Normally, I’m afraid of hide n’ go seek.
But just like I once took the glorious Olympic games and adjusted them to be more fun — well, there’s ways around sucking the fear out of that horrific hiding game and giving it a little bit more to make it sing (no pun intended). And having put thought into it, I’ve decided there’s one way I’d be able to stomach the running, hiding and seeking game.
I’d want to play it with superstar singer Lionel Richie.
When I’ve vocalized to friends and family that I’d be willing to play hide n’ go seek as long as I could play the game with Lionel Richie, people have often looked at me with a half-cocked, cockeyed, kind of cockneyed accentish look on their faces. Primarily because out of all the people you could choose to hide and go seek with, most people suggest public figures like Colin Powell (he knows how to find and locate really hard to find hidden things like WMDs) and James Cromwell (he’s lanky and skinny and could hide behind a pole and you’d never see him). And then others just throw out figures from history that they’d love to hide from like Mussolini and Charles Manson.
But for me, it’s Lionel Richie all the way.
If I could play hide and go seek with Lionel Richie, I would have certain places I would hide and certain places I wouldn’t hide. For one, I would never hide in any location near or around the ceiling (i.e. lofts, in the rafters or attic). This is due, mostly, to the fact that Lionel Richie is famous for once saying (and singing):
Man, what in the world is happening down
at the end of the hall?
I don’t have a clue?
Let’s check this thing out!
What is happening here
Something’s going on that’s not quite clear
Somebody turn on the lights
It’s starting tonight
Oh, what a feeling
when we’re dancing on the ceiling.
Know this: a singer is the product of his thoughts and his lyrics, and they shape their everyday decision making. This would be both helpful and an impasse for me in my hiding techniques. Based on the lyrics from Lionel’s above song, I would have to make sure that I didn’t hide at the end of the hall, near lights (cause he’s going to turn on the lights for sure after he exclaims that he’s going to “check this thing out!”) and I’ll definitely not hide anywhere near a ceiling because he’s going to exhaust searching out that location first and foremost.
But this is a good thing. This gives me a leg up on Lionel Richie if I could play hide n’ go seek with him.
Knowing Lionel Richie likes to continually exclaim out loud “what is happening here” and “somebody turn on the lights” instead of the more mainstream “I’m coming for you” and “somebody’s gonna get found soon” would probably cause me to disconnect or remove actual light bulbs in the room/areas I was hiding. I think the best places to hide in a big house opposite Lionel Richie in a game of hide n’ go seek would probably be inside small toy chests, in un-lit basement corners, behind old treadmills in the never-used home gym and potentially under blankets or something.
I don’t think Lionel Richie would ever think to look under lumpy blankets.
But what would make playing hide n’ go seek even more glorious to play against Mr. Richie would be the fact that the moments leading up to him finding me (if he ever did) — I would totally tweak my trademark “Betcha can’t find me” taunt (which I would constantly whisper from my hiding place to taunt the seeker) to something a little more Lionel Richie-esque. Something like:
Hello! Is it me you’re looking for?
Cos I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely
Is someone loving you?
Well, maybe I’d cut out the feeling lonely and the “is someone loving you” line.
That probably wouldn’t go over too well in a game of hide n’ seek.
In other news, tomorrow brings us another edition of “Words For Your Enjoyment” — where you submit an idea for a post, we use it, and give you the kind of credit that’s worth nothing in the free economy that we enjoy here today. Give it a whirl!