Words for My Enjoyment

Today’s Prognosis on Chin-Implant Force-Feelers

January 25th, 2007

Hoo boy, I’m nervous just typing this one out.

That’s because one of my most traumatic experiences in life involved going to a restaurant/bar where I came face to face with a real life chin-implant force-feeler. And of course you’re asking yourself, what in God’s name is a chin-implant force-feeler? What could such a label mean for a real person? Why is Pauly so afraid of such people and why would it cause such traumatic memories for him?

In a nutshell, a chin-implant force feeler is someone who insists that everyone they know (or don’t know) touch, press and feel their most recent implant…which just happens to be inside of their chin.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t go around asking people to touch my calves just because I got implants there. Nor do I go around suggesting people feel my botoxed forehead or the fat I had sucked out of my butt and re-implanted into my lower lip. My overall rule of thumb when it comes to implants is that if they’re implanted inside of your body they’re for you to know about and no one else to find out about.

Yet Mr. Chin-Implant force-feeler insists you feel his chin.

If you’re wearing a new outfit and you want someone to feel the fabric, go for it. If you’ve just gotten some earrings installed in your lobes and you want someone to get a closer look — ask away. If you want someone to feel how smooth your skin is after that expensive bottle of rehydrating skin lotion, do it.

But don’t ask me to feel anything inside of your body from the outside.

I don’t want to see scars, feel scars, trace the outline of your pacemaker, knock on the metal plate implanted in your skull, touch the “pillowy-goodness” of your Angelina Jolie lips, feel your pect implants, steel knee cap implants, faux-six pack abdominal muscles…and I definitely don’t want to feel your chin implant.

It’s just not right.

Why someone goes around asking strangers to feel their chin implant is beyond me. Saying “go ahead, touch it,” while jutting out ones’ chin in the middle of a packed bar among a room full of strangers has got to be the most random, most needy act I have ever seen… Not to mention, it completely ruined my meal.

Because when you’ve been violated like that and felt someone’s gooey, rubbery chin implant right before a Mexican meal, it just sort of…um…ruins your apetite.

That being said — today’s prognosis on chin-implant force-feelers is way bad. Not good at all. Dare I go out on a ledge here and say that out of all the prognosises ever presented here on WFME, the prognosis on chin-implant force-feelers has fared the worst out of all of them.

Because chin-implant force-feelers are bad.

So very very bad.

Posted under Chin Implants, Prognosis. |