Words for My Enjoyment

Today’s Prognosis on Fist Shaking

April 25th, 2007

I cut off an old man in a Pontiac the other day.

He proceeded to chase me down in his behemoth, fist out the window, shaking and shaking in circular motions, making me think of three very important things. One, for an old guy — being able to drive a car with one hand while shaking his fist out the window, he must really still have all his eye-hand coordination workin’. Two, I hoped he wasn’t sane and a member of the NRA or else I would be in deep trouble. And three?

Fist shaking really is a pasttime that should have never gone away.

Traditionally, fist shaking has been around since the early 30’s, when people shook their fists as a way of intimidating others. Mostly, the traditional fist shake was said to mean, “I’m gonna punch you in the face!” Over the years, fist shaking became a violent hand-signal to communicate a variety of phrases, including (but not limited to): “Why I aughta!”, “You stay your distance, pal!” and “It’s clobberin’ time!”

So it’s surprising, with such awesome fist-shaking phraseology, that it’s lost it’s edge in today’s day and age.

The progression and evolution of the fist shake is disappointing, honestly. Fist shaking gave way to chin flicking. Chin flicking gave way to middle-finger tossing. Middle-finger tossing gave way to switchblade flashing. Switchblade flashing gave way to the menacing eye gaze. The menacing eye gaze gave way to vulgar language. And vulgar language gave way to the most recent threatening bit of body language: revealing that you have a bomb strapped to your body and you’re about to detonate yourself.

Oh how I long for simpler times, when someone’s fist was all one needed to say, “I’m gonna kick your ass, punk!”

So it’s no wonder, that today, here I sit wishing that the prognosis on fist shaking wasn’t as damn bad as it is. Except for a handful of insane old people driving late model four door boats — no one’s using the fist shake anymore. Not even when prompted can you get a local alleyway hoodlum to do the fist shake for you. Instead, they’ll just pull out a gun or a weapon of mass destruction and intimidate you that way.

It’s a sad sad world we live in.

I can only hope that today, with my words about fist shaking, that people begin to start reintroducing the fist shake into their daily intimidation factor. Bosses who need their underlings to get those reports done should shake some fist. Pimps looking to get their money back from Johns, should do a bit of the fist shaking. Presidents intent on sending a strong message to violent, psychotic Middle Eastern countries with nuclear ambitions on the brain — should get on TV, call a press conference, and shake some fist.

It’s what the world needs…and fast!

Posted under Fist Shaking, Prognosis. |