Words For Your Enjoyment: More Lost Words
September 8th, 2006
What has been lost can now be found.
With The Lost Blogs having been out for the last few months of the summer and with Words For Your Enjoyment happening today (Friday) — I thought, what better way to publicize both than to present one of the missing lost blogs of the book.
That’s why, today, I’ll be making public one of the twenty-five “lost blogs” available for FREE here on WFME. And what better way to start off such a promotional fete than to reveal one of the more obscure personalities?
You may or may not have heard of Lucy. Lucy was the name given to the first Australopithecus afarensis skeleton ever discovered by scientists. In layman’s terms — it was the earliest example of a being that walked on two legs. (I.e., a creature bridging the evolutionary gap between animals that walked on four legs and humans that walked on two.)
My skewed imagination, of course, went right to Lucy as a teenage outcast in a world of her fellow creatures walking around on four legs. You know there was a point where you had four leg walkers running around and some of the abnormal two-legged “more advanced” creatures walking around. But as we very well know — even if those bipedal two-legged walkers were more advanced…they probably felt like outcasts in their own right.
Now if only they had access to the Internet… Maybe things would have been different.
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From: http://www.bc.com/~lucy/
Subject: Lucy Walks On Two Legs!
Lucy not happy. Everywhere Lucy look, others look at Lucy. Lucy look at others then others not look at Lucy. Others low to ground, on hands and feet while Lucy walk on two legs! Lucy not included in games of sticks and rocks. Lucy try but no for Lucy.
Lucy’s head small. Lucy no have teeth like friends. Lucy wish she never come to live here in Ethiopia with family. Before, Lucy have friends who walk on two feet and have small head and small teeth in mouth. Now? Lucy is not liked by others. Lucy laughing stock of entire desert. Lucy write about laughter here. Lucy not happy.
Lucy try to walk on hands and feet and make head bigger by smashing with rock. It bleed but no more. Lucy’s parents say that others will like Lucy for who she is but still no one like Lucy. And now Lucy’s head hurts and is swollen but still is small. Lucy wish she never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever come to desert. Desert suck.
Lucy hope others with small head and on two legs read this place. Lucy hope that others see that small head and on two legs is good too. Lucy don’t like hanging in trees anyway. Trees dirty. Trees filled with bugs. Lucy like ground.
Lucy wonder if you have stood on two legs. Contact Lucy. Lucy wants to hear from you.
—
Plans to release all the “lost blogs” from The Lost Blogs is forthcoming. For the low price of $10 you’ll receive a chapbook including the 25 lost blogs, a signed picture of me typing at the computer, an Abe Lincoln mask with the eye holes cut out for you to use at parties and social engagements, a Mad Lib-esque page where you can learn how to write your own lost blogs without any educational background whatsoever, and a slice of muenster cheese, protected from the elements by a hybrid plastic-wrap, tin foil substitute.
If there’s a great deal of interest, such a chapbook could become a reality.
Lucy so depressed she keep eyes on ground when she walk on two legs.* Lucy look at feet all day. Lucy think toes are ugly. Lucy think maybe they like me if I make toe nails pretty with red berry juice.
*Tragically (and ironically), Lucy died from head injuries sustained from walking into low bearing tree limbs she didn’t look up at.
Comment by Jerry — September 8, 2006 @ 8:19 am
Lucy invented “My Space”! She was the first teen to coin the phrase: “All my friends are doing it!” (walking on all four appendages). And you can’t tell from her skeleton but she rolled her eyes day and night at her parents because: “they are SO lame!”
Comment by susan — September 8, 2006 @ 8:25 am
Oh sign me up! And I think I might be able to get my brother in law interested as he constantly grabs my copy of your book to read when he visits. I should just buy him one, shouldn’t I? But I’m cheap. And he doesn’t buy me jack. Does this make me a bad person?
Comment by kapgar — September 8, 2006 @ 9:24 am
Kapgar - Yes, that makes you a bad person. And I think my publisher would agree.
Comment by Pauly D — September 8, 2006 @ 9:30 am
Hi Paul, Recovering virtual stalker/lurker and dilettante comment dropper here . Excellent blog.
Listen, I’m not really all that savvy about this whole zany blog whatchamawhozits that all the kids have their underwear all bunched up about. You seem to be an astute and respected man of the virtual world. A man of virtual virtue. A blinding pixel of fairly rugged individualism, a hairy backed, back-handed taskmaster of much deserved intellectual lebensraum. A beacon of cold -clear—– reason in an otherwise desolate and brutal age….. so I want to thank you for that. Thanks!
I don’t know if this forum is held as sort of a private party among a few friends, or whether outsiders may comment, or if for public discourse of some form. But if it is permitted, I wanted to ask you at such an appropriate time -while you are actually on the very subject- but with all glibiositude aside…….. What IS one notable thing that you really do actually hate……….. about yourself? “cause I do feel the pain (anger) but I don’t understand what it is that you undoubtedly must be tryina signify.
Now THAT would be an interesting post.
Keep up the valiant vigil for the forces of personal indignation.
Sincerely, (Now, there is a word you don’t hear often)
Dan
Comment by Daniel — September 8, 2006 @ 10:10 am
Dan - First and foremost, this forum (as you put it) is not a private party at all. All are welcome. It may just seem that way sometimes as there are definite regulars who make their daily stops here.
As for what one notable thing that I actually hate about myself? Besides having a big head, small hands, a second toe that is longer than my main first big toe and the fact that I can’t keep songs out of my head and they plauge me throughout the day?
Probably that I can’t whistle like normal people by blowing out. I can only whistle inwards.
You should see the looks people give me when I try to whistle Dixie.
Hope that helps enlighten my personal inward hates.
Comment by Pauly D — September 8, 2006 @ 10:23 am
Pauly, I know I can’t put down my copy of your book. Granted, I’m not reading the book, but looking at the photo of you on the back cover wondering who does your hair.
Comment by Neil — September 8, 2006 @ 10:41 am
It’s nice work, if you can get it
Comment by Daniel — September 8, 2006 @ 10:42 am
so much for that party
Comment by Daniel — September 8, 2006 @ 11:06 am
Wow, if all those things are included that may be about the best $10 ever spent. Or maybe not. What do I know — I’m just a small-headed biped
Comment by James Cooper — September 8, 2006 @ 12:20 pm
I’d pay more than $10 for such a thing….except what if I’m lactose intolerant? Replace the cheese with strawberry Twizzlers and I’d pay up to $12!!!
I wonder if Lucy’s dad was Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer?
I love Fridays. (the day of the week, not the nickname for the casual chain restaurant where the staff wears a lot of flair)
Comment by cdub — September 8, 2006 @ 1:32 pm
Is everybody just pretending to know what a “chapbook” is… or am I uniquely ignorant because I had to Google it?
Comment by Dave2 — September 8, 2006 @ 2:36 pm