Words For Your Enjoyment: Dinner Parties
September 29th, 2006
WFYE is back with a vengeance on today, your glorious Friday.
The time off has been glorious, as readers worldwide have submitted thousands of ideas and the powers that be have whittled said submitted ideas into a spry list of dozens — choosing some for future weeks and one for today. I hope that in explaining our selection process all those who submitted their ideas are pleased with the inner-workings.
But alas, let’s get down to today’s intriguing suggestion.
Jeanette P. writes: “Pauly - you’re always telling us about your experiences with celebrities and your run-ins but you hardly ever talk about your experiences with normal folk, like us…your humble readers! Do you ever hang out with real people? Do you ever take lunches with friends? What about dinner parties? Do you ever go to those? Write about that…I challenge you!”
Ah, Jeanette brings up a very interesting subject matter when she mentions “dinner parties.”
While I do often have lunches and non-coffee coffee talk with friends and normal regular people, there was an incident that occured a few years ago that has soured me completely on dinner parties altogether. Part of me didn’t want to share this story with anyone at all (because I try to keep this blog as impersonal as possible) — but I felt that by sharing the incident in question with all of you, I could at least gauge if I’m being insensitive or if my reaction to the following situation was warranted.
So, here it goes:
About two years ago a very good friend of mine from college invited me to come to a dinner party she was having. It was one of those game nights where people gather around the table and play everything from Pictionary to Clue to those generic games that come with small globules of clay that you can find at Starbucks. The games night portion of it was fine. I love games. Even though I never win at Clue, I was up for a night of fun, friends and food.
Ah yes. The food.
Seems that my good friend was obsessed with roast beef and was planning on having another friend of hers cater the night with big platters of roast beef sandwiches. Sourdough bread, roast beef…and mayonnaise.
Yes. Roast beef and mayonnaise. Together.
Don’t get me wrong, but I am so not a supporter of combining roast beef and mayonnaise. It’s honestly, kind of wrong. Sort of gross. I mean, put roast beef and mustard together and I can stomach that. But roast beef and mayonnaise just sort of turned my stomach to the point of not wanting to have to sit there around the table playing games and watching people gladly approve of such a food choice. So, I did what any roast beef/mustard loving person with a true sense of taste would do…
I told her that I didn’t think I was going to come to her dinner party.
It caused a huge argument between the two of us. Why couldn’t I just come and accept her food choice, she argued. Why couldn’t I just be happy for her and her favorite food combination and celebrate all things Balderdash with all of our friends? Why did I have to be so holier than thou when it came to roast beef and mayonnaise? I thought about her points for awhile before coming to a compromise. I told her that I’d come to the night if she wouldn’t make me eat the roast beef and mayo sandwiches and if I could bring my own food choice combination in a ziploc bag.
After some grief, she agreed to let me bring my roast beef and mustard.
Needless to say, when I showed up at the dinner party and I looked around and watched everyone happily gobbling up the combination my good friend was peddling — it sort of made me ill. But I held onto my own combination and munched down on it happily, even offering up samples to the people around me so they could see what they were missing. Some people were happy to partake, but most people got angry and annoyed that I would try to push my roast beef/mustard combination onto them.
It turned into a huge nightmare.
At the end of the whole scenario, while I was filled with quality meat and condoments, I was also filled with a sense of dread as the rest of the people around me were throwing disapproving glances my way. And all because I disagreed with the combination before me. After the fact, I decided that I would never again go to a dinner party because I was bound to not approve of certain food combinations and my friendships were more important to me to save than arguing about food in the heat of the moment.
Call me a food bigot if you must, but some combinations should never come together in celebration.
Since then, some people have said my decision to bring my own combination with me and not fully participate in the ingestion of meat and mayo made me a horrible friend. Others have supported me for standing strong with my beliefs that a white creamy substance should never be allowed to exist on the same plane of wheat with a dark, reddish beef. And then others think I’m crazy for letting such a thing keep me from my friend’s dinner party.
I can only believe in myself and my opinion that roast beef and mayo don’t mix, and stand strong in the face of adversity.
That’s rich.
Interesting….True story…true story
Uhuh.
It’s interesting….. while I mention that Mayonaisse originates from the shores (probaby more inland than that) of the bland, flat and uneventful Isle of……anybody?….No? …..that’s ok.)
Menorca.
But that’s where the story really begins.
At the begining.
So begin the beguine:
Menorca-Majorca
Minor- major orcas
The orca part I just made up..
But ya see, this is a long story for a guy who types with two fingers but it’s the other eight fingers in this story that deserve a hand, because while the Islands of Menorca and Majorca are possesions of Spain (the country)
But as Islands they’re are not attached by land.
And neither is the fairly ancient language there spoken by the happy Savages.
As we shall see again that Menorca and Majorca are recognizable words (Major and Minor) Idinit cool ?
by virtue of they’re shared roots in Sanskrit and historical migrations through classical Greco-Roman civilizations and eventual to Un-Romanized, gemanic *barbarians ( Greek word derived from mocking the sound of Non-greek speech (Bah bah….Barbarian. It’s true)
Europe and *England( which is germanic itself ( *Angle- Saxon et. al)
In fact, and even more fascinating then the Menorca and Mayonaisse facts (note the *Phonetic (*Phoenicans… semitic peoples present day Lebanon) relation of the words “facts” and “fascinating”)
is that the *SPOKEN (*very germanic word) language of every people (persons) from India to england inclusive (present company expectorated) except and in this chronological order: The Basque Language (posibbly a proto-indigenous (I just manufactured that conjunction) language thhat pre dates sanskrit , Finni-ugaric, which became *Finnish and Hungararian from horsemen from the Ural steeps who entered eastern europe in the 9th century and from whence the word “Ogre” comes. Ugar-Ogre.
