Picking Apart The Concept Of Pouring Some Sugar On Me

Def Leppard.

Classic 80’s rock band. Awesome stadium performers. Authors of some of the most incomprehensible song concepts ever. Specifically, the one about pouring some sugar on another person in the name of love.

Which sort of defeats the purpose of trying to find a unique way to tell the person you love that you really love them that much since you’re not giving them flowers or anything, but instead slathering them with a mass commodity condiment. Because pouring granules of sugar on them…?

Yeah, I think we’ll be picking apart the concept of pouring some sugar on me.

Pour some sugar on me
Ooh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me
C’mon fire me up
Pour your sugar on me
Oh, I can’t get enough

I’m hot, sticky sweet
From my head to my feet yeah

These were the lyrics that launched a thousand million cajillion fans for 80’s band Def Leppard, but the idiots following them around with bags of granulated sugar were taking things a little too literally. For was Def Leppard really suggesting people pour pure cane sugar upon their lovers’ bodies in an attempt at unique foreplay? Or instead, were they substituting pure cane sugar for something a little more risque? Today, with technology changing the way it does so quickly, Def Leppard might not be so quick to suggest pouring sugar on people, but perhaps sugar substitutes like Splenda and/or Sweet n’ Low.

But still — the concept, in my opinion, should have never become so popular with music fans.

If you’re going to pour something on someone in “the name of love,” there’s a slew of other easier and more thematic things you should be pouring. I could go into the massive list (which includes things like chocolate sauce and whipped cream and what not) but I won’t — because the last thing I’m going to do is give any more lip service to pouring food items on top of people’s bodies in the name of love. Or even because “you can’t get enough.”

You just don’t pour granulated sugar on someone.

The naysayers out there will crop up and start arguing that powdered sugar could be what they were referring to, and powdered sugar is great on french toast and so why wouldn’t it be great on a person “in the name of love?” These people are a part of the core, die-hard Def Leppard fans. People who would jump off a bridge (or pour many types of sugar on other people) “in the name of love.” I’m not here to debate the type of sugar that makes the best pouring substance.

I’m here to pick apart the concept of pouring some sugar on me.

I mean, what hard rocking 80’s stadium band sits down and decides to write a song where they support the pouring of sugar on other human beings in the name of love?

Band Member #1: “Something something, in the name of love…”
Band Member #2: “Yeah, we’re so close.”
Band Member #3: “Pour some hot wax on me…in the name of love?”
Missing Arm Drummer Guy: “Not wax… What about sugar?”
Band Member #1: “You’re just talking crazy. Who pours sugar on someone else?”
Missing Arm Drummer Guy: “No one. We start a trend. It’ll be huge.”
Band Member #2: “Like your one arm drumming trend?”

Missing Arm Drummer Guy starts to cry.

Band Members (in unison): “Fine. Pour some sugar it is.”

And the most inane, unrealistic, food-pouring hard-rocking stadium singing song concept was born. And people supported it by buying albums! And CDs! To this day, people are downloading this song on iTunes and listening to it at the gym and bouncing and rocking and singing and pouring…

All in the name of love.

If I was going to write a rock song about love and falling in love and having sexual relations with someone, the last thing I’d do is suggest pouring a condiment with the consistency of SAND onto someone else. I mean, I can’t stand coming back from the beach and having sand in my shoes. You think I want sand-like substances poured all over my entire body? I’m gonna be picking that sand out for years.

So, no. No more. We should change those lyrics for the safety of this country.

Pour some fleece blankets on me
Ooh, in the name of love
Pour some fleece blankets on me
C’mon fire me up
Pour your soft cuddly fleece blankets on me
Oh, I can’t get enough

I’m hot, these blankets are so warm it’s pretty damn sweet
From my head to my feet yeah

Yes, Def Leppard. Call me.

We’ll talk.

12 comments on “Picking Apart The Concept Of Pouring Some Sugar On Me

  1. ms. sizzle - February 27, 2007 at 7:33 am -

    are you sure you don’t live in the PNW? fleece is synonymous with love around these parts.

  2. jerry - February 27, 2007 at 8:13 am -

    What if they had gone with “pour some mayo on me,” huh? Which is the bigger condiment issue for you something with the consistency of sand or the mayo?

  3. Pauly D - February 27, 2007 at 9:11 am -

    Jerry – That’s a tough one.

  4. Loretta - February 27, 2007 at 10:32 am -

    Drumming with one arm is difficult! Drumming isn’t easy two armed either, you know. I’d take sugar over mayo anyday, but chocolate might have been a better choice in retrospect. Either way 80s glam rock is still great!

  5. CJ - February 27, 2007 at 10:32 am -

    I agree that sugar in any sexual type of situation would be most unpleasant.
    But, looking at it from another angle. 80’s heavy metal, (which def lep, planted their roots) was defined by, power, sex, drugs and alcohol. Who’s to say that they’re not singing metephorically, I mean they DO say, “pour YOUR sugar on me.” So, it’s safe to say, that they’re not talking about actual sugar.
    Additionally, the album Hysteria, which is the album this song is from, simply, wasn’t that good. Their album before, Pyromania was seemed to be directed to metal fans, which didn’t seem the case with the album Hysteria. It was more of one long power ballad album, so the “Hard Rock”, and, “Metal” culture of the 80’s rejected them.
    Also, the song was released in the early part of 1984, Rick Allen didn’t lose his arm until new years eve of that year.

  6. Pauly D - February 27, 2007 at 10:42 am -

    CJ – You’re right about the missing-arm drummer guy still having his arm at the time they brainstormed the lyrics to the song. I just didn’t remember his name, thus referring to him by his name that he would eventually adopt after the accident.

    He still cried though when people didn’t like his ideas, armless or not.

  7. CJ - February 27, 2007 at 2:26 pm -

    Yeah, but you’ve got to hand it to the guy (no pun intended) for staying with his drums. Cry baby or not.
    Question:
    How do you get your witty blogs out there? I’ve got my own little blog spot thing going, and I’m not getting much feedback… now, I’m not looking for the lime light, I just like matching wits with my critic peers. Granted I’ve just started in January, and I’ve got a total of nine blogs posted, but a guy can dream can’t he?

    Keep up the great blogging, it makes the day go by faster.

  8. Gina - February 27, 2007 at 4:49 pm -

    Okay. All nice points. Let’s examine it from a “love” point of view. Take, for instance, the recent rise of actual granular sugar in the beauty industry. It’s a major ingredient in body scrubs now. If a body scrub is a type of exfoliation, in which we literally remove layers of ourselves to become a cleaner, purer, more real version of ourselves, then it would make a great deal of sense to pour sugar on each other, for love’s sake, during sexual encounters. Sex is about love, people. Therefore, the more real we become during sex, the more love there is. Do you follow? Def Leppard was really just asking–nay, demanding!–for love–the very real, very pure, and very clean–love. It’s as clear as day.

  9. Stacey - February 27, 2007 at 6:20 pm -

    But what about the diabetics, huh? They need love too. Sugar-free love.

  10. Dawn - February 27, 2007 at 6:50 pm -

    As long as it’s hot, sticky, sweet…and poured from my head to my feet.

  11. Pauly D - February 28, 2007 at 2:34 am -

    Dawn – Really? I mean, really?

  12. Jay - December 17, 2007 at 8:46 am -

    You are a jack ass. Any true Def Leppard fan knows what that song is about. It wasn’t meant literally. And if you had any clue of how of how the drummer lost his arm, you wouldn’t make fun of him. His come back was a true miracle, I don’t know of any other person that could do it.

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