Really Truly Ironic Things

An old man turned ninety-eight, he won the lottery and unfortunately the newly adopted rules, as voted on by the California State Lottery Commission state that anyone over ninety-seven is ineligible for winning the lottery.

It’s a death row pardon two minutes early, but because of the idiot who doesn’t know how to answer those new touch-screen cell phones, he hung up on the Governor and it went to voice mail instead.

It’s like rain on your wedding day, when the two people getting married are meteorologists.

Isn’t that really truly ironic?

It’s the good advice that someone said was good advice, when in reality the good advice motivated you to join a pyramid scheme that you didn’t think was a pyramid scheme since you believed you were getting good advice in the first place.

Mr. Play It Safe, who was afraid to fly, packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye. He waited his whole damn life to take that flight, only to find that when he found his seat, he was seated next to someone who obviously should have purchased two seats for their one butt, but instead chose to squeeze themselves into one seat. Which sort of ruined this flight he’d been waiting for his whole damn life.

Honestly, that’s really truly ironic.

It’s like ten thousand spoons when you don’t ever eat anything with spoons because it grosses you out at how people who use spoons never fully suck the food off the spoon after each bite.

It’s meeting the man of your dreams and then finding out he’s not a man at all. And then meeting his beautiful wife, who technically isn’t a woman either.

Seriously. That’s really truly ironic.

Don’t you think?

15 comments on “Really Truly Ironic Things

  1. Hilary - March 20, 2007 at 9:59 am -

    You suck. I now have the stupid song stuck in my head. Help!

  2. Pauly D - March 20, 2007 at 10:22 am -

    Welcome to my world, Hil. Welcome. To. My. World.

  3. Jacquie - March 20, 2007 at 11:02 am -

    It’s like being gone for weeks, only to come back to this post. Isn’t that ironic?

  4. Jeff - March 20, 2007 at 11:31 am -

    Thank you!… for posting this. I’ve always hated that song because just about everything in it is NOT ironic – just bad luck.

    I think it’s ironic that she had a huge hit about ironic stuff that isn’t ironic.

  5. Alison - March 20, 2007 at 2:22 pm -

    I had something to say about this, but that black fly in my chardonnay distracted me and I forgot. Crap.

  6. Gina - March 20, 2007 at 3:44 pm -

    Love it. Thank you. I will use this as a teaching tool for my students.

  7. dgm - March 20, 2007 at 3:52 pm -

    yes i really do think.

  8. Brooke - March 20, 2007 at 4:44 pm -

    Jeff said what I wanted to say. Which is ironic. Only not.

    Did you ever see Reality Bites? When Winona Ryder is on a job interview and is asked to define irony and is unable to do it? Brilliance.

  9. Pauly D - March 20, 2007 at 5:26 pm -

    It’s ironic that all of you found this post ironic. Even Brooke.

  10. Brooke - March 21, 2007 at 2:17 pm -

    HEY!

  11. Mitch McDad - March 22, 2007 at 6:36 am -

    Followed Jeff over here. Great post. I’ve always found it ironic how un-ironic that song is. Perhaps the biggest irony is that it made her millions of dollars.

  12. lindakooiman - March 22, 2007 at 8:59 am -

    Thanks to Jeff for pointing me here. Awesome post. Don’t like Alanis, HATE the non-ironic song. I’ll be baaack.

  13. Kathleen - March 22, 2007 at 3:51 pm -

    I love it!
    I love it!
    I love it!

  14. BD - March 22, 2007 at 5:06 pm -

    I’ve suffered at the hands of irony lately but I suppose it’s something…

  15. T. Malone - March 22, 2007 at 10:58 pm -

    I’m with Hilary (the first comment on the list). Then again, you did make me laugh out loud…

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