Maureen McCormick vs. Kristy McNichol

You may or may not remember when I determined who would win in a fight between Katie Couric and Jane Pauley.

Back then, the Katie Couric camp was pleased to know that “their girl” would win in a fight, according to WFME statistics. The Jane Pauley camp tried their best to support their girl, but it just was too late. The fight had been sussed out and there was nothing anyone could do. It was, to say the least, a resounding success. It’s a wonder WFME hasn’t seen a “versus” fight since then.

This morning, for some strange reason, my thoughts randomly turned to 70’s teen star Kristy McNichol and TV hottie (and Brady Bunch sibling) Maureen McCormick — and who would win in an all out brawl.

Kristy McNichol
Cute +1
Spitfire Attitude +2
Quick With Her Hands (I.e. Great Reflexes) +1
Once Dated A Pirate -1
Knows Matt Dillon, Who Has Taught Her A Few Things +2
Well-Known For Her Back-Handed Wrist-Twisted Open Hand Slap +3
Hates Public Attention, So May Not Show Up -1
Short Hair (no tangling) +1
Trademark Necklace (for strangling) +2
Learned a Few Marine Corps Hand-to-Hand Combat Moves From Empty Nest‘s Robert Mulligan +1

Maureen McCormick
Cute +1
Been Through It All, Tough Like Nails +2
Rallying Cry “Marsha Marsha Marsha” Winds Her Up Good +2
Country Singer, So She’s Used To Pain +1
Currently Looking To Lose Some Weight -1
Used To Getting Hit In The Nose By Foreign Objects +1
Can Cry on Command (intimidation factor) +1
Knows How To Do Long Division +1
Trademark “Harvey Klinger” Double-Handed Grab +1
Never Gives Up, As Evidenced In That Brady Bunch Episode Where She Got Davy Jones To Play For Her High School Dance +3

Final Score:
Kristy McNichol: 11
Maureen McCormick: 12

Winner: Maureen McCormick

Let the numbers stand on their own.

9 comments on “Maureen McCormick vs. Kristy McNichol

  1. dgm - April 15, 2007 at 12:57 pm -

    in the ’70s, on sundays, there was this tv show that had professional athletes (mostly pro football players) competing in events against tv celebrities. whenever kristi mcnichol was on, she kicked ass. marcia brady never even appeared. my money is on kristi.

  2. Pauly D - April 15, 2007 at 1:27 pm -

    DGM – I think you’re referring to Battle of the Network Stars. Or something like that. Basically, the precursor to reality TV shows today. And yes, she always kicked ass.

    But not as much as Maureen McCormick.

  3. kiki - April 15, 2007 at 5:35 pm -

    first of all, i have been a lifelong fan of kristy’s simply because she spells her name the same way i do. and this is rare in our world of kristis, kristies, christys, and christies.

    secondly, i met maureen mccormick. (i know, i know, now you want to touch me.) i waited for her after seeing her on broadway.


    where she was starring in Grease.

    as RIZZO.

    talk about surreal. anyway, she is cute. she’s also about 4 foot nothing and weighed about 87 pounds.

  4. Wordmaven - April 15, 2007 at 6:44 pm -

    You forgot two points. MM has a bladder of steel from sharing a bathroom with her 5 siblings and KM had that feathery hairdo girls and boys alike all coveted. So, I guess the fight is still even.

  5. Pauly D - April 15, 2007 at 7:27 pm -

    Wordmaven – So you’re saying that having a bladder of steel beats is the same as feathered hair? Like in a game of rock, paper, scissors, it would be like two people throwing out a rock?

    Personally, in my own personally invented game of Feathered Hair, Bladder of Steel & Sneakers — while Feathered Hair always beats Sneakers, Bladder of Steel always beats Feathered Hair. And Sneakers always beats Bladder of Steel, although we weren’t talking about Sneakers at the moment.

    Just an FYI.

  6. Kathleen - April 15, 2007 at 9:02 pm -

    My money’s on Kristy.

  7. Eric - April 16, 2007 at 6:45 am -

    I don’t know if getting hit in the nose should be a plus one. Sure knowing what to expect from a blow to the nose is worth something, but whoever throught that football (I think Peter, but I don’t remember) definitely through like a girl and she really didn’t take it the hit well at all. I think if she took a punch from badass Kristy McNichol she’d drop like a stone.

  8. Wordmaven - April 16, 2007 at 8:23 am -

    Pauly, when you and your little friends play your patented game of “Feathered hair, Bladder of Steel and Sneakers” are there abbreviations? Something like, “Hair, Bladder, Sneakers, Shoot”? And I NEED to know, what are the hand motions for each?

  9. Pauly D - April 16, 2007 at 8:28 am -

    Wordmaven – Yeah, it’s called “Hair, Bladder, Sneakers” and the motions are: Wave all your fingers on one hand FOR HAIR, grip a fist then open it up with a whoooshing sound FOR BLADDER, and use both hands like two feet walking FOR SNEAKERS.

    There you go. Hope that helps.

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