And turkish a people of sorts, who conquered what is now conveniently called turkey in 1453. Turkish is related to Mongolian and tungusic gooks er.. groups (Korean)
Menorca…… Oh yes Menorca.
Lets just say it brings back fond memories
I grow weary as a great lassitude descends upon me
The Horror…. The horiahhahhhhhhh
Comment by Daniel — September 29, 2006 @ 4:57 am
You could have played the allergy card: “I’m allergic to mayo. Can I bring some mustard?”
Or not.
I must say, however, that you may have changed the way I look at a roast beef and mayo sammich. And not in a positive sense. Damn you.
Comment by Alison — September 29, 2006 @ 6:46 am
what kind of anal retentive friend would be so controlling as to not offer alternative dishes to begin with? Sounds more like an indoctrination meeting than a game night.
Comment by Jerry — September 29, 2006 @ 7:04 am
What kind of person serves roast beef with mayo! Ugh. It’s kind of like a Hebrew National with Mayo. You know? Just night right.
I can only say that, being your friend, she should have realized the pain in the ass you are..lol..and not be surprised by your BYORBwithMustard. lol.
Comment by christie — September 29, 2006 @ 7:22 am
The advisor on the paper that I work at asked me to get her a hot dog from the school cafeteria, and she wanted mayo, mustard AND ketchup on her hot dog. Everyone KNOWS the only acceptable condiments for hot dogs (after the age of
is mustard, relish, sauerkraut (if available) and onions.
To her, in this anonymous venue, I say, “shame. SHAME!”
Oh yeah, roast beef and mayo is gross too.
Comment by Dylan — September 29, 2006 @ 7:26 am
Your “friend” is weird. Not in her food choice, because that’s what America is all about - freedom to choose your condiments, but that she gave you a hassle. I spin myself in circles whenever I host any food related gathering, making sure vegetarians, kosher and condimentarians (like you) have CHOICE.
Comment by susan — September 29, 2006 @ 8:14 am
Besides, if I lived on the left coast, PaulyD, I would totally want you at my party, and insist you be on MY team, especially for any WORD related games. With your Scrabbleability and my Play-doh skills, WE WOULD ROOL!!!!
Comment by susan — September 29, 2006 @ 8:20 am
I still don’t understand why people use mayo in the first place on anything except for a minor tab when making tuna fish. It’s an abhorrent substance.
Comment by Keith — September 29, 2006 @ 8:59 am
Dammit, that’s minor DAB, not tab. I should not be allowed near a keyboard before 10am.
Comment by Keith — September 29, 2006 @ 9:00 am
Ditto to what Keith said. I can’t stand mayo…what a way to ruin a sandwich. I have heard however, that using mayo in baked goods makes them moister. I have yet to try it.
Comment by Hilary — September 29, 2006 @ 9:50 am
surely you jest.
this did not actually happen, did it?
all i can say is roast beef with mayonnaise sounds as gross as hot dogs and mayonnaise.
blech.
Comment by Sarcomical — September 29, 2006 @ 10:30 am
Sarcomical - No, I’m being serious. I would think, though, that you’d be on my side. Roast beef should only be with mustard. Period. And if people are surprised that I won’t go to their events because they’re trying to peddle some ungodly combination, then they’re just living in a dream world.
Don’t you think?
Comment by Pauly D — September 29, 2006 @ 10:34 am
I essentially destroyed a dinner party tradition of gathering for dinner every week and then watching the sitcom “Friends” together.
For the record, I hated “Friends.” And I wasn’t allowed to comment on the absurdity of the show either. That would “ruin it” for everyone else, I was told. Seeing as how I would hate to ruin a total crapfest for someone, I decided that it was just better for me to not attend.
So yes, Paul, I agree completely: Sometimes the horrible taste of your friends can offset whatever satisfaction you might get from hanging out with them.
Comment by The Centaur — September 29, 2006 @ 2:27 pm
Mayonnaise goes best with french fries, especially if it’s homemade mayonnaise.
Then again when I make mayonnaise, I go a little mayonnaise crazy (would that be mayonncraisy?) and put it on everything from my morning toast to my spinach salad at dinner).
Comment by Alex Fayle — September 29, 2006 @ 2:33 pm
It’s about time you got more personal with us, Pauly D. I feel that this information about your complete disdain for mayo with roast beef has really filled a void in me (and perhaps many of us) that I have been anguishing over at therapy for the last several months. I finally can feel some closure in my need to know more about you. Thank you for that!
Comment by jacquie — September 30, 2006 @ 6:25 pm
Frankly I am a roast beef and ketchup girl but then again I also put ketchup on cornbeef too. Many of my food combinations might seem strange to other people. However, I don’t impose my food combinations on other people. In fact, I hate mushrooms and yet when I know someone really likes them I will incorporate (albeit as a separate side dish) mushrooms into the meal. Or if I know someone doesn’t like tomatoes, I will put them on the side so they don’t have to “pick” them out.
As for the condiments - I don’t ever pre-make sandwiches for my guests. My friends are all adults they can make their own sandwiches. The appropriate thing to have done was to have all the ingredients on separate plates (one bread, one meat, one lettuce, one tomato, one onion) and a variety of condiments for her guests to select from. Even a restaurant allows you to select the items you want on your sandwich.
I definitely think it was rude of her to say you had to bring your own sandwich too. I don’t think you should totally cut out dinner parties except for with that particular friend. She was selfish.
Comment by Jody — October 4, 2006 @ 7:51 am