sexier than her when I asked them if I was.

SJP

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To: Sarah Jessica Parker [e-mail deleted]
From: Paul Davidson [paul at pauldavidson.net]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Screw Maxim! You ARE Sexy!!!

Here’s the link to the self-closing toilet seats: http://www.harmonyseats.com/.

As for Rachel McAdams — I feel sort of uncomfortable answering that question. I mean, you guys are totally different types of actresses…I’m sure whatever people told you is the truth.

Ok — was great talking to you. Best of luck in the future! Bye!

Paul

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To: Paul Davidson [paul at pauldavidson.net]
From: Sarah Jessica Parker [e-mail deleted]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Screw Maxim! You ARE Sexy!!!

If I dyed my hair red, would I be sexier than Rachel?

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To: Sarah Jessica Parker [e-mail deleted]
From: Paul Davidson [paul at pauldavidson.net]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Screw Maxim! You ARE Sexy!!!

I don’t know. Look — I just wanted to offer my support is all.

Thanks for e-mailing back! Best of luck!

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To: Paul Davidson [paul at pauldavidson.net]
From: Sarah Jessica Parker [e-mail deleted]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Screw Maxim! You ARE Sexy!!!

Fuller lips?

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To: Sarah Jessica Parker [e-mail deleted]
From: Paul Davidson [paul at pauldavidson.net]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Screw Maxim! You ARE Sexy!!!

This Message Has Been Blocked

WFME’s FAQ in Progress

WFME gets a lot of questions a lot of the time.

That’s why, effective immediately, I’m crafting the FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) for the site. Today, I’ve decided to post some of the questions I’ve received and start by answering them after the break. Just click on in there and you’ll get a chance to learn the answers to some of WFME’s most asked questions.

Remember, if you don’t like the answers or you’re unhappy I’ve printed your questions, your only options are to ignore me completely or file a FAQ-attack through the appropriate factions (www.faqattack.com). Otherwise, just sit back and learn the answers to potentially some of the questions you’ve had but were afraid to ask about.

Words About The Little Mermaid

As said by a Banana Republic staff member to another father in the store:

“Have you seen ‘The Little Mermaid’? Dude, whatever you do, do NOT let your daughter watch that movie. That movie encourages the young girl to defy her father, then hook up with an older man!! It’s insane, dude. Her father is like the king of the sea or something. If you’re the king of the sea and your little girl stops listening to you, I can only imagine what your daughter is gonna do in the real world after seeing that movie. I mean, you’re not the king of the sea, right?”

The Auto-Eater Driver’s Test

I have a problem with auto-eaters.

These are the people who drive with one hand (or no hands) and ingest their entire lunch in the process. They are worse than makeupper-drivers, cellphoner-drivers and lostaquarterintheseat-drivers. They are truly the most dangerous thing on the road.

That’s why, if you ask me — everyone who is an auto-eater should be given an additional written test when they go to get their license (and periodically throughout their driving career) to ensure they know what to do in a myriad of situations. That is why WFME would like to present to you the Auto-Eater Driver’s Examination Test.

Please, answer the questions only if you surely know the answers.

Great Follow-Up Responses To Answers That Have No True Follow-Ups

“What’s your dog’s name?”

It’s a question that joins a slew of other questions that really, once you’ve gotten the answer, don’t have any true sensible follow-ups. It joins fellow non-followup’d answers to questions like “How old is your baby?”, “You’ve got allergies today too, huh?” and “Do you smell that?”

Yet today, I’d like to provide you with a slew of great follow-up responses to answers that have no true follow-ups. I’d like to provide you the tools for turning a quiet moment following a not-so-quiet response to your question, and give you the mad skillz to turn things around. And it’s bound to make your life in a world of non-followup’d answers to questions…much much easier.