Words for My Enjoyment

Homeland Security Has Finally Ruined My Movie Going Experience

April 13th, 2007

I’m not into politics, that’s for sure.

That being said, I was also not one of those Pro or Con Homeland Security guys when the whole 9/11 thing occured. I figured, let the government do their thing, protect its citizens, and I wouldn’t get all mired down in the obsessive over-analyzing of patriot acts and political initiatives and the building of walls here and there. I just sort of figured that a ramping up of security in this country was what was needed for the next chapter in America.

That is, until Homeland Security ruined my movie going experience.

Everyone’s got their own breaking point. For some people, it’s when their family is affected by something. For others, it’s when freedoms are curtailed. And there are people, like me, who finally rally to attention when one of their most beloved pasttimes is ruined by America’s need for ramped up security and protection in and around our cities.

My breaking point happened just the other night.

I was lucky enough to get into a media screening of the upcoming film Hot Fuzz and was lucky enough for said referenced film to be screening at the palatial, food-is-served-moviehouse…Arclight Cinemas. If you’ve never been to Arclight or never been to LA, this is the place to go. From real caramel corn popcorn and sausage baguettes to freshly brewed java and a full-service restaurant & bar, Arclight is not only a movie theater…it’s a movie theater experience. Add to that the fact that you can reserve your own seats and show up five minutes prior to the movie…and you’ve got the Shangri-La of film.

Right. Back to my breaking point.

Because Hot Fuzz was a special advance screening, the security forces were out in droves. First, you had to get in a line outside the theater and line up. Then, you had to visit a table where your name was checked off a list. Then, if your name was on the list, you got special tickets for the downstairs theater. Then, when you got down to the theater you had to get in another line so that the wand-waving security personnel could check you for explosives in groups of six…before entering the theater.

Breaking point…coming.

I had already secured my huge container of popcorn with the butter on top (these days you only get the butter on the top, FYI) and was called forward to be a part of the next group of (6) six (for our radioactive land-mine check). So I stepped forward, waited my turn, and was perched just behind another individual who was currently being scanned for poisonous liquids and plastic C4. The security guard was waving his wand, checking the guy’s crotch and arms and legs and swinging his wand and checking the crevices when all of a sudden…

…his damn wand hit the bottom of my popcorn container, sending the butter-filled top of the entire carton all over the floor.

“Sorry, buddy,” he said.

Sorry?

That was about the time that this rag tag group of cinematic homeland security personnel ruined my entire movie going experience. Because, honestly, what was I supposed to do at that point. Yes, he had accidentally spilled the top of my popcorn (which is the equivalent of someone slicing off your muffin top and throwing it away) and now I stood there with one of three possible next steps. I could leave well enough alone, I could throw a fit and demand that the security guys buy me a new popcorn or I could take hostages.

Since I’m not a political guy, I left well enough alone.

But it got me to thinking about movie-theater insurance policies. If I walk away from the concession counter with a huge popcorn, a huge drink and an open box of Junior Mints and someone from the movie theater staff bumps into me and knocks everything all over the ground, shouldn’t they be held responsible? Or shouldn’t the theater, at least, provide me with replacements. Especially if I’ve paid the extra $1 for movie theater popcorn & candy insurance?

Had the progressive Arclight Cinemas had such a program active at the time of my popcorn debacle, I would have been given a replacement tub, new butter and a smile and a handshake apology.

But since they didn’t, it basically ruined my movie going experience.

And honestly, who likes dry popcorn?

Posted under Arclight Cinemas, Homeland Security, Hot Fuzz, Movies, Not-So-Politics, Popcorn. |