If I Could Transplant Dead Elvis’ Head Onto My Body And Still Be A Contributing Member of Society

If I could transplant dead Elvis’ head onto my body and still be a contributing member of society…well, I think a lot of people who weren’t fans of Elvis would still be pretty damn impressed with my abilities.

See, there would of course be a slew of Elvis fans who would come from miles around just to meet me, if not simply because they’d finally be able to put to rest that old “I wonder what Elvis would look like if he was alive today” debate. Of course, technically, they’d be looking at a dead Elvis head (which looks pretty old and unkempt) but they’d be looking at a well-toned body with bulging muscles from the neck down, and that would at least convince people that although Elvis might have been bloated before…he’d be looking pretty damn fit in the present.

That being said, it’s the non-Elvis fans who would be even more impressed because they’d come to the table with zero Elvis baggage. They’d show up to meet the contributing member of society with the dead head on his shoulders. They’d probably try to have conversations with me and my dead Elvis head, and due to the fact that I would be a contributing member of society — I would obviously have conversations with all of them.

Because you can’t be a contributing member of society if you don’t communicate with society itself. Duh.

And although science and medical technology has not yet reached the point where they allow someone like me to transplant dead Elvis’ head onto my body, just knowing that if it was possible…that I would be a contributing member of society even with the dead crusty head bobbling around on my shoulders…

Well, that makes me feel good about people in general and their ability to accept others, no matter the ailment, disease or dead skull atop their shoulders.

So yeah. I’m feeling good.

9 comments on “If I Could Transplant Dead Elvis’ Head Onto My Body And Still Be A Contributing Member of Society

  1. wordmaven - February 2, 2007 at 10:27 am -

    Well-toned body, bulging muscles AND contributing to society? VERY appealing. I would have never guessed all that from your tiny headshot.

  2. cdub - February 2, 2007 at 10:49 am -

    Imagine the societal implications of such a thing! Pauly, I so admire you for having the mental capacity to dream up this idea….

    Would you keep your brain inside of Elvis’ dead head?

    And, who would be in your entourage? Because surely, you’d want people/dead body parts of similar caliber (not that anyone comes close, mind you) to be your peeps, wouldn’t you?

  3. Dan day ever after - February 2, 2007 at 11:58 am -


    I’d be the first to congratulate you.

    As another King once said:

    it matters not where the head lies if the heart is in the right place.

  4. jadepark - February 3, 2007 at 12:10 pm -

    Ah–I was wondering if I should pile in here and say something witty (as so many of your commenters try to be, to a competitive level!) but I shan’t, because I can’t think of one–only that this is a very clever idea–where do you GET THEM?!

  5. kerrianne - February 3, 2007 at 12:28 pm -

    What about dead Elvis’ sequined pants-suit? I think that would make a lofty substitution for a dead head. No pun intended. I think. ; )

  6. Pauly D - February 3, 2007 at 1:14 pm -

    Kerrianne – You don’t wanna match a dead skull with the dead skull’s pants. That’s trying to hard. Now, I could wear the pants without the skull — that would be hilarious!

  7. Jacquie - February 4, 2007 at 5:19 pm -

    Ok Pauly, first of all, you had me at “a well-toned body with bulging muscles from the neck down”.

    But I will struggle to avoid the distraction and get on with my comment…..

    I am confused as to how you would be a “contributing member of society”. From what I gather, the only 2 things you would be contributing are 1) you are living (partially) proof that science could transplant a dead, decaying, most likely skinless skull to your body and that 2) you would still be able to communicate with others in said society.

    Despite the “well-toned body with bulging muscles from the neck down”, don’t you think that once people got to your smelly scary transplanted head, that in reality, no longer resembles Elvis, they would scream and run for the hills???

    One more question, would you still have Pauly D’s brain, Elvis’ brain, someone else’s brain, all the above, or no brain at all???? Because let’s face it, if we were to lose Pauly D in our society, in the name of science, I see this possibility as more of a loss than an accomplishment.

  8. T. Malone - February 4, 2007 at 11:40 pm -

    Transplant: Surgery. to transfer (an organ, tissue, etc.) from one part of the body to another or from one person or animal to another.

    So, tehcnically, you wouldn’t have to remove your old head to get the new Elvis one. You can have both! This way you’ll get the notoriety without having to deal with awkward family holiday situations.

    Well, ok…not AS awkward.

  9. Pauly D - February 4, 2007 at 11:58 pm -

    T. Malone – You and Jacquie make the kind of research team that Nicola Tesla would be jealous of.

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