Times are a changin’ my friends.
You may or may not remember what the 90’s were like, but it seemed like everywhere you looked (TV, Movies, Books) there was someone getting impaled. Impaled on sharp stakes, metal gates, spears, bent poles on the side of the highway, missles, and a whole slew of phallic metallic (or phatallic) objects just for the sake of the “oohs” and “aahs” of pop culture watchers.
Well, you’ll be happy to know that emptied-out skulls is the new impalement.
Look around. Impalements are totally on the decline. Watch a horror movie and you’ll be hard-pressed to really find a handful of impalements. It’s sort of sad, really — there’s nothing like watching the beginning of an impalement and then quickly watching as the camera flips to the opposite angle so you can already see how far through someone’s chest that cricket bat went. Impalements were the creative way of killing someone without having to show much gore — since impalements really don’t drag your guts through the hole and out the other side.
But emptied-out skulls? Yeah, a little more gory.
Now everywhere you look, people’s heads are being chopped open, stuff is being scooped out, and people are often walking into rooms discovering said heads emptied-out, scooped out and there’s often an eerie look on the subject’s face since, well, ironically their skull was just emptied out and between you and me they probably wish they were impaled on a Yield sign instead.
Progress, people. Progress.
But beyond the reasoning of a million creative media-makers and their choice to abandon the classy, morose “impalement scene” with the “in your face” emptied-out skull thing, is a bigger question. A question that is larger than all the questions strung together and hurled from here to the moon and back. A question that I would like to ask here and now but whose answers I don’t necessarily want since this is the whole rhetorical part of the post:
Why couldn’t slamming hands in car doors be the new impalement?
There are so many other better, realistic, cringe-inducing ways to scare people than emptying out some guy’s skull. How many people are afraid of getting their hand stuck in a closed car door? How many people would rather not think about getting their cuticles ripped out? How many people would rather not have a midget living in their fridge 24 hours a day?
Millions of people would rather not think about such things.
So while empited-out skulls seemingly must be the new impalement, I would like to appeal to those who have the power to change such “blank is the new blank” scenarios, and make fingers slammed in car doors the new emptied out skulls. I know that emptied out skulls has only been the new impalement for a few years now, and that impalements were at the top of their game for like two decades, but sometimes change is needed. Sometimes the new “fad” can’t be the new fad for as long as the previous fad was the old new fad.
I think you know what I mean, and I think you agree.
Fingers. Car doors. Make it so.