People used to say, “I’m going now.”
Usually, they would use such a pedestrian phrase when they wanted others around them to know that they were going somewhere. Going to the store. Going to a movie. Going, parting ways from a conversation. It was a phrase that took over modern society from the years 1912-2005, being slung forth from society’s collective mouth for decades upon decades. Of course, everything has just changed…
…now that leaving is the new going.
Using the English language, I’m told, is one of the hardest things to fully master. If you didn’t grow up in this country, and you didn’t benefit from learning English as your first language, grasping the intricacies is a tough hurdle to hurdle. The word “going” is one of those complicated hybrid words that means two things. Going can mean “going somewhere” but it can also mean “departing from somewhere” as well.
On failing upward…
“Uncle Paul fell! Mahahahaha!”
On how to handle negative feelings towards co-workers…
“Spit in his tuna sandwich! Mahahahaha!”
On how to repair a lucrative business deal after making a huge mistake…”
“Do overrrrr! Mahahahaha!” [Loud screeching sound.]
If the Queen can knight real people, then why can’t she knight blogs?
The only answer to the above question is, “because no blogs have asked to, or expressed interest in being knighted simply because no blogs assumed they could be knighted, thus the lack of acting on getting knighted.” That’s why, effective immediately, I will begin my campaign to get this blog knighted by the lovely, endearing Queen of England.
In each post I will elaborate on one virtue that I believe is a reason for this blog to be knighted. Today’s virtue? None other than…
Since knights must be skilled in the art of war and must be able to wield a sword… And since the pen is mightier than the sword… And since I am a writer and my pen is mightier than the knight’s sword… That makes me mightier than the knight who has been knighted by the Queen of England. And if I, the author of said blog, is mightier than the knight, using my pen-swordedness to do so, then this blog shall be knighted.
Oh yeah. I can taste the crumpets already.
At least I’m being honest, right?
Thing is, why or how I got to be some guy living in a remote mountain cabin writing the next great American novel is besides the point. Perhaps the hustle and bustle of big city living got to be too much. Perhaps I couldn’t concentrate with the constant fly-overs by commercial airliners. No matter. The reason for being there would be a moot point the minute your hungry lost abandoned-by-your-guides self showed up at my door.
At which point, if I’m being honest, I probably wouldn’t give you any food.