Some people deny. I admit.
That’s why I’d like to welcome you all to yet another edition of WFME’s Today’s Blatant Admission. That’s where yours truly treats the entire Internet as a religious advisor of sorts, cleaning the house of the inner mind and coming clean. That’s where I try to forget about the fact that five minutes after posting this, the entire world will have access to it. That’s where I admit something, you read it, you wonder about admitting something yourself in the comments and then decide otherwise. But when you have to admit something, you just gotta do it.
So sit back and enjoy Today’s Blatant Admission, #207.
I’ve finished high school and got my degree.
Which makes me exponentially-qualified to introduce today’s new feature: Words For My Enjoyment’s Advice To High Schoolers. In it, I give advice to those between the ages of 15 and 18, providing a unique cockeyed view of those years of abandonment, ridicule, the varsity sports class caste system and cafeteria mischievousness. I also like to go to the dark places that most people never do.
That being said, sit back with your parent’s prescription drugs and get cozy for this Pole Vaulting edition.
You may or may not have known it, but I was on strike.
For three whole months I did zero writing whatsoever. I got back in touch with my feminine side. I cried in movies, I ran through the park, I played chess against chessmasters and I learned how to play Chutes & Ladders. I realized that when you go on strike against something or someone, it opens up a whole new world of experiences.
That’s why, effective immediately, I would like to go on strike against a whole slew of things.
Look at a can of Blue Diamond almonds and you’ll be happy to know there’s six full servings of “approximately” 28 almonds in each can.
I’ve been stoked about this fact for weeks, as I’ve been eating through can after can, while finishing off a movie I’ve been writing (thus the reason for my long term absence). Still, the more I ate the more I wondered, just how close said almond contents were to the words being printed on the label. I started eating and started counting and then became extremely surprised at my findings.
The findings that prove to me that there’s a true conspiracy going on with the almonds.