An Excerpt From My New Play, “A Serving of Cereal”
November 4th, 2006
Lights up.
A husband and wife sit across from each other at a table — the husband stares at the side of a box of cereal.
Husband: “Since when is three-quarters of a cup a serving of cereal?”
Wife: “Since forever, dear. That’s why the country is so obese — they don’t eat just a serving of cereal, they eat four servings of cereal.”
Husband: “So then they should make four servings of cereal one serving of cereal then I could just eat one serving of cereal but get more cereal per serving than ever before.”
Wife: “No human needs that much cereal.”
Husband: “I do! I’m no bird or French person for that matter, chewing twenty times and tasting tiny morsels in my mouth. I’m a man. When I’m done eating a bowl of cereal I want the inside edges of my stomach lining to be hurting from the pressure of soggy cereal and chocolate-flavored milk.”
Wife: “That’s exactly why a serving of cereal is three-quarters of a cup.”
Husband: “I’m going to write a letter.”
Wife: “Knock yourself out.”
Lights out.
You could have three cups of muesli. That would probably hurt quite a lot, but: No obesity!
Comment by Pierce — November 4, 2006 @ 9:01 am
Oh, sorry. I forgot this was a play. Not, you know, your kitchen this morning.
Comment by Pierce — November 4, 2006 @ 9:02 am
Well, it was MY kitchen this morning. Almost exactly. 4 servings and the chocolate milk. Paul, have you installed cameras in people’s apartments around the world to use as material from which to draw inspiration? Love the *changes* you made to the scene, though: thanks for adding the *husband* who ate the four servings, and for leaving out what I was wearing. Next time you use MY apartment camera as inspiration for your posts, though, you have my permission to describe me as H.O.T. and not married. Because that’s the truth. ahem.
Comment by Gina — November 4, 2006 @ 9:12 am
My brother eats four HUGE bowls of cereal each night before he goes to sleep…literally a whole box of cereal. And he’s 5′11″ and 150 lbs. soaking wet.
He says he eats that much cereal because he’s changed the meaning of “one serving.” Three-quarters of a cup wouldn’t feed my six-month-old!
Comment by Amy — November 4, 2006 @ 8:06 pm
Amy - It all makes sense to me. A box of cereal should be ONE serving.
Comment by Pauly D — November 4, 2006 @ 9:10 pm
Wow, Paul… I would never have imagined that there would be 2 categories : “man” on one hand and “french person” on the other hand !!!
Comment by Laurence — November 5, 2006 @ 5:49 am
That’s a conversation between you and your wife, isn’t it.
Comment by brooke — November 5, 2006 @ 7:02 am
That was profound! I laughed. I cried.
It has it all! Onward, Pauly! Onward!
Comment by cutiepie — November 5, 2006 @ 7:02 am
Brooke - They say you should write about what you know.
Comment by Pauly D — November 5, 2006 @ 7:19 am
One serving of ANYTHING is too small.
Comment by Jeff — November 5, 2006 @ 7:18 pm
It’s not a bad play, but it needs a sword fight in the middle.
Comment by The Centaur — November 6, 2006 @ 12:38 pm
I don’t think cereal, no matter how large the portion, is ever enough to keep a person going until the next meal. If I don’t have some kind of protein in my morning meal, I’m hungry 10 minutes later.
In the cereal portion-control-determiners defense (hows that for an official job title?), perhaps they are assuming you will be having some meat or peanut butter with the cereal?
Comment by jacquie — November 27, 2006 @ 5:53 am
Referenced at: http://breakfastbowl.blogspot.com/2006/12/bloggers-and-cereal.html#links
Comment by Lloyd — December 1, 2006 @ 9:52 pm