You are currently browsing the archive for January 2007.
January 23rd, 2007
- RRA: Really, really amused.
- LOTI: Laughing on the inside.
- SHRN: So hysterical right now.
- LLL: Living, laughing, loving.
- TTTT (OL): Too tired to type, or laugh.
- CCN: Commence chortle, now.
- WAGNGFL: We are go, no go, for laughter.
- RHIPWMES: Really, honestly — I’m pleased with my emotional state.
- IYWHRNYSML: If you were here right now, you’d see me laughing.
- LIDLIJDNEOTIIMBDTTFTAACIHAPWSOBTLOOMALTTRITIDL: Look, I don’t laugh. I just don’t. Not even on the inside. It might be due to the fact that as a child, I had abusive parents who sort of beat the laughter out of me. At least that’s the reason I think I don’t laugh.
Posted under Blogging, Web/Tech. | 20 Comments »
January 22nd, 2007
I couldn’t care less about football.
Burn me at the stake or speak ill will of me because of it, but my idea of fun isn’t sitting down and watching guys in uniform run up and down a field with a pigskin, in what is most-obviously a less toned down, less violent recreation of what the Romans must have enjoyed in their heyday. But these days? Football is just another way for people to make money, get others to spend money, and I’m just not having it. And that seems to bother a lot of people.
That’s why I’ve invented the Fantasy Football Watchers League.
Continuing words »
Posted under Fantasy Football, Football, Inventions, Sports, Superbowl. | 7 Comments »
January 21st, 2007
If the sun was called Poppy Seed, things would be different — that’s for sure.
Your mother might warn you to take the “poppy seed-screen” with you before you went to the beach. If you didn’t, you’d probably get a “poppy seed burn” — which sounds horrific when you really think about it. Classic songs would suddenly have new song titles like “Here Comes the Poppy Seed” and “Poppy Seed-shiny Day.” People would be confused when others told them not to look directly into the poppy seed or risk going blind.
Scientists would freak out all human beings by predicting the day when THE poppy seed would explode and destroy Earth.
Humans would quickly decide they’d rather go out and frolic on a cloudy day, simply based on the fact that no one would want to go play outside on a poppy-seedy day. Fans of the band Midnight Oil would probably no longer be interested in listening to their awesome CD, “Earth and Poppy Seed and Moon.” And no one (and I mean no one) would want to “run to the poppy seed.”
Probably not a good idea if the sun was called “poppy seed.”
Posted under What If. | 6 Comments »
January 20th, 2007
I was at The Farm restaurant at The Grove outdoor shopping area/theme park in Los Angeles yesterday when Jessica Simpson walked right past me.
I was eating my lunch at a table when she and a friend walked past me and settled in at a table at the far end of the restaurant, where Jessica Simpson could be obscured by the rest of the restaurant by a tiny little table wall. But she was behind that wall, drinking and eating just like normal people. She even spoke up and ordered her lunch when the waitress prompted her.
Just like you and me.
There came a point during her meal when Jessica Simpson got up from her obscured table wall area and went to the bathroom. On her way to the bathroom she walked by alternating which foot she thrust forward, then pushed open the women’s bathroom door just like normal human beings like you and me. She was gone for what seemed like an eternity, but which was really only about five minutes and twelve seconds — at which point she sat back down behind the table wall division and resumed her meal (which was obscured by the table wall division).
It was, to say the least, an extremely exciting experience for all.
Posted under Celebrities, Jessica Simpson. | 19 Comments »
January 19th, 2007
There’s cream cheese and then there’s cream cheese.
Ask most people who are currently toasting up an onion bagel what they want on their onion bagel and nine times out of then they’re going to tell you “cream cheese.” No, they won’t suggest what kind, what fat-content type, what consistency, what brand, or even what flavor. They’ll just assume that any cream cheese is fine for a toasted onion bagel, which happens to be the most short-sighted cream cheese decision making process ever.
But if I was your cream cheese concierge? We’d fix that all up.
Posted under Concierge, Cream Cheese, Food and Drink. | 15 Comments »
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