October 12th, 2006
- Thought about getting up and going to the bathroom forty-five times during the middle of the night, then proceeded to have dreams in which I had to go to the bathroom forty-five times during the middle of the night, then didn’t get up and do something about it until the morning.
- Went to pick up a quarter off the floor and it took twenty-two attempts until I was actually able to grasp the quarter and pick it up between my two sausages-for-fingers.
- Tried to plug in a three-pronged electrical cord into an outlet that only accepted two-prong electrical cords, at least ten times before realizing the error of my ways.
- Burped inwards, twenty-nine times, after drinking a full bottle of sparkling water.
- Ate an entire bottle of Tums (which are, incidentally, the new Flintstones Chewable Vitamins), which contain over 100 chewy fruity tablets of digestion-goodness in less than two weeks.
- Asked “what?” to someone telling me I had food on my cheek at the dinner table, eight times before realizing they were telling me I had food on my cheek.
- Slammed my bad knee in to the sharp metal corner of my coffee table, one-hundred and twelve times.
- Used too much toilet paper, one-thousand, twenty-nine times.
- Got dessert, eighty-five thousand, six-hundred fifteen times.
- Opened a plastic food package with my teeth, secured nasty plastic papercut on my mouth, fifty-four times.
Posted under Guinness Book, Lists, World Records. |
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well it sure does take you a lot of times to learn a lesson!
Comment by ms. sizzle — October 12, 2006 @ 8:46 am
I dunno what to say to this one
some things will have to speak for themselves
Comment by Daniel — October 12, 2006 @ 9:02 am
Sizzle - You meant to say, “it sure does take me a lot of time to set a Guinness Book World Record.”
Right?
Comment by Pauly D — October 12, 2006 @ 9:12 am
If it’s generated by plastic, how can it still be described as a papercut? “Plastic papercut” is like saying you drive a wooden metal car.
Comment by Keith — October 12, 2006 @ 9:15 am
Keith - Sorry, I meant to write “plasti-cut”.
Comment by Pauly D — October 12, 2006 @ 9:18 am
I hate dreaming about going to the bathroom. I secretly live in fear that one day my sleep paralysis will wear off just when I’m dreaming of relieving myself. Or chasing a squirrel up a tree. Hmm, it’s no longer a secret now is it?
Comment by James Cooper — October 12, 2006 @ 9:20 am
There are no secrets - only common fears……
Unless you Killed somebody and ate ‘em or something.
I spelled “Killed” with the upper case K, because it is a Capital crime
Comment by Daniel — October 12, 2006 @ 10:25 am
any woman that has been pregnant will totally blow your #1 tally.
Comment by better safe than sorry — October 12, 2006 @ 11:54 am
I wondered about your definition of too much toilet aper - until I realized I really didn’t want to know.
Comment by cinekat — October 13, 2006 @ 7:00 am
Regarding item #2: Are your sausage “fingers” at the end of your steak “arm” or your tuba “arm”?
Comment by susan — October 13, 2006 @ 8:23 am
Susan - Steak arm, of course.
Comment by Pauly D — October 13, 2006 @ 8:33 am