Words for My Enjoyment

I Have Invented a Fantasy Football Watchers League

January 22nd, 2007

I couldn’t care less about football.

Burn me at the stake or speak ill will of me because of it, but my idea of fun isn’t sitting down and watching guys in uniform run up and down a field with a pigskin, in what is most-obviously a less toned down, less violent recreation of what the Romans must have enjoyed in their heyday. But these days? Football is just another way for people to make money, get others to spend money, and I’m just not having it. And that seems to bother a lot of people.

That’s why I’ve invented the Fantasy Football Watchers League.

Have a friend or a co-worker or a significant other who doesn’t desperately love the game of football like you do? Wish that your cubicle mate would have watched yesterday’s New Orleans v. Chicago game so you could talk about how New Orleans was royally destroyed and how exciting it is that the Bears are finally going to the Bowl after twenty-one years of heartbreak? Are you desperate to spend your Sundays with a husband or wife who shares your love for the game but would rather play World of Warcraft instead?

That’s where the Fantasy Football Watchers League comes in.

First of all, it’s free. There’s no hidden costs, nothing to buy, no one will call you and you won’t even get a cheap looking free football phone in the mail. All you have to do is sign into the online home for the F.F.W.L. and you’ll be able to choose your own Fantasy Football Watchers League from a list of faux-people who love the game even more than you do.

As each game airs on television, you’ll be able to log onto the site and talk virtually with your Fantasy Football Watchers whom you have chosen to be a part of your own watching league. You’ll be able to talk about stats, uniforms, behind-the-scenes politics, contract negotiations, pulled hamstrings, illegal steroid usage, and anything else you love spending hours on end discussing as it relates to the game of football.

If you’re looking for someone who just wants to talk about the players’ butts…there’s a Fantasy Football Watcher that you can recruit for such conversations. If you’re looking for someone who watches football just so they can talk about the commercials aired inbetween the gameplay…we’ve got ‘em. If you’re looking for a faux-football watcher who will simply be in awe at the amounts of statistical knowledge you have packed into your brain over the last twenty-nine years, you’ll be able to snag that exact type of Fantasy Football Watcher from our list of participants.

In the end, just because you don’t have anyone in your life who likes to watch football is no reason to go through life NOT TALKING about football. Now, with this amazing invention and online component, you’ll never again be caught talking to yourself about Icy Hot or free agent politics ever again.

Because you’ll have a Fantasy Football Watcher picking up the slack.

Courtesy of me.

The guy who couldn’t care less about watching football.

Posted under Fantasy Football, Football, Inventions, Sports, Superbowl. |