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I Am The King of Making Simple Instructions Seem Complicated
Years ago, I used to eat a ton of Taco Bell soft tacos.
Why it happened and what caused me to do such a horrific thing is a story for another day, but needless to say, the most fascinating part of eating them were the instructions on the wrapper. It laid out a slew of very elaborate steps in eating the soft taco which included: pulling back the wrapper, exposing part of the soft taco, taking a bite, pulling back additional paper from the wrapper’s edge, taking another bite and repeating until finished.
At the time I thought it was ludicrous, until I started making simple instructions seem complicated myself.
Ask a normal person how to turn on the TV and they’ll tell you to press the power button. Ask me how to turn on the TV and I’ll give you the ten step process which includes: grabbing the remote control, pressing the LIGHT button to illuminate the touch screen on the remote, press the TV/STB glow-in-the-dark circular button, look on the touchscreen to make sure you’re on the TV screen, find the virtual touchscreen button that says POWER, press it, sit down on the couch, turn to the channel of your choice, watch TV and enjoy.
Some people say my habit of giving complicated instructions are caused by the technology I own.
But that’s not true when someone asks me how to get to my house and I give them the ten step instructional process that includes: get in your car, head this direction on that freeway, be sure to look for this building, then get into this lane, then turn from that lane, then go past a few more landmarks, then make a turn on this street, then look for this colored mailbox (which isn’t my house) but will be four houses down from my actual house, then park on this side of the street since today is street cleaning day and then walk up to my door and knock instead of ring the doorbell and I should answer pretty quickly.
And yet some people will say that giving directions is a multi-layered directional process that requires ten or more directions instructions.
But that’s not true when someone asks me how to breathe and I tell them to make sure the house is quiet, sit in a comfortable place, cross your legs, let your arms hang loosely at your sides, breathe in through your nose being sure to hold the breathe for a few seconds, let your breath out through your mouth while feeling all tension going away and then repeat until you’re breathing up a storm.
And yet some people will say that breathing is a natural instinct we don’t need instructions in order to do.
No matter the question and no matter how simple the action and no matter how much you want to fight me on this subject, I seemingly can’t give someone a set of simple instructions in less than ten steps. Ask me to do it and I’ll feel like I’m shorting you on some instructional benefit. Ask me to speak tersely and I’ll find myself becoming even more verbose. Ask me how to open the sliding glass door and I might tell you to get good footing, place one foot in front of one door and another in front of the other door, make sure the alarm system is off, look for the pin at the base of the door that keeps it locked, bend down to un-latch it, then stand back up with your legs in the same position and locate the lock on the door itself, flipping it up carefully in one full swoop, then grasp the handle with one hand and pull away from the other door, being sure to not open it too quickly or else it will slam against the door frame, then be sure the screen door is open before you take a step out, open that screen door, take a step outside and then be sure to close the door behind you.
See? I’m the King.
And there’s no cure.
Is there at least a “complicated-answer-givers-anonymous” (CAGA) so you don’t feel so alone? Maybe, since you’re the king, you should be responsible for forming such a group.
I was intending to read this post, but there weren’t any instructions involved on how to do so. I was totally lost.
oh see. I went and messed it up. It was supposed to be CIGA (complicated INSTRUCTION givers anon.)
My parents were right, I am stupid!
Wow, there are instructions on the soft tacos? I just thought I was supposed to eat the paper…. hmmm….
In truth, I would rather people give precise directions to somewhere since I can get lost in a paper bag, but other than that… I admit, I am a “get to the point already!” person.
I’m the original “gotta know” girl – I appreciate the “why” of everything. I cannot understand anyone who doesn’t therefore follow my elaborate directions (can’t they see how well-thought out and thorough I am?). You go Pauly!
i love very detailed instructions, it actually makes the world a simplier place.
I’d hate to think of the detail you’d go into when training a kid to go potty XD
paul, you are the king of MANY things. let’s be honest.
You sound a lot like my husband.
Do the soft taco instructions cover the bathroom aftermath?
My absolute favourite thus far were the instructions – both written and illustrated – on the proper use of a toothpick, right on the cardboy they came in. Instant classic right there. See, you’re not so bad…
Am I the only one who rips the left side of those stupid wrappers? That’s Step One for me.
hehe, dont know how i came across your blog, but i am one of those people who can’t give simple answers as well.
I just seem to have this problem about what is and ISNT relevent.. or perhaps a better word would be ‘neccessary’.
I can’t seem to block out all the tiny bits of information that come with each answer i give. I tend to ramble, my mum always says, “I’m not stupid! You dont need to gove me a blow-by-blow account of everything. Wat she doesnt understand is that i simply cannot help it.
Like you, i feel like im not giving the proper answer if i havent included EVERYTHING!
For example if someone says to me “Do you have a computer?”
I literally cannot say “Yes”
I have to say: “Well, i do have a laptop, but that was given to me by the dyslexia poeple and my uni, and it has a fault witht he screen at the moment, but it works ok.. and i still have a desl top in my flat, but i dont really use it anywmore. I also have access to my parents computer and my brothers lap top.. of which he now has two because he got one from college too because he needed one with voice regognition software on it. My boyfriend also has a lap top thati can use, but if i want to print stuff out on it then thats a problem because my printer isnt compatible with his lap top…” Theres so much more to say on the matter, but i wont ramble…
take care! Abi