I Have Come Up With An Equation That Will Solve All Your Relationship Problems
January 8th, 2007
x + 2y
——–
z - 1
Where x equals total number of relationships you ended
Where y equals number of times you said “I Love You”
Where z equals your current age
The numerical answer you come up with must be 1 or less to continue striving for romance. If your result is more than the number 1, common wisdom suggests you stop pursuing any romance altogether as you’ve failed way too many times already.
Hope this has helped.
And I laughed at my Algebra teacher when I told her I would never ever use the skills she tried to teach me outside of her classroom. I failed Algebra miserably as I have relationships countless times since. Damn you Miss Crabapple! Damn you!
And thank you, Paul, for this moment of clarity.
Comment by Jerry — January 8, 2007 @ 12:26 pm
So maybe this means I shouldn’t cancel my Jdate subscription quite yet?
Comment by Hilary — January 8, 2007 @ 12:30 pm
Yikes, given my score it’s probably a good thing I’m engaged. Any more points and I’d have to join a monastary.
Comment by James Cooper — January 8, 2007 @ 12:57 pm
Afraid… to… do… the… math….
Comment by The Delightful Peter DeWolf — January 8, 2007 @ 2:09 pm
Math = so not my thing. Can you come up with an “equation” that uses vocabulary? Can’t we just go back to the oh-so-simple “what juice do you like?” Help us numerically-challenged folks, Paul!!
Comment by susan — January 8, 2007 @ 2:49 pm
I am so glad I never said “I love you!” That really upped my score.
Comment by Neil — January 8, 2007 @ 3:38 pm
I’m an English teacher. I’m allergic to math.
Comment by Amy — January 8, 2007 @ 6:29 pm
Pauly, how could you? How could you do what no teacher or professor ever could? How could you make math scare me???
Comment by annabel lee — January 8, 2007 @ 6:56 pm
Wow, and all this time I thought I was good at algerbra.
Comment by jacquie — January 8, 2007 @ 8:05 pm
Of course, the litany of women with whom I’ve used and discarded being so uncountable makes this a difficult formula for me to fill out…
That being said, I consulted all the important documents (letters/emails/journals) and came up with my number:
-436
WTF?
Comment by Dylan — January 8, 2007 @ 8:20 pm
Dylan - A negative number of that score means that you should probably, and don’t quote me here…never ever date again.
Comment by Pauly D — January 9, 2007 @ 7:14 am
It’s a good thing 1-year old don’t get into serious relationships, because you can’t divide by zero.
Comment by monkeyinabox — January 9, 2007 @ 9:48 am
Pauly - You aren’t the only person who’s ever given me that advice…
Comment by Dylan — January 9, 2007 @ 1:23 pm
62! Off by 7. Damn…
Comment by T. Malone — January 9, 2007 @ 9:48 pm