Writing Your Own Choose Your Own Adventure Book Is Actually Pretty Tough

You wake up on the sandy white beaches of a far away island. The ship you were traveling on, the S.S. Wellington, is no more than a memory. And it’s passengers? Gone, except for you. A chest sits beside you and a dark ominous cave can be seen just at the horizon.

If you open the chest, continue to 1A.

If you go to the cave, continue to 1B.

The chest is locked and you don’t have the key.

If you curse the chest, go to 2A.

If you go back to where you were shipwrecked, go to AA.

The cave is scary. You have nothing to light your way.

If you go inside despite having no light (stupid decision), go to 3A.

If you go back to where you were shipwrecked go to AA.

You curse the chest with all your might. It still doesn’t open.

If you continue to curse the chest, go to 2A.

If you go back to where you were shipwrecked, go to AA.

You fall into a deep hole, impaling yourself on a sharp stick of some kind, although since it’s so dark you really can’t tell exactly what you impaled yourself on except for the fact that it has a “woodsy” smell to it.

If you cry out, desperately, go to 4A.

If you decide to die, go to 5A.

You cry out. Desperately. Good work.

If you decide to give up and die, your journey has ended.

If you decide to cry some more like a pansy whose fault it is anyway since you walked into a dark cave without a light source of any kind, go to 4A.

You die, in a dying kind of way.

The End.

13 comments on “Writing Your Own Choose Your Own Adventure Book Is Actually Pretty Tough

  1. James Cooper - October 18, 2006 at 8:50 am -

    Hmm, somehow I get the impression this is a no-win situation. I guess it is kind of hard to write your own choose your own adventure book…

  2. Pauly D - October 18, 2006 at 9:05 am -

    James – Hard? Try tough.

  3. Keith - October 18, 2006 at 9:06 am -

    If you decide to cry out and then cry some more, you get stuck in an infinite loop.

  4. Pauly D - October 18, 2006 at 9:08 am -

    Keith – Let that be a lesson to chronic criers everywhere.

  5. kapgar - October 18, 2006 at 9:23 am -

    Is there any way I can die in a living kinda way? Just curious.

  6. Hilary - October 18, 2006 at 10:35 am -

    Crap. I didn’t want to die.

  7. Jacquie - October 18, 2006 at 11:31 am -

    This is the longest post you have ever written Pauly. I’ve been reading now for over an hour. I’m still cursing the chest. I can’t believe it goes on after this. I thought I would take a break to leave a comment but I’m dying to know what happens when I’m done cursing this chest.

  8. Dave2 - October 18, 2006 at 12:30 pm -

    I keep getting trapped by the pirates after my monkey takes the coconut. Is there a way to escape from the pirates, or should my monkey leave the coconut alone next time? But I thought you needed the coconut so you could throw it at the parrot before he warns the ninjas that you are going to steal the key to the chest.

    What an awesome game!

  9. JM - October 18, 2006 at 3:49 pm -


    Nice one.

    You know what would be hilarious and way too complicated to do because we’re too lazy busy:

    A Choose Your Own Adventure that goes through a bunch of different blogger’s sites. All coordinated and awesome-funny.

    Alas: busy.

  10. better safe than sorry - October 18, 2006 at 5:04 pm -

    living it would be even tougher. i’ll take what’s behind door #2.

  11. Daniel - October 19, 2006 at 1:44 am -

    What’s with all the mental focus on impaling or watching gleefully while someone is on fire?

    I don’t know how to pretend it’s
    not a sincere expression of sadistic spirit.

    What else could it mean?

    Is it a tough guy pose?

    ‘Cause it not as cool as being a pansy….. for instance

  12. Dylan - October 19, 2006 at 6:39 am -

    You know what, Pauly? We can’t be friends anymore. In fact, you are my sworn enemy.

    I began reading this post at 10:31 yesterday morning. It is now 8:38 in the morning here in Texas. I stuck with it because, you know, I’ve been told that my stick-to-it-tiveness is my best quality, but at some point this just became ridiculous.

    Seriously Davidson, I’ve got things to do.

  13. Kathleen - October 22, 2006 at 12:46 pm -

    I chose the cave and got caught in a vicious cycle of crying out.

    dang it.

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