I Have Come Up With A Great Alternative To Giving Up Blogging
September 12th, 2006
Seems like a lot of people have been blogging forever.
What comes with an accomplishment like “blogging forever” often comes with the result of “giving up blogging.” Look around out there, people, and you will see — next to getting botox shots in your forehead with a sharp needle or having fat sucked out of your midsection…giving up blogging seems to be the hottest fad of the Fall season.
But there’s a much better alternative to giving up blogging.
When the thought of having to blog everyday gets you down, or your personal and work life starts to overwhelm, the most obvious way to grab more time out of life is to give up blogging. People lose the “drive” and the “desire” and the “dedication” to crafting original new posts on a daily (or bi-weekly) basis and soon find themselves with very few solutions on the horizon. “What should I do?” these people normally ask me via my contact form. “Will people hate me for stopping blogging after all this time?”
Yes. They will.
Face facts, blogger-giver-upper — while most people will flood your comments section with inspiring and supportive responses like: “I will miss your site so much!” and “You were the best part of my morning each and every day!!” to “You’ll come back someday, I’m sure of it” and “I’m sad, but you have to live your life and be happy!”
The reality is, they are hating you in private.
That’s why I’ve come up with a great alternative to quitting blogging. It’s something I think can refresh your creative mind, give the readers something new on a daily basis, and keep you from having to break the wills and souls of those who depend on you, on a daily basis, to give their life meaning and allegorical support. This alternative to quitting is rooted in one very important concept:
The people that read your blog have zero long-term memory.
Sure, they can tell you what you wrote about yesterday — but can they really tell you what you wrote about six months ago? Eight months ago? A year and a half ago? No. They can’t. That’s why, my ultimate alternative to giving up blogging is to take posts that you already wrote, mention today’s date as often as you can, and reference current affairs and news stories currently hitting the papers in those same posts — and then sit back and enjoy what I like to call “Brand New Content That Will Fool The Masses And Make You A God Among The Human Race.”
Take a post I wrote in September of 2004 called “You May Think I Look Like Walter Cronkite, But You’re Way Off” and watch how it can be recycled for today:
—
You May Think I Look Like Walter Cronkite, But You’re Way Off
I woke up today on SEPTEMBER 24TH in the year 2006 (which is TODAY in case you were wondering) and I realized that you, being a thinking being in the year 2006 in the month of SEPTEMBER — you may think I look like Walter Cronkite, but you are way off buddy boy.
Sure, Walter’s eyes (which are right this minute looking down on us in and around this FIFTH ANNIVERSARY of the 9/11 ATTACKS which have been on TV lately in this month of SEPTEMBER 2006) and my eyes communicate somewhat of an all-knowing look (which totally knows it’s SEPTEMBER 12, 2006). Like you can see inside both Walter’s and my soul with one quick gaze. That by just maintaining eye contact while making small talk with me and Walter, you just feel this calmness wash over your body and all at once you realize (without knowing why) that your beliefs in Heaven and the Universe and God and that this whole SURI CRUISE/VANITY FAIR BABY PICTURE RIGAMAROLE were always right.
Sure, Walter and I have the same walk (even though I’m not walking as much since I sprained my ankle back on SEPTEMBER 2nd, 2006). That swaggering off-balance but ready-to-take-on-the-world type of walk (which would be the walk I’d be walking if I hadn’t been laid up for the last TEN DAYS here in SEPTEMBER 2006). The kind where Walter and I are always ready to reach out with our burly hands (yeah, both our hands look similar in their muscle-like way which totally makes sense since I just joined 24 HOUR FITNESS LAST WEEK ON SEPTEMBER 5TH, 2006) and grab yours and shake you so hard that you feel safe, at ease and painfully uncomfortable (like I totally felt when watching the SECOND TO LAST EPISODE OF BIG BROTHER ALL-STARS LAST WEEK) all at once while observing the way in which we walk and shake hands. You may marvel at how Walter and I both let one finger linger as we exit the handshake, letting you know that “we’ll always be there if you need us,” especially since people are reporting on the news lately that “people BEING THERE for others” is sort of a Fall 2006 fad that’s currently going on.
It’s true, Walter’s deep baratone-like announcer’s voice is similar to mine and JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE’S, on his BRAND-NEW ALBUM WHICH IS LESS IMPORTANT THAN THE FACT THAT HE’S STILL DATING CAMERON DIAZ if you can imagine that. In fact, if I were to leave a message on his machine (which is FULLY DIGITAL and no longer requires TAPES like most of those old-time answering machines) and he were to leave a message on my machine — no two people would be able to figure out who was who. I’d probably say, “And that’s the news,” and he might say “And that’s the way it is” but no matter what either of us are saying — that unmistakable voice (between the two of us) is mistakeable.
