Words for My Enjoyment

The Secret of Life Cereal

September 18th, 2007

Most people want to know what the secret of Life cereal is.

Walk down the street of your local neighborhood or in and around coffee shops, parks and supermarkets…and listen closely to the conversations people are having. There’s talk of war, peace, relationships, the soul, G-d and so much more — but every conversation is surrounded and wrapped in the cloth of a question we all ask ourselves late at night, when everything is silent…and dark. People everywhere want to know what the secret of Life cereal is.

And today…I’m here to shed light on just that question.

Let me just start off with a brief disclaimer. This article does not purport to tell you the secret of Cinnamon Life cereal, Honey Graham Life cereal, Vanilla Yogurt Crunch Life cereal or Chocolate Oat Crunch Life cereal. This article will only shed light on the secret of Life cereal. The original. The first. The only, when it comes to discussing a topic as heavy as the secret of Life.

Know this. While some people have already discussed the secret of Cinnamon Life (the sliver of tasty cinnamon nestled inside and between two crunchy halves of wheat and corn), no one has truly spent the time dealing with the secret of our original Life. People spend a lot of time talking about Mikey and those classic Life commercials of the 70’s, and him eating soda pop and Pop Rocks and having his stomach explode…but no one has delved deep into the question, “what is the secret of Life?”

Is it the Whole Grain Oat flour?

Is it the sugar?

Is it the disodium phosphate?

No, no, and no.

In fact, the real secret of Life is the fact that each and every computer-operated machine-heavy cereal-packing assembly line makes sure that every box of Life contains love. And not just the kind of platonic love you find in boxes of Lucky Charms and Cracklin’ Oat Bran. No, this is the kind of plastic-wrapped, box-glued cereal love you can only find in your own Life.

There’s no love in your chocolate oat crunch life. In fact, very little research has to be done to confirm such a thing. Tell someone about your chocolate oat crunch life and watch them regard you with confusion and hatred. No one cares about your chocolate oat crunch life. I mean, would you? If it wasn’t you? Tell someone you are having a great day and you are loving vanilla yogurt crunch life and they’re not going to pay you much attention. People are just conditioned at their own subconscious emotional level to completely disregard you and your chocolate oat and vanilla yogurt crunch life.

But what of your Life?

Made with love by hulking pieces of love-induced machinery, sending life around the world so that every single man, woman and child can experience life for themselves, they are one-upping the sub-par chocolate oat and vanilla yogurt crunch lives. They are overshadowing the cinnamon and honey graham lives, which are more like mere carbon copies of the real thing…

There’s love in your Life, and you should embrace it.

Love is the secret of Life, plain and simple.

No matter how bland your Life may seem.

Posted under Breakfast, Cereal, Life, Secret of Life. |