Redesign 3.0

For those only reading WFME via RSS-feed, let this be your official announcement that Words For My Enjoyment is now entering it’s third redesign period.

That being said, you won’t find any new posts for a little bit, as we work to redesign and build-up the site from the ground up. Archives and podcast and media pages will remain intact (as will the URLs of all the old posts) up until the very last minute, so you can enjoy reminding yourself about my big head or unsymmetrical face whenever you feel the need. Or, you can wait for version 3.0 of WFME.

Currently, the timeline is a bit hazy — but I hope to have more details soon!

The Fast Food Tides Are Changing

[At the drive-thru]

Me: “Cheeseburger meal please.”
Them: “Do you want a salad with that?”
Me: “A salad? No thanks.”
Them: “It’ll balance out the meal, no?”
Me: “No thanks. Just the cheeseburger meal.”
Them: “The salads are really good, much better than before.”
Me: “It’s too much food.”
Them: “Then, just the salad?”
Me: “Cheese. Burgers. Fries. Coke. Thanks.”
Them: “How about a water?”

An Excerpt From My New Play, “The Falcon and the Snowman”

[A Falcon (played by an actor) lands on a tree branch above a Snowman (anchored in snow, and also played by a thespian of some kind.)]

Falcon: “Shreeeeeeeeeeeee!”
Snowman: “Excuse me?”
Falcon: “Caaaaaaaaaw caaaaaaaaaaaw.”
Snowman: “Caw, caw?”

[The Falcon nods, affirmatively.]

Snowman: “Still lost, buddy.”
Falcon: “Hreeeeeeeeeeee!”
Snowman: “One more time.”
Falcon: “Hreeeeeeeeeeee!”
Snowman: “Hre?”

[The Falcon nods, affirmatively.]

Snowman: “Yeah, still gonna have to plead ignorance on that one too.”

Today’s Advice To An Incarcerated Paris Hilton

I feel for Paris Hilton. Honestly.

It’s obvious to me the girl has been made an example in a world of celebrities skirting criminal and negligent charges on a weekly basis — and this whole back and forth of her being in prison is just a three ring circus for the media’s sake. That being said, her mysterious “medical condition” (the so called catalyst for letting her out in the first place) was revealed this past weekend: she wasn’t eating because she didn’t want to have to go to the bathroom and have guards take pictures of her on the can.

Well, today…I’m here to give Paris Hilton the best advice of her short-lived prison stay.

A List of My Latest Athletic Accomplishments To Date*

  • Shot a 68 on the Firestone golf course (par of 70).
  • Got the awesome opportunity to throw the football to some classic 49er players.
  • Experienced what it’s like to see USC and UCLA play a nail-biting game with the out of control crowd all around me.
  • Jumped out of a helicopter at the top of a remote snowy peak, then skied down the mountain.
  • Actually got to drive a car around the classic German track, Nürburgring.
  • Played, and won a game of street basketball.
  • Blocked five goal attempts in a game of ice hockey.
  • Hiked tens of miles across jagged mountainous terrain with three close friends.
  • Went spelunking in uncharted caves.