An Excerpt From My New Play, “Two Dimes And A Nickel For A Quarter”
November 29th, 2006
Lights up on a Liquor store.
A MAN walks in, approaching the CLERK. He holds out a shiny quarter.
Man: “Hey, can I get two dimes and a nickel for a quarter?”
Clerk: “For what?”
Man: “Um, gotta make a call.”
Clerk: “Calls cost a quarter these days.”
Man: “Oh. Um, it’s for the meter outside.”
Clerk: “Meters take quarters.”
Man: “Can I just get two dimes and a nickel, please?”
Clerk: “I ain’t just makin’ change for no reason whatsoever. What’s the reason?”
Man: “I like dimes. And nickels.”
Clerk: “Nobody likes dimes or nickels. There’s no reason for ‘em. No more, at least.”
Man: “I’m going to the dime store, okay?”
Clerk: “Wrong decade.”
Man: “I’m buying a dime a dozen?”
Clerk: “Nope.”
Man: “Nickel slots?”
Clerk: “This is Los Angeles. Not Vegas.”
Man: “Shoot.”
Clerk: “Yeah. See you.”
The MAN exits.
Lights out.
What a coincidence. I was just adding the finishing touches on “Quarters for a Dollar” and its sequel, “Can you break a Twenty?”
I am thinking Trilogy here, Paul and that ain’t no small chunk of change my friend.
Comment by Jerry — November 29, 2006 @ 8:20 am
Obviously this man has a deep underlying reason for his desire to exchange his quarter for dimes and a nickel. I must know what it is!
Comment by James Cooper — November 29, 2006 @ 8:59 am
I know why the guy wants 2 dimes and a nickel for a quarter, but I won’t ruin the ending for everyone else.
Comment by susan — November 29, 2006 @ 10:50 am
Hmmm.. that reminds me of the other day, I decided to cash in my jar of pennies. I went to the store and used the Coinstar thing. 3500 or so pennies. I then too the paper slip to the register and paid.
Of course, next time I might just take the bag of pennies to the register. That would be fun.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9………2501, 2502, 2503…….3498, 3499, 3500!
Comment by monkeyinabox — November 29, 2006 @ 11:04 am
There’s no hidden agenda here.
There’s no reason in life anymore to want two dimes and a nickel for a quarter.
Comment by Pauly D — November 29, 2006 @ 12:23 pm
This reminds me of back in the day when I used to work in a bar - my older brother also worked there. More often than not, at the end of the night, a particular regular patron, I’ll call him “Jimmy” to protect his identity, would always ask one of the bartenders for two dimes and a nickel. When whomever responding said “Sorry, we only go down to quarters, ” Jimmy would then ask “How about 5 nickels?” he was persistent, but after asking three or four times, he would just go home. Jimmy was also the guy who, for reasons clear only to him, used to call my brother “Soul Neighbor Joe,” even though his name is Bob.
Hey susan - why does the guy want two dimes and a nickel?? Please, please tell me! Is it a euphemism for something else?
Comment by cdub — November 29, 2006 @ 1:57 pm
Maybe he wants two pieces of bubble gum from one of those crank the handle bubble gum dispensing machines that only takes dimes?
Comment by Hilary — November 29, 2006 @ 2:26 pm
Maybe a quarter won’t fit where he wants to stick it. He needs something smaller. Ewww.
Comment by Amy — November 29, 2006 @ 6:58 pm
Dude…just give him the dimes and nickel! Sheesh!
Comment by Dawn — November 29, 2006 @ 8:22 pm
Aw, brings back memories of my dad singing, “Once I built a railroad, made it run, made it race against time. Once I built a railroad, now it’s done. Buddy can you spare a dime.” (he’s 86).
Thanks, delightful.
Comment by Linda Freedman — November 29, 2006 @ 8:22 pm
I throw away my pennies. It’s ridiculous, I know. But I DO. I can’t help it.
Comment by kerrianne — November 29, 2006 @ 10:49 pm
Ok Pauly, you’ve sucked me in? Please tell me that this show is coming to Cleveland and that I can pre-order my tickets before anyone else here.
Comment by jacquie — November 30, 2006 @ 5:11 am
PS… Dawn, if he just gave him the nickel and dimes, there would be no play, now, would there?
Comment by jacquie — November 30, 2006 @ 5:12 am
This is sheer brilliance, Pauly. I liken it to a modern day Waiting for Godot. Will he ever get those two dimes and a nickel? What does he need them for? Is he somehow testing the clerk? Is the nickel actually god?
Absurdist theatre at its finest.
Comment by jenny — November 30, 2006 @ 9:33 am
Jenny - Finally SOMEONE gets it. Yes. The nickel is actually God and the Man is searching to include God in his life, but you can’t just go out and ask for God. If he did, he’d be asking for a nickel in exchange for a quarter which would just throw the Clerk off. So instead, he asks for two dimes and a nickel (God).
His quest, obviously, throughout the play eventually allows him to find his spirituality and buy a piece of Bazooka gum.
Comment by Pauly D — November 30, 2006 @ 9:39 am
Remember, it takes place in a liquor store, so this exchange wouldn’t have ever happened. The guy would have just robbed the place by now.
Comment by The Centaur — November 30, 2006 @ 12:19 pm
So in a way, the man is ashamed to simply ask for god, and therefore the dimes must represent his sins. He asks for more sin than god which is puzzling, but a nickel is larger than a dime, and the US Mint keeps re-doing Jefferson’s head to be bigger and bigger while they haven’t touched FDR’s, so…
I feel dizzy, like I’ve just been to a southern revival. It’s glorious! I can’t wait for this play to make it to Chicago!
Comment by jenny — December 4, 2006 @ 3:23 pm