Janie & Jack Hates Babystyle
December 6th, 2006
Feuds color our world, it seems.
From next door neighbors to warring countries to Star Trek fans and Star Wars geeks — there are ideological battles being fought and won on a daily basis throughout our world. Surprisingly, however, the most violent of all feuds currently happening on this planet involves two baby retail stores called “Janie & Jack” and “Babystyle.”
This is a story about such a feud and my desire to fan the flames of discontent.
It’s no surprise that I am currently awaiting the delivery of a new addition to my family. It probably is a surprise that I considered naming my first born something like Lanuga or Meconium Davidson until I was forcefully attacked in a name-rage and made to agree to never utter such names again. It’s probably really, truly a surprise that the employees at my local Janie and Jack are ready to bust some skulls open over at the BabyStyle store a few doors down in the local mall.
Of course, I wasn’t aware of such dark emotions until I prodded them for details the other evening:
Me: “So, you guys totally hate those girls down at Babystyle, don’t you?”
Girl #1: “Haha, what do you mean?”
Girl #2: “Nooooo. They’re fine.”
Me: “Cause I was just down there and they were totally talking sh*t about you guys… That you don’t have cute outfits, that the store is sort of ghetto… That your clientele has a lower income…”
Girl #1: “I hate those Babystyle chicks.”
Girl #2: “And please, what are they talking about? We’ve got like 81 stores nationwide. And what do they have? Like-?”
Girl #1: “Like 20. Whores.”
Me: “You totally talk about them behind their backs in the parking lot on smoke breaks, don’t you?”
[A beat, the two clerks look to each other. Then...]
Girl #2: “We loaned them our staple gun last week… They gave it back to us totally empty. Didn’t even replace the staples at all.”
Girl #1: “They think they’re so great, but they’re not.”
Girl #2: “We have 81 stores nationwide. They’ve got crap.”
Me: “You totally hate those bitches, don’t you.”
Girl #1/Girl #2: “Yeah.”
Me: “Janie and Jack and Babystyle are totally having a feud right now, aren’t they?”
Girl #2: “I mean, who uses up all your staples and doesn’t replace them!?”
Me: “A feud. Totally a feud.”
—
And there you have it. Janie and Jack and Babystyle are totally having a feud. I just wonder if the feud crosses state lines or is just at the Fashion Square mall in Sherman Oaks.
I’ll keep you up to date on this stunning revelation.
Since when is it no surprise that you’re currently awaiting the delivery of a new addition to your family? I’m flipping through my scrapbook of Pauly D memorabilia and public sightings and not finding any mentions.
I understood about three words in this. Are these shops or something? What’s a clerk? What’s a store? Is that like a shop? Sometimes I think you’re not aiming for the international audience.
Comment by Pierce — December 6, 2006 @ 12:41 pm
Pierce - There was indeed a mention, albeit somewhat hidden, that a baby was on her way. As for these stores — they are stores that sell baby clothes, strollers, et al. It’s a huge multi-billion dollar business in this country, stores that sell nothing but crap for babies and little kids.
To answer your other questions: a clerk is someone who makes you pay for clothing and then has you sign the credit card receipt. A store is a place you buy things, like a shop. As for International Audiences? I think you’re the only one.
Comment by Pauly D — December 6, 2006 @ 12:44 pm
In truth I do actually know what clerks are, thanks to Kevin Smith. We do not, however, have staples. Instead we use pigsblood.
Comment by Pierce — December 6, 2006 @ 12:51 pm
Forget Lanuga (so 90’s), Vernix Davidson has so much more cache. You’re welcome.
Comment by susan — December 6, 2006 @ 2:22 pm
hey, i am part of the international audience!!
Comment by Merel — December 6, 2006 @ 3:05 pm
I take it the impending personage will be a she? I remember that there was going to be a mini-you coming but never caught that the flavor had been determined.
Oh, and remember that these days you have to give the kid at least 4 or 5 names so that it can be considered “special”. You can include all the names that pop into your head. Try to have a good idea before you get to the hospital though, because some of those paperwork people will just write down the first thing you blurt out. Although Epidural Omigodwhatisthat!? Davidson might be cute.
Comment by Michelle — December 6, 2006 @ 3:41 pm
Susan - I love “Vernix Davidson.” I’m using it!
Merel - It’s true, you are. I apologize. But other than you and Pierce, there are NO OTHER INTERNATIONAL READERS. (Right?)
Michelle - She will be a she. I will be a wreck. I will hide the keys to the car, lock the front door, and not allow dating until age 21.
Comment by Pauly D — December 6, 2006 @ 7:46 pm
When’s the baby’s due date? I know it’s this month, but I don’t know when. This is so exciting for you!
Comment by Amy — December 6, 2006 @ 8:21 pm
International shout out here. Personally, I think names should be inspred by origin, ie conception scenarios. Hence my offspring Tequila LowRider VWBuggy and Margharita Slingback TripleFeature.
Comment by cinekat — December 7, 2006 @ 5:49 am
i wouldn’t get caught up in the babystyle/janie & jack feud if you don’t have a dog in that fight. things could get ugly.
i think “placenta previa davidson” sounds pretty. i’m sure after she’s born and you twirl her around a few times, you will see that it suits her perfectly.
Comment by dgm — December 7, 2006 @ 11:52 am
Okay…it’s 8:36pm Chicago time and you still haven’t posted. I’m guessing there’s a baby coming…right…about…now.
Comment by Amy — December 7, 2006 @ 6:36 pm
I have never heard of Babystyle and I love the clothes at Janie and Jack. If that makes me ghetto trash, so be it.
By the way, did girl 2 pronounce “Crap” with an accent. In other words, did she say “Crawp”? because that would make me like Janie and Jacks even more.
Comment by jacquie — December 8, 2006 @ 1:16 pm
Janie and Jacks treat their employees like crap. I wouldn’t shop there even “IF” they had the best clothes for little ones.
Comment by kim — April 12, 2007 @ 1:28 pm