Words for My Enjoyment

The Post Where I Introduce My Hypothesis That People In Society Are Extremely Bored, Thus The Creation of a New Game Called High-Stakes Bingo

September 23rd, 2006

People are extremely bored, aren’t they?

That’s why things like Texas Hold ‘em became so popular. That’s why the country is locked their frenetic grip around a simplistic game show called Deal or No Deal where people simply pick cases and hope something good is inside of them. That’s why movies that involve people doing painful things to themselves (i.e. Jackass 2) will seemingly keep people’s attention for over 90 minutes.

And that’s why high-stakes Bingo has been created as well.

Life used to be simpler in the old days. Before any of us were alive, in the middle of the 20th Century, people sat around and talked, listened to the radio and knitted (at least I’m told they did). Then technology advanced exponentially and our ability to be entertained grew tougher and more discerning to crack. Then came the idea to spice up normal everyday things in an attempt to keep everyone interested and entertained.

The latest casualty of such an action is none other than BINGO.

On its own, Bingo was a simple, harmless game. Stare at a card with a bunch of numbers and letters and sit around hoping the person at the front of the room will call enough of your numbers so that you can black-out five in a row, thus winning the round and, um, winning the round. Churches implemented the game and added a monetary payout element in order to keep people interested and potentially make some extra cash.

But this was all before high-stakes Bingo was created.

High-stakes Bingo involves getting a group of your friends together and having them invite a group of their friends, and having those friends invite any ‘ol person they can find to one location. In order to gain admission to said location, each person must bring two (2) items from their homes that they potentially might have wanted to sell on eBay or in a garage sale that are worth real cash. We’re not talking about old dolls and blankets here. We’re talking about videogame consoles, bread makers, art, furniture, et al. You bring two pieces, you place them in the high-stakes Bingo showroom (as they call it) and you take your seat for a night of reckless abandon.

Reckless abandon = Bingo.

Each time you win a round of high-stakes Bingo you get to go into the “Bingo showroom” and pick out one of the luxurious prizes awaiting you. That’s right — now you can match your skill at listening for numbers and letters on your Bingo sheet and transforming such a talent into an old Coca Cola wall clock or a used breast-milk pump! Or even better, you could walk away at the end of the night (if you’re really good at the game) with a microwave, TV-watch and an unopened box of Almond Roca Buttercrunch.

Like I said, people in society are extremely bored.

That being said, if you’re really bored enough to take perfectly good games and give them twists that make them even more annoying, I’ve got a list of ones you might really enjoy. For example there’s: Kickball & Bullets, Hopscotch & Vodka, Chinese Jumprope Torture, Hide and Go Steep, Cowboys, Indians & Lobotomies and my all-time favorite — Run As Fast As You Can With Your Eyes Closed, Into A Wall.

I figure, if people in society are bored enough to create high-stakes Bingo, there’s a real opportunity here to be creative.

Posted under Bingo, Games. |