Prison Break: The Drinking Game

Aw, I feel bad for FOX’s Prison Break.

What was a pretty kick-ass show in its first season has quickly become the equivalent of a “shaggy dog story” (a story that goes on and on with no real end in sight, and then when the end comes it’s laughable) with its twisting plot lines and overly dramatic plot points. And apparently, besides people watching it for pretty-boy Wentworth Miller, there really isn’t much more of a reason to watch it…until now.

I give you Prison Break: The Drinking Game.

The rules are simple. Get some alcohol. (Disclaimer: WFME does not condone underage drinking, unless you can do it legally, with the purchase of an illegal ID that makes you suddenly legal enough to buy alcohol. WFME also does not encourage people to drink in excess, as it makes you dehydrated and that doesn’t feel so good.) Now that you’ve got some alcohol, here are the times you’ll have to take a swig while watching the show:

  • One drink everytime Wentworth Miller says, “Damn!”
  • Two drinks everytime someone runs anywhere for no reason whatsoever.
  • One drink whenever a convict on the run uses an everyday household item (bar stool, bathroom pipe, cake tin, fireplace poker, et al) to attack someone in their own home.
  • Three drinks everytime Wentworth Miller squints.
  • The first player to call out a moment where a death will not be fully realized due to a commercial break, may make two other people drink twice.
  • One drink everytime anyone says, “But we just don’t have time!”
  • A shot of hard liquor everytime a car chase happens on a dusty plain, nowhere near civilization or people whatsoever.
  • A drink everytime the FOX announcer says, “Stay tuned for MORE Prison Break,” only to wait around for more Prison Break and to get nothing but commercials and a quick “next week on” teaser.
  • One drink anytime someone mentions the name “Lincoln Burrows.”
  • Two drinks anytime someone asks Lincoln Burrows if he’s Lincoln Burrows.”
  • Three drinks anytime Lincoln Burrows steals a Lincoln car, then crashes it into a ravine.
  • One shot of hard liquor anytime icky pedophile Theodore Bagwell eyes a child.
  • Two shots of hard liquor anytime a body part of Bagwell’s gets destroyed beyond all belief (i.e. hand cut off, eye swollen, et al). Basically, the more he begins to look like a walking zombie, the drunker you’ll get.
  • Three shots of hard liquor everytime you say to a fellow-viewer, “They have to eventually escape and survive this, don’t they?”

If you follow these rules to a T and watch Prison Break tonight, you’ll be sure to accomplish two things by the end of the hour. One, you’ll be drunk. And two, all the annoying parts of the show won’t matter much anymore to you since, well, you’ll be drunk.

Enjoy.

11 comments on “Prison Break: The Drinking Game

  1. Kevin - November 20, 2006 at 10:26 am -

    I think you’d be dead after “previously, on PRISON BREAK” is done airing.

  2. brooke - November 20, 2006 at 10:49 am -

    You’re dissin’ my man! This is all about jealousy. I promise to put your picture on my next “man of dreams” post.

  3. Jerry - November 20, 2006 at 10:51 am -

    Seems awfully complicated. Can I just drink whenever I feel like it while watching? It will have the same effect — I get drunk and the show may or may not get more interesting.

  4. Pauly D - November 20, 2006 at 11:34 am -

    Jerry – I may be wrong, but isn’t drinking just to drink called alcoholism?

    Just wondering.

  5. Jerry - November 20, 2006 at 11:54 am -

    I DON”T HAVE A PROBLEM!

  6. The Centaur - November 20, 2006 at 11:56 am -

    One drink if this crosses your mind:

    Corrupt law enforcement officers… Two handsome guys on the run. .. Lots of car chases in the middle of nowhere… Wait, didn’t I see this exact scene 20 years ago on the Dukes of Hazzard?

  7. Gina - November 20, 2006 at 12:01 pm -

    And if the Rachel Ray cooking show is on the same night and play THAT drinking game (you know, a shot whenever she says “E.V.O.O.” and two shots whenever she giggles that stupid, stupid giggle) you would definitely be able to call out sick the next day. And really, the more a person is able to disguise “drinking just to drink” as a drinking game (ie: watching tv) the less it looks like alcoholism. Go Enabler!

  8. Tucker - November 21, 2006 at 1:35 pm -

    You forgot
    “one drink for every time someone miraculously escapes at the last second”
    and a bonus drink of
    “they escape at the last second and the pursuer is left looking at a blank spot on the ground where the person should have been a moment ago”

  9. mary - November 21, 2006 at 2:50 pm -

    how about a 1 shot minimum when the name “michael scolfiled” is mentioned…….LOL!

  10. Miss Moxie - January 16, 2007 at 11:19 pm -

    I’d like there to be a bonus round — beer bong when Michael reveals a new tattoo elemet. Come on, no haters. This show is pretty awesome!

  11. Technicool - February 6, 2007 at 2:24 am -

    Has anyone actually broken from Prisoin Break yet? How far can this story go? At tleast Wentworth Miller is worth watching.

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