Words for My Enjoyment

The BFF Debacle

April 11th, 2007

Best. Friends. Forever.

A phrase that has, at least, been around for decades is now the bane of my existence — putting me in an awkward situation with a fellow BFF’er who went against the grain and the rules of being a BFF. Because as everyone knows, based on section six, paragraph two point five of the BFF Code of Conduct… If you’re someone’s BFF, you can’t be a BFF to another person. And if you are a BFF to more than one person in each area of your life (work, school, religion, family, et al), you are a BFF-whore that I don’t want to talk to.

Which, in a nutshell, is what this whole BFF debacle is all about.

Apparently, some people don’t quite know how this whole BFF thing works. People think that you can just go around claiming you’re someone’s best friend forever and then go down the street and claim the same thing to a new person. And then go out later that night and throw out the BFFs like pennies in a park fountain. Yes, people have no concept of the rules and regulations connected to being a best friend forever.

Which is, honestly, a debacle.

You can have one (1) best friend forever in each area of your life. Your cubicle co-worker can be your BFF, but not the guy who replaces the paper in the fax machine. No. Only one BFF in your work environment or circle of professional friends. I don’t care if you fly to Phoenix and meet with a company for potential business and you love the CEO so much you want to proclaim your BFF-ness to him. If you’ve already got a BFF back at corporate headquarters, you can’t start going all BFF-bigamist on us.

Because that would be a debacle.

You can also have one (1) best friend forever in your family. Yes, I know you love “everyone equally” but in reality, you can’t. There’s one person, whether it be your father or your first child or your second-cousin twice removed, who is your best friend forever. It can’t be both your parents and you can’t get all BFFy on all your siblings. But if you pick one and stick with it, you’ll be following the BFF rules to a capital T.

Same goes for your mosque, church or temple. Same goes for your Kabbalah meetings or the gun shopping you do with your local cult. Anything that somewhat resembles a religion of any kind (including Scientology) provides you with the opportunity to add one more BFF to the BFF coffers. If you want to be BFFs with your pastor, go for it. If you want to be BFFs with your cult leader, make it so. If you want to be BFFs with your fellow church choir tenor…it’s all good. But the minute you start adding extras to the list, you’re going to be a sorry excuse for a you-know-what.

You may also add a BFF in the following circles:

• School (Pre-School, Elementary, High School, College or Trade Schools all fall into the same category)
• Online IM Lists (Only one of your IM contacts over all IM services can be your Digital BFF)
• Political Action Committees (Pro-Abortion, Pro-Green, Pro-Whatever)
• Self-Help Groups (AA, et al)
• Fitness Groups or Locations (Gym, Weekend Softball Leagues, Cycling Clubs)
• Culture Groups (Wine Tasting, Fencing, Acting, et al)
• In Your Dreams (You may pick one individual who appears in your dreams/night terrors as your dream BFF.)

That’s ten BFFs. That’s more than enough.

So with such possibilities and endless opportunities, you’d think most people would be satisfied with their amount of BFFs. But apparently, it seems as though a few people in my life don’t agree with the rules. I recently found out that one of my BFFs (in a culture group of mine) had recently told another member of said referenced culture group that they were his BFF as well. You can imagine the confusion that erupted when I told the most-recent BFFer that I was the original BFFer and that they, per the rules, would have to abandon the moniker BFF with the other person.

And the debacle occured.

It just got me extremely frustrated, and is one of the reasons I have laid out the rules for BFF today. I hope that BFF #2 (who is technically not a BFFer anyway based on the above rules) reads today’s blog and understands why they can’t go around claiming to be a BFF of the person who already told me I was their BFF. If they do, I’m going to have to bring the subject matter up to a vote, at which point BFFer #2 will be sorely embarrassed that they ever accepted a BFF from someone who already had one.

Debacle.

Posted under BFF, Best Friends Forever, Rules. |