Found: Ed Norton’s List of Dating Do’s & Don’ts
June 6th, 2007
DO
Open the car door
Compliment her eyes/hair/clothing
Tip waitress and busboys well
Ask questions
Be interested
Order for her
Be emotional, show heart
Talk about books, culture, global warming
Dress well, iron shirt
Respect her physically
DON’T
Mention hooking up with Charlize Theron
Show off your multiple-personality impression from ‘Primal Fear’
Bring your Oscar to dinner, like last time
Let DeNiro call and give you talking points
Put bread in her water glass and pretend it’s a brain stem
Call the valet “Paco”
Fly her anywhere in a helicopter
Make her talk in an English Accent
Advise her to ’suck from the teet of Norton’ in case this is the last date
Tell her that the ‘first rule of sleeping with Ed Norton’ is ‘you DON’T TALK ABOUT sleeping with Ed Norton’
