While WFME is completely unpolitical, we couldn’t turn down five minutes with Iran’s man of the moment.
President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, both complicated on his own and in the spelling of his name, has gained great press since the United States went to war in the Middle East, and is known for his hard-lined and opinionated thoughts on a variety of subjects including Israel, the United States, nuclear weapons and much much more.
Well today, thanks to WFME being granted this imaginary interview, we peel back the layers and find out even more about the man.
WFME: “Good day, Mr. Ahmadinejad.”
Ahmadinejad: “Yes, thank you.”
WFME: “If there’s one thing people can say about you, it’s that you say what you think. Of course, sometimes that gets you into a little bit of trouble. How do you feel about that?”
Ahmadinejad: “Trouble is only trouble to one side of the equation.”
WFME: “Ah, interesting.”
Ahmadinejad: “I thought you’d think so.”
WFME: “So. We already know a lot of your mainstream opinions about other countries, but today we thought we’d really get to know the man behind the man. You know, find out what makes you tick. Cool?”
Ahmadinejad: “This is acceptable.”
WFME: “Great. Let’s start with, um, favorite foods. Have any?”
Ahmadinejad: “I am partial to koobideh. I enjoy khoresht, which is a rice stew and chewlow kabab.”
WFME: “Ah. Um, ok. What about crepes?”
Ahmadinejad: “I despise crepes. I call for crepes to be wiped off the map.”
WFME: “What do you mean, you call for “crepes to be wiped off the map”? What map?
Ahmadinejad: “The map of…um…food. They must be annihilated.”
WFME: “Okay. So, say you succeed in, um, wiping crepes off the map…of food. Then what?”
Ahmadinejad: “Then we will rejoice as a nation, together.”
WFME: “Great, ok. What about hobbies? What do you like to do in your spare time?”
Ahmadinejad: “Although I do not have much time for fun, I do enjoy poetry and art and music.”
WFME: “Ah. Very nice. Have you heard of Coldplay? They’re a great group.”
Ahmadinejad: “Coldplay is a disgraceful blot on the world of music.”
WFME: “Excuse me?”
Ahmadinejad: “Anybody who recognises Coldplay as a great group will burn in the fire of the Islamic nation’s fury.”
WFME: “But they’re COLDPLAY. They have that great song, “Fix You” that Chris Martin wrote for Gwyneth Paltrow after her father died. Such a wonderful, touching song with a great story behind it all. Oh! And Yellow. That’s a great song, too”
Ahmadinejad: “Coldplay should be wiped off the map like the festering bowel of a desert crow.”
WFME: “Hm, ok. So you don’t like Coldplay.”
Ahmadinejad: “Or crepes. Did I mention that crepes should be wiped off the map?”
WFME: “The map of food…right?”
Ahmadinejad: “Yes. That is correct.”