But do we look alike? I think not.
It’s the mannerisms and the personality and the potentially-bushy brows and the deep baratone voice and the swagger and the handshake and the soul that make you think that Walter Cronkite and I look somewhat alike. But really, seriously, honestly — we don’t. ESPECIALLY NOT HERE ON SEPTEMBER 12TH, 2006!!
Not that there’s anything wrong with Walter Cronkite.
—
This is a really good idea.
Ok, this post is a little weird. I thought about writing you an email last night, but I think a COMMENT FOR THE WORLD TO SEE is actually better.
I wanted to retire my weblog awhile back, but last night I decided that I just couldn’t do it. I felt like I would lose my connection to you and, you know, the creative process.
Did you hear me PAUL DAVIDSON? I’M STAYING.
Comment by Kathleen — September 12, 2006 @ 9:29 am
Kathleen - I am giddy with giddiness that you are staying. I hear you on today, SEPTEMBER 12th 2006.
Comment by Pauly D — September 12, 2006 @ 9:39 am
nifty! i think every blogger does go through the whole phase of, “I’m giving up this blog!”
Comment by Jade — September 12, 2006 @ 9:43 am
Aw hell, guess I’d better keep on keepin’ on…
Comment by kapgar — September 12, 2006 @ 10:07 am
i won’t give up. i won’t give up.
Comment by dgm — September 12, 2006 @ 10:41 am
If only I had known!
Comment by Rabbit — September 12, 2006 @ 10:55 am
i hate to see any of my regular reads give up their blogs, since i’ve started i’ve lost about a dozen. as for me giving up mine, i don’t follow fads, i’m going to continue my blog and can peaches instead.
Comment by better safe than sorry — September 12, 2006 @ 4:43 pm
Just what I’ve been looking for in the months ahead. Once again, you’ve done a great service for me, Pauly D, and I am indebted to you. Gratitude!
Comment by Will — September 12, 2006 @ 5:09 pm
I once wrote an entry fresh and posted it online. Not twenty minutes later I got my first comment which told me I had already written about the subject. I couldn’t remember it but did a search and, sure enough, I had written about it a ful year-and-a-half earlier.
Now I’ve gotten in the habit of doing a search on my topic of choice BEFORE I start writing because I’m totally paranoid.
Comment by Dave2 — September 12, 2006 @ 6:36 pm
I think it was the Weekly World News that used to just republish unchanged articles a couple of months later, I guess assuming that no one would notice.
Either that or Fidel Castro started building a secret escape-base on the moon with alien assistance twice in one year…
Comment by Pierce — September 13, 2006 @ 2:28 am
i think it’ll work better, aesthetically, without the all caps. it’s a bit hard to read and very spamesque
Comment by treespotter — September 13, 2006 @ 4:48 am
I wonder if this would work for my poetry.
Comment by Jill — September 13, 2006 @ 9:06 am
Dave: so you thought it essential to talk about it again, whatever it was. I mean, if bloggers aren’t allowed to visit certain issues more than once, than all of us will run out of issues eventually and be either blog-quiters, or write posts similiar to the above everyday and watch as your readership plummets.
Paul.
Comment by Janet — September 13, 2006 @ 9:14 am
i agree. people who quit are stupid quitting losers.
your idea is a good enough alternative. but i think people should instead just sell out and post pictures of their dogs wearing a different outfit every day.
now that’s entertainment, people.
Comment by Sarcomical — September 13, 2006 @ 1:12 pm
You know, this would have been much more helpful if you’d had the insight to post it *before* I gave up blogging on a Friday and came out of “retirement” two days later.
Comment by Jennifer — September 13, 2006 @ 4:48 pm
I love stepping into a pile of genius now and then. Thank you so much! I think I’ll try this when I get a few more months under my belt.
Comment by Donna Piranha — September 13, 2006 @ 6:47 pm
I have to admit, I have contimplated giving up blogging before and one of the many reasons has to do with time management. But you have opened my eyes this morning to the raw fact that it’s not blogging that is taking too much of my productive time, it’s other worthless activities such as cleaning my house, playing with my kids, paying the bills…. I could go on and on. I thank you Pauly D, for helping me see the way.
I would like to add that honestly, the only time I wouldn’t be lying about missing a blog, would be if you were to announce that you were ending yours. And the whole trick of reposting an old post would not work on me. When it comes to WFME, I somehow remember it all. Even the posts I haven’t read yet.
Love, your loyal
stalkerfan, Jaxie ZComment by Jacquie — September 14, 2006 @ 6:49 am