It’s Time To Help Alec Baldwin Out
April 23rd, 2007
You may or may not have heard about Alec Baldwin’s threatening message to his 11 year old daughter, Ireland.
Whether or not you did, Baldwin’s been getting a lot of press in the last few days, calling him a horrible father and generally holding him over the fire. It’s yet another example of people in this country becoming even less tolerant of the words that others use to describe people. From Imus being fired off his radio show to Alec Baldwin’s telephone voice mail “rage” — it seems that people are going to have to find new ways of saying degrading things, without getting in trouble.
Today, WFME helps out Alec Baldwin — with new ways to call his daughter “a thoughtless little pig.”
First and foremost, if you’re Alec Baldwin and you’re involved in a constantly-annoying custody battle with your previously-hot wife Kim Basinger over your non-Irish 11-year old daughter Ireland, you’ve got to figure all your phone messages are going to be recorded. You’ve also got to figure that every once in awhile, when your daughter is supposed to answer your “court denoted daily phone call” that she’s not going to. She’s a teenager. What do you expect.
But calling her “a thoughtless little pig?” You’re just asking for bad press.
In today’s day and age, one has to come up with new degrading phrases that don’t sound degrading, just so one won’t get in trouble. At least for awhile one (like Alec Baldwin) could then use this replacement list of degrading phrases until Big Brother decides that they’re also degrading phrases, at which point WFME will step up and do what it’s always done to quell the one world Government…and offer up a whole ‘nother list of degrading-sounding phrases that can be used in mixed company.
So, Mr. Baldwin? Without further adieu — here are phrases you can now use (to replace “a thoughtless little pig”) while leaving messages for your annoying daughter without getting the press all pissed off:
- a garbage eating machine
- a simple-minded porkbelly
- a bacon-basted bore
- a breakfast burrito without the eggs, tomatoes, salsa or cheese
- a typical adolescent consumer buying into the hype
- a no-noer
- a bleepety-bleep bleep
- a orange fisted cow-tower
- an allegory wrapped up in toasty-browned breading
- a citizen of the land of piggyton
And these, my friends — are just the beginning. There are, literally, thousands of wonderful replacements for “a thoughtless little pig” that mean absolutely nothing to the media-machine, and which Alec Baldwin can slather upon his ungrateful little girl whenever he wants, without getting in trouble.
As always, however, WFME has one very important piece of advice for Mr. Baldwin which will, in the end, save him from this kind of embarrassment next time…
Those who leave voice mail messages usually, in the long run, are the ones who get nailed.
I understand as a sign of support for Baldwin, the set of “30Rock” will be having a “Bring Your Thoughtless Little Pig to Work Day” program this Thursday when the rest of the working nation will only be doing “Bring Your Daughters to Work Day.”
Comment by jerry — April 23, 2007 @ 7:28 am
Lucky for me, I have been in the company of children that age and therefore I am not shocked that a “high-energy” type like Alec came up with those comments.
Maybe he should try:
“a slightly medieval wannabe human with a propensity for trite verbiage!!!”
Comment by Wordmaven — April 23, 2007 @ 7:43 am
Wow - that’s the first time I’ve heard the audio. Gee, I wonder why she doesn’t like talking to him on the phone.
Comment by Jeff — April 23, 2007 @ 8:42 am
I’m guessing there’s nothing he could say now that wouldn’t get twisted around somehow to be “mean”. (pretty sure that my dad yelled at me when I was an evil 12 yr old. Didn’t seem to take though, my evilness remained intact…) Knowing what his ex is capable of, you’d think he’d have been smarter about not leaving audible “evidence”…
Comment by Laurel — April 23, 2007 @ 8:55 am
Jeff - It’s intense, but his daughter should feel honored — it’s like getting an opportunity to see what it might have been like to work for Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross.
Comment by Pauly D — April 23, 2007 @ 9:08 am
I don’t condone what Alec Baldwin did, but I wish my daughter’s father had as much passion about communicating with her. I am a single mother of an 11 year old who gets an “annual” call on her birthday (if she’s lucky). I know Alec hates the words that he used that day and probably wishes he could take it all back, but it is unfortunate and unfair that the recording has been taken to the public to air their dirty laundry once again. What goes on within their bitter divorce is certainly not our business. We should forgive,forget and move on.
Comment by Lynn Bohannon — April 23, 2007 @ 10:28 am
Mr. Baldwin’s anger is completely understandable. He is there waiting by the phone for his daughter to ring him, as is agreed. She does not call and he becomes angry enough to use language that surely indicates this is not the first time he has been let down and made to feel insignificant. I might not have called litle Ms. Insensitive a pig but I would have had a few other choice words for her.
