Dancing With The Ailments
First let me start by saying…I once dated a girl with a fake leg.
Let me also say that I had no idea she had a fake leg until I had been dating her for at least three or four dates. She either wore jeans or long pants and I was a respectful gentleman who didn’t go grabbing at her legs too soon in the social experiment. But let me tell you, technology had gotten so good at that point, that the leg itself (all colored and weighted to look and feel like a real leg) was extremely realistic enough to fool me.
But that’s not going to happen when Paul McCartney’s ex, Heather Mills, appears on Dancing With The Stars.
I find it extremely funny that a show that is all about your dancing skills (i.e. leg coordination and strength) has decided to cast a woman with only one leg as one of the celebrity contestants. But when I say that I find it funny, it’s not that I find it in bad taste or even to be a bad idea. On the contrary, I find that casting a woman with one leg in a dancing competition is one of the most genius ideas ever and ABC should really embrace the idea 110% instead of just sort of, kind of, testing out the waters to see what America thinks.
I say go for broke, Dancing With The Stars!
Just like Extreme Home Makeover started in their first season by just making over the homes of regular old folks throughout the country, they quickly took the mentality of doing good for families with really over-the-top depressing stories. There was the girl who couldn’t ever go out into the sun. There was the entire deaf family, with one non-deaf child that happened to be handicapped. Oh boy, right? There was even the family who had been raised by wild dogs in the Ozark hills and EHM went and pimped out the cave they had kept all their kills in.
So if Extreme Home Makeover can take the leap, why can’t everyone’s favorite dancing show?
I say go with the woman with one leg. And cast someone like Mickey Rourke, who is mentally unstable. And then cast that woman who got the first ever face transplant. And the list could go on and on. I want to see someone in a wheelchair (but who can do wheelies on stage), someone who’s blind, someone who has narcolepsy, the one-handed drummer from Def Leppard, the successful “little person” actress currently on Boston Legal, someone with multiple personality disorder, and so on and so on.
If you’re going to take a chance, take sixteen chances.
Because while you’re watching the show this season, you’re not going to be able to take your eyes off Heather Mills and her one good leg, endlessly fascinated by just how she’s able to spin the light fantastic on the sheen of that polished wooden floor. But once the excitement of that has worn off, you’ll be hungry for more.
You’ll wonder what it might have been like if Carnie Wilson and her well-documented stomach stapling surgery could have handled the velocity of a triple axle four handed double-trouble careening twister. You’ll converse with your loved ones about how great it might have been if Marlee Matlin, deaf actress from Children of a Lesser God, had to dance without being able to hear the music whatsoever. You’d find yourself giddy with excitement, just thinking about the possibilities that would come along with a contestant who had no…body…whatsoever.
Yes, that’s right. Just a big head.
Am I a programming director for ABC? No. Do I have any say in how Dancing With The Stars casts their contestants? NO. Does this idea sound tasteless, off-color and potentially too controversial to actually work?
I’m amazed they didn’t think of it first.