Words for My Enjoyment

I Continue To Question Whether Or Not There Are Air Bags In My Car

August 1st, 2007

I have previously mentioned my suspicions that there was no such thing as “air bags in our cars.”

People debated. Auto makers declined to respond. I poked and prodded my steering wheel with sharp objects that under normal collision situations would coax the elusive airbag from its darkened home. I did research online to see if (other than car commercials and car company websites) there were any sightings of an actual airbag being deployed. If people involved in accidents (pre-settlement) ever mentioned seeing one engage.

But nothing prepared me for my trip to the car dealership where all would become clear.

Let me just recap my thoughts for a quick moment. I have never seen an airbag deploy except for on promotional videos that attempt to convince us that the extra thousands of dollars we’re spending when we buy a car is going towards such “safety features.” I have heard stories of airbags appearing (much like I’ve heard stories of the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot and Aliens) but these recollections are often told by those who have hit their head in an accident or who have received huge settlements from major car corporations for their lies.

Bottom line? No one can prove that any of us have airbags in our cars.

That being said, I visited the car dealership for my automobile yesterday after a mysterious SRS light appeared on my dashboard, warning me to visit my repair center immediately. In the owner’s manual, the SRS light means “supposedly” that in the event of a crash my air bags might or might not actually deploy. (Yes, they’re getting smart now — these owner’s manuals if you look closely actually provide language telling you that even if you DO have airbags, they may not deploy, which convinces me even more that they’re not even in there.)

Anyway, when I reached my car dealer and spoke with my repair consultant Max, we had a very eerie and enlightening conversation that I would like to refer to (from here forward) as the “Zapruder Conversation”. Even though his name was Max, you get the symbolism.

Me: “Yeah, so the SRS light is on. What does that mean?”
Max: “Could mean anything. We’ll have to take a look.”
Me: “The owner’s manual says it means the air bags might not deploy in an accident.”
Max: “Yes. The air bags. We’re going to have to get into the steering wheel and check that out.”
Me: “Any chance I could watch while you guys open it up? I’ve never seen an air bag up close.”
Max: “Why don’t you just wait in the lounge. We’ve got cookies and water in there.”
Me: “I’d really love to see the air bag.”
Max: “It’s really all packed in the steering wheel. You wouldn’t see much even if you were watching. The air bag doesn’t even look like an air bag, just a bunch of white cloth stuffed in there. So you see, the cookies and water is the better choice.”
Me: “I really can’t watch when you open up the steering wheel?”
Max: “I’m sorry, Mr. Davidson. Policy doesn’t allow customers to watch while we repair the vehicle.”

As you can imagine, I pressed him for another five minutes, but it didn’t do any good. Max was standing strong against allowing me to see “my air bag.” Instead of being silenced, though, by cookies and bottled water — I hung around the area where people drop off their cars and hand them off to their “repair counselors”. At least four other people showed up with airbag issues — and all four were charged inordinate amounts of money to repair their “phantom bags.”

Let’s look at the facts, people:

1. We’re told air bags exist in our cars, yet we never see them.
2. We’ve seen blurry videos of air bags, but in car company sponsored videos and commercials.
3. Often, we hear of air bags being deployed by local law enforcement only after we wake up in the hospital after an accident. “Good thing those air bags deployed,” they tell us. Yet we can’t ever remember seeing them.
4. Those in really bad accidents who claim to have seen the airbags often have had massive head injuries where their memories are altered and supplanted with false ones.
5. People often claim that facial scars and swollen tissue is the result of air bag deployment…much like abused wives claim to have fallen down the stairs. Translation? People lie for strange reasons.
6. Air bags are not being installed in any of our cars and yet we’re being charged for the false safety.

I’m open to other opinions, but I think I’ve pretty much put this subject to bed.

Posted under Accidents, Airbags, Automobiles, Cars, Questioning Society, Safety. |