There were times in my life when my Dad was the proverbial absent parent. I would have given my right arm to have had him call, even if he had chastized me in the ferocious language Mr. Baldwin used. At least i would have known he cared.
Later in life my talented, charming and beautiful father reconciled and we both felt that we had won a lottery. I hope for her sake Mr. Baldwin’s little snot realizes that he is the only father she will ever have, and be less rude to the man who gave her life.
On another level, Mr. Baldwin’s dressing down of his daughter is commendable. No twelve-year-old should be allowed to be so rude to ANY adult, let alone her own father.
John Lucas
Victoria BC
Comment by John T. Lucas — April 23, 2007 @ 11:30 am
Alec has been my neighbour for many years, as was Kim before their divorce in 2002. I have never in my life contributed to a blog. However, I was so outraged what happened to Alec — yes, happened to Alec. We all lose it at times. I am not excusing Alec, but hey come on now folks, look at what Kim Bassinger has created. She is so profoundly narcissistic. She hasn’t thought for one second what she has been doing ALL these years to Ireland. NO divorced parents should have the child custody fights that Kim and Alec have had. I know Alec, as a neighbour, as a warm, loving guy. She, however is another story — cold, distant, aloof. And I may add STUPID, for what she has created between and among them — the three of them. The fight should have always only been between the two adults.. Let’s not just look at Alec. PLEASE — look at what Kim has created. Alec loves that child. What kim has created would drive any parent who loves their child off the deep end. We should point our finger on what Kim has created. In my work, I am a psychoanalyst, we don’t look at just the end result but the entire process that has created such a situation. Kim is a very disturbed, narcississtic woman who doesn’t give a damn about her child. If she did she wouldn’t have behaved as she has all these years. It doesn’t matter what she thinks of Alec. Out of respect and love for Ireland she should have been thinking about the child’s needs, not her own.
Again, as I have been all along, I am disgusted by Kim’s actions.
Dr. Shirley H. Schaye
Comment by Dr, Shirley Schaye — April 23, 2007 @ 11:39 am
wow! angry comments there. The more I read the more I appreciate my boring father who seldom raised his voice in frustration, always properly channelled his anger, and was around whenever I needed him, and still is.
Comment by jerry — April 23, 2007 @ 11:41 am
I am in total support of Mr. Baldwin. An 11 year old child should do what she is told and if she were to be available for her father’s call, that is what she was suppose to do. If her mother encouraged her otherwise, than shame on her!! I can understand his outrage, it is too bad that the mother thought so little of the man she onced loved, bedded, and had a child with; so little that she took it upon herself to humiliate him by releasing the tape. No wonder he was was so livid, he knows better than all of us the level of games Ms. Basinger is capable of playing. I do hope he soon gets custody, so that Ireland is spared more exposure to such a manipulative female.
Comment by Geri Wright — April 23, 2007 @ 12:48 pm
“A orange fisted cow-tower” HA!
My thoughts: Divorce happens. Dysfunctional families happen. Narcissism happens. Angry man who doesn’t know how to deal with big life issues happen. People who will never know the full details yet always assume they have both sides of the story to further juicy gossip happen.
Calling your daughter “a thoughtless little pig” ? Only Ignorant Pea Brained Bad Hair Bad Acting Scum Bucket Careless Inane Mother Trucker Troglodytes would ever dare.
I’m still a firm believer in karmic reciprocity.
Comment by Nicoletta — April 23, 2007 @ 1:31 pm
When I first heard the voicemail, I was understandably horrified. But since there is no way of knowing what got Alec Baldwin to that point, and what made him lose it so badly with his own child, it’s hard for me to condemn him for his actions. He obviously has strong feelings about maintaining contact with his daughter, because he could have just walked away and never bothered to call at all. Since he won’t be speaking about it due to court order, I guess we’ll never know which scenario would have been worse.
I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, because he’s absolute genius when guest-hosting SNL and starring in 30 Rock!
Comment by Dave2 — April 23, 2007 @ 2:25 pm
I’m guessing that Kim had Ireland’s phone just so she couldn’t answer it.
Comment by Amy — April 23, 2007 @ 5:41 pm
I just deleted everything. He’s just an ass.
Hmmmm..Maybe we should come up with some AB names.
“Fucktard” works for me.
Comment by christie — April 24, 2007 @ 2:32 pm
His phrasing’s a little questionable but personally I don’t know when everything changed in bringing up kids - now we have to treat them like little foreign dignitaries.
