Today’s Prognosis on Moments of Silence
June 7th, 2007
Bow your heads in reverence, please.
Now let’s all not say a word, let’s use this one full minute to be quiet. To reflect upon what’s happened. To reach deep inside ourselves and use that silence to connect with our emotions. To give that moment of silence to those who have died, faced insurmountable trajedy, and/or just simply want us to be quiet for a minute so the chaos can stop. Thing is, I’m sorry to say it — but I have a huge problem with the “moment of silence.”
That’s why today, we’ll be serving up another WFME prognosis on the bastards.
Moments of silence happen all too often in society. Each of us can probably say fairly conservatively that we’ve been a part of the bastards at least ten to twenty times in our lifetime. Moments of silence are mandated by government politicians, religious leaders, authority figures in our communities and places of work. But if you really break down the moment of silence to its very basic building blocks, we find that the moment of silence is the equivalent of one very familiar thing.
The pre-school “how long can you be quiet” game.
I’m sure if you have kids you’ve played this game before. I’m sure if you were ever a kid, you were duped into playing it at one point. I’m sure if you visit mall food courts you’ve seen it occur. This is where an adult, in an attempt to garner some wonderful peace and quiet, turns to his or her children and says, “Let’s play that game where we see who can be quiet the longest!?”
And the children clam up, unaware they’ve just been hoodwinked.
Yet, as adults, in adult society — when someone asks us to partake in a “moment of silence” we comply. We shut our mouths, bow our heads, and seemingly accept yet another game of “how long can you be quiet.”
But in reality, the moment of silence is bursting apart at the seams.
Next time you’re a part of a moment of silence, do exactly what you’re told NOT to do — and open your eyes. Look around the room. What will you see? 75% of all moment of silencers also have their eyes open, looking around to see who’s really closing their eyes. In a double-blind survey, 100 people were asked what they do/think about during a moment of silence and the results of the other 25% were stunning (to say the least):
75%: Wonder who else has their eyes open.
9%: Sing ‘Luka” by Suzanne Vega to themselves.
8%: Examine binding on Bible — wonder how it’s still in such good shape.
4%: Pick food out of back wisdom tooth, debate if gums are receding.
1%: Listen to the silence, marvel at how it [silence] actually makes a sound.
1%: Holding breath, to see how long one can go without gasping for life.
1%: Pray for those who have fallen.
1%: Sleeping with eyes open.
Moments of silence, therefore, are being used less for moments of silence and more for authority figures to have a quiet moment and for silencees to debate a myriad of useless topics. Let’s face facts here — if you’re not having an active debate about this topic or that horrible situation or expressing emotion about a recent trajedy, then no one is paying attention.
That’s why I say the prognosis on moments of silence are bad.
Hey you, Mr. Authority Figure! Us adults aren’t going to fall for your moment of silence crap any longer. We know it’s just a ruse. Just a way to get us to be quiet so you can think for a tick of time. We’re not children! We’re not taking part in a weekend-long ropes course at a faraway mountain retreat. We’re real people. With real feelings.
And we don’t have the patience to be quiet for even a minute. Not even if you give us a candle to hold.
So, you know.
Why not sing a song instead?
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In other news, you can read my post entitled People Need To Stop Thinking About Growing A Mustache And Just Do It over at my once-a-month contribution pad Burt Reynolds’ Mustache.
