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WFME’s Gorilla/Human Factor: White Head Edition

December 3rd, 2007

Us humans and thems gorillas aren’t much different.

Out in the wild, gorillas take care of their young. In the civilized world, so too do humans. Out in the jungles of the Amazon, small spider monkeys groom their significant others, just as in the civilized world wives often help their husbands pick out clothing and choose new sunglasses and suits for upcoming festivities. Out in the wild, huge hairy gorilla-like beasts pick and pop a myriad of things off their significant other’s body.

In the civilized world, it seems, humans do the same damn thing.

I once heard a comedian (and I think it was Joe Rogan) speak about how his girlfriend always wanted to scratch his back, pick things off his back and if there were any white heads present, get all poppin’ fresh on the mothers. And while it seemed a bit off-color and gross at the time, I began to poll those in my neighborhood and in the surrounding areas about this strange phenom that was hardly ever spoken about.

Were women and men out there popping white heads on their girlfriend/boyfriend’s bodies in secret?

Was such a custom, which originated in the dark jungles of overgrown continents in strange, hot locales and pioneered by the apes and uncouth humans of days gone by… Was such a thing actually going on secretly in the bedrooms, bathrooms and back alleyways of modern day society? And is the reality of such a thing so hard to believe?

Gorillas groom their young. So do humans.
Gorillas fight for superiority and power. So do humans.
Gorillas scratch their butts in public. So do humans.
Gorillas like bananas. Humans? Yeah, them too.
Gorillas walk upright, when they feel like it. Humans as well.

Dian Fossey, the world-renowned gorilla expert was once rumored to have written:

“I grow more fascinated by these creatures with each passing day, surprisingly not due to their foreign customs or their emotional outbursts. No, my fascination surrounds an almost unspoken habit that rings true in the humans of the civilized world as well. It is the act of locating and excavating the pimples on the creatures’ family members. As they cannot reach their own backs and as they are without professional exfoliation professionals, it makes perfect sense. So much so to my own past experiences among humans that I can’t believe more has not been written about such a common practice.”

And yet still…to this day — no one admits to being party to such acts of cleanliness.

And while, personally, such custom had yet to be incorporated into my own personal life, I quickly began to find others who were willing to admit being a willing participant. 90% of all polled admitted to being in a relationship where one of the two individuals had voluntarily taken on the roll of “popper” while the other had accepted the role of “pop-pee.” In almost a daily or bi-daily scheduled maintenance session, there was a lot of squeezing and cleaning goin’ on.

The reality, my friends, is that it’s out there.

It’s instinct.

It’s reality.

It’s just too bad it’s so damn gross.

Posted under Dian Fossey, Instinct, Joe Rogan, Skin Care, pimples, popping, white heads. |

Not to take this completely over the line but the comment about back scratching reminds of the simple fact that you have not experienced full life until you have had a spouse/partner willingly take on the role of scratching your –lls. True heaven, my friend and I hve to wonder if apes do the same thing whilst we humans, and Dian Fossy in particular, are not watching.

Comment by Jerry — December 4, 2007 @ 10:24 am

Your bit about Joe Rogan reminded me of one of the funnier things that happened at 5am practices when i swam back in high school. Virtually every morning, just before we dove in, you would invariably hear someone let out a loud yell. This was from someone behind them finding one worth popping on their back, and taking care of it for them. i have no idea why we found this so amusing, but it was a sort of challenge we all took pretty seriously - to seek out the one that would produce the highest pitched squeal.

Comment by jimi — December 4, 2007 @ 10:32 am

Jerry - I guess that’s one advantage to getting married. Free backscratches and pro bono pimple bursting.

Jimi - I always knew there was something eerie going on behind the scenes of high school swimming practices.

Comment by Pauly D — December 4, 2007 @ 10:44 am

GROSS!!!!!! I could barely get through this post. but I will say, it’s better to help out your loved one if an irritation is causing pain or extremely unsightly.

BUT THAT’S IT.

Comment by Kathleen — December 5, 2007 @ 7:42 pm

I’ve seen students do it to each other. The first time I ever saw that, I was so grossed out, but I wound up getting used to it. I, myself, don’t do that to or ask that of my husband, but I know there are people out there that do.

Wild, isn’t it?

Comment by Amy — December 6, 2007 @ 7:12 pm

i choose to live in a fantasy world where this heinous practice does not exist. i get so disgusted when i hear someone say they actually do this - are you kidding me?!? BLECH.

p.s. do these people get so many pimples in places they can’t reach that they actually WELCOME someone performing this on them? oh, gag.

Comment by Sarcomical — January 1, 2008 @ 8:46 pm

WFME’s Gorilla/Human Factor: White Head Edition

December 3rd, 2007

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