Replacing ‘Hottie’
June 3rd, 2007
Let’s face it — the word hottie is sort of un-inspiring.
Over time certain words have evolved in the English language and other words have cropped up to my completely surprise and disdain. But among all these such words, I have always been most surprised by the word hottie. Not only is it a lazy way to form a word (adding the -ie and that’s it), but it also just doesn’t seem to work as a stand-alone “he’s a hottie” or “she’s a hottie” phrase.
That’s why, today, I’ll be replacing hottie.
When taking a common word used by most of the people in this country under the age of 32, you have to be careful. You have to tread lightly and carry a big box of consonants. You have to know that not everyone will be happy with the word substitutes you provide, nor will they be your best friend simply because you came up with a new one. That being said, I think these alternatives to the word hottie are unique, not nearly as demeaning to either gender — and really could become wonderful catchphrases.
So without further adieu: replacements for hottie:
Sizzlastic
“The woman in the bathing suit was sizzlastic.”
Origin: Combination of the words “sizzling” and “fantastic.”
Mealy
“My husband was a mealy-dude in college.”
Origin: Not to be confused with the “mealy” that involves a fungus — this attempts to conjure thoughts of a delicious meal, or a delicious individual.
Hottaron
“Her beauty was on auto-pilot, she was a total hottaron.”
Origin: Combining the root word “hot” with a robotic sounding suffix.
Sheeny
“Angelina Jolie is a red-hot sheeny.”
Origin: Not to be confused with any actor who is a member of the Sheen family, but to refer to the root word “sheen”, meaning “a soft luster.” Thus, adding “red-hot” before sheeny, gives it an extra oomph.
Alabastical
“He walked into the room, showing off his alabastical look, and I fell in love.”
Origin: Using the root word “alabaster” (referring to a fine-grained mineral), and adding the suffix -ical gives this adjective the opportunity to describe a fine specimen of genderosity.
Eggle
“She’s a total eggle.”
Origin: Unknown origin. Eggle is a brand new word created to replace hottie, and should conjure up beauty, poise, facial symmetry and unbridled passion.
Sssssss-tachanaya
“That guy? Sssssss-tachanaya!”
Origin: The seven s’s refer to the sound something hot makes on a griddle. The tachanaya is a Russian phrase meaning “urging of the loins.” Together, they make the ultimate replacement for the word “hottie.”
I hope you can all begin using the above phrases in your day to day conversations ASAP.