Comment by Apologiesallround — April 25, 2007 @ 3:59 pm
I’d like to address the neighbor of Alec’s…
My brother also was a neighbor to both Alec and Kim. I have met them both at several of my niece’s Birthday parties. I have also heard many stories via my brother regarding the nature of their troubled marriage and ongoing custody battles. Alec has a known anger problem, and was terribly abusive with Kim during their marriage.
There is absolutely no excuse for the way he spoke to his daughter on that answer machine. Certainly he is not the only person in this world who has a difficult relationship and divorce . That doesn’t give him the right to take out his nasty frustration on his 12 year old innocent child.
Kim has her isssues surely. But if I were her I would be extremely worried about leaving my daughter alone with such a monster of a father.
I hope that this public outting of Alec’s outburst convinces him to seek more personal therapy and perhaps some sort of anti anxiety to keep his temper at bay.
Comment by Chewey — April 26, 2007 @ 10:05 pm
This is my first comment EVER on the honorable Davidson blog! Woo-hoo. Okay, now down to the reason for my post.
So, while at work, during my lunch breaks, I like to read the
“Words of Enjoyment”…well for my enjoyment! LOL. Seriously, checking up on this blog is so addictive, you can bag it up and sell it on the street! LOL.
BTW - I vote for a breakfast burrito without the eggs, tomatoes, salsa or cheese
Moving along, I delurked to merely address Alec Neighbor #1 - The Psychoanalyst.
Wow, can you say “redundant”? I think it’s clear you do not…hmmm…like? Ms.Basinger? I found it extremely revealing that for someone who feels the importance of mentioning she’s in the medical profession, that you would be so obvious rude and bias. LOL. I guess we’re all supposed to take your comment more seriously.
Honestly, NO one can reallyknow what goes inside that household except for them. I must say, your comment really made me laugh…which part amused me most? Let’s see…
You Wrote
“I know Alec, as a neighbour, as a warm, loving guy. She, however is another story — cold, distant, aloof. And I may add STUPID, for what she has created between and among them — the three of them. The fight should have always only been between the two adults.. Let’s not just look at Alec. PLEASE — look at what Kim has created. Alec loves that child.”
—–
Some written accounts depict Ted Bundy as a friendly neighbor, some would even say a gentleman. Yet he became known as one of the most infamous serial killers. While I doubt Mr. Baldwin is that much of a sociopath, I’m of the belief that most people have a “front”; various ways of acting or behaving around different groups of people. It’s how we adjust to our environment. Clearly, Mr.Baldwin has more than a problem. Yeah parents will yell and say messed up stuff to their kids on occasion. It happens, doesn’t make it right. Regardless, there are people in worse scenarios than him who don’t go off on their child like that at all. For him to attempt to garner some kind of sympathy and play victim is not good enough of an excuse. Personally, I was shocked when I heard the recording on the news.
It’s ironic that Mr.Baldwin, who so desperately wants to win the custody suit, is being foiled by verbally assaulting his daughter.
You ALSO Wrote
“Kim is a very disturbed, narcississtic woman who doesn’t give a damn about her child. If she did she wouldn’t have behaved as she has all these years. It doesn’t matter what she thinks of Alec”
—-
I’m not coming to anyone’s defense but I think singling out Ms.Basinger leaves room for suspect. Thou doth protest too much, don’t cha think? This part reads like an angry scorned ex-lover with rants of “Kim” being the problem…really as I am sure Mr. Baldwin is your precious, remember he’s got bite! LMAO.
I’ll openly admit, I haven’t followed the whole custody suit, but I know enough to understand that no one is more to blame. This is their issue and Mr.Baldwin made the mistake the moment he left that message. I’m sure he loves his daughter but it’s not about him or Ms.Basinger, it’s about making sure that child doesn’t grow up with some kind of complex and end up drugged up and dropped out, so to speak.
So how’s this for a first post, Davidson, lol?
Ever the Fan,
Val
Comment by Valarie — April 27, 2007 @ 6:26 am
Val - Your post will go down in history as the “longest” first comment evah! Glad you unlurked! Keep enjoying the words.
Comment by Pauly D — April 27, 2007 @ 6:44 am
Haha! You rock! LOL. *wonders if she’ll get a complimentary cupcake*
I don’t get much time to run around and post comments often, but that post from that woman just had to be singled out. lol. It was as crazy as your San Francisco Lady, as I kindly refer to nowadays. lol.
keep up the good stuff and write away!
Comment by Valarie — April 27, 2007 @ 10:16 am
Valarie, BRAVO! I’m only feeling left out that you didn’t comment on my lovely missive. I’m Neighbor #2..well, really just the sister of!
Comment by Chewey — April 27, 2007 @ 11:06 am