The Pillsbury Dough Boy Speaks Out On Poor Body Image
September 7th, 2006
From the press release, dated September 7th, 2006:
“Poor body image (or PBI, for short) plagues over 12% of the World’s population and contrary to popular belief affects almost 42% of men who have become unhappy with how their bodies look. As a well-known celebrity, I felt it was time to, hee hee, face the so-called heat of the situation and come clean about my own involvement in the cause. Surprisingly, I have always been squishy. I have always been pale and unhealthful looking. I have always been ridiculed about my ever-increasing and rising mid-section. But throughout it all I have, hee hee, kept my sense of humor intact.
PBI (or poor body image) is not a joke. It is something that I take very seriously, hee hee, and I’m looking for ways to create a support network for those afflicted with the psychological disease. When I say “psychological” I mean just that — people who dislike their bodies are most often the only people who pay attention to the invisible “problems” they see in the mirror. Hee hee.
But when psychological issues give way to public ridicule, then PBI can take a turn for the worse and scar individuals so badly that some will even consider suicide. Hee hee.
For as long as I can remember, people have been poking and prodding me, pointing out the less acceptable parts of my body and giving me a complex that I have been fighting against for decades. It was only through my desire to help others with the same affliction that I started to feel that the way I looked no longer mattered when it came to how I felt. Depression gave way to glee. Insecurity gave way to confidence. I was no longer living in the dark and isolated part of my brain that many have still yet to escape. Yes, their own personal prison and Hell. Hee hee hee.
That is why I am speaking out today and taking the steps to create an organization and support network for people who have nowhere else to turn. For people, holding onto life by the skin of their teeth. Hee hee.
I only hope I am not too late to help.”
Where and when will the support groups meet? Local supermarkets? Donut shops?
Comment by Keith — September 7, 2006 @ 8:54 am
Keith - The bakery section of your local market. At least, that’s what I assume.
Comment by Pauly D — September 7, 2006 @ 8:55 am
such eloquence! Even more amazing when you consider it is written by someone with no fingers. I would take him much more seriously if he weren’t so damn cute — HeeHee.
Comment by jerry — September 7, 2006 @ 8:58 am
Dear Mr. Doughboy,
At least they were poking and laughing at your BELLY and not some other part.
Love,
Chase
p.s. I wanna eat you up.
Comment by Chase — September 7, 2006 @ 10:12 am
Your bravery is inspiring. I too can no longer keep up my jolly facade. You know what I do between takes during the filming of my tire commercials?… I cry. I do a little cocaine too, but mostly I cry. “HaHa. The Michelin Man sells tires because he looks like a fat stack of tires that talks.” I know that’s what everyone is saying.
At least people poke you in the belly once in a while. No one has touched me in 30 years. You know why? Because I’m disgusting.
Comment by Michelin Man — September 7, 2006 @ 10:15 am
the pillsbury dough boy always makes me wish i had a bun in the oven.
Comment by dgm — September 7, 2006 @ 10:20 am
M.M. - Sometimes, and this is just my own personal opinion, but you may have been better off without all the fondling.
Hee hee.
Comment by Pillsbury D. Boy — September 7, 2006 @ 10:21 am
that’s a new way to illustrate “laughing on the outside, crying on the inside!”
Comment by C(h)ristine — September 7, 2006 @ 10:39 am
Mr. Doughboy, I applaud your efforts. You are a real giver, a tasty… I mean thoughtful individual. A hero really. May I suggest a name for your very important new support group? Total Open Body Awareness Kampaign Enlightenment Mission Enterprise. Or T.O.B.A.K.E.M.E.
Comment by susan — September 7, 2006 @ 11:31 am
Randy here… but you can call me Mr. Clean. Being a spokeperson is a tough gig, and you are clearly too much of a wimp to handle it. You don’t like how you look? Here’s and idea: EXERCISE!!! Stop eating buttery croissants and milky biscuits and have a freakin’ piece of fruit. Expand your food pyramid beyond the bread and grains group.
If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. But don’t step on the floors, I just cleaned them. And quit giggling like a little girl. If you act like a woman, I’ll treat you like one. Prison does strange things to a man.
Comment by Randy Clean — September 7, 2006 @ 11:38 am
The Pillsbury Dough Boy is hot.
Comment by Amy — September 7, 2006 @ 7:04 pm
Have you tried that stomach bypass surgery or whatever it’s called. It’s worked for a lot of celebrities. Maybe a couple of them will help you.
Comment by Jacquie — September 8, 2006 @ 5:21 am
PS… I don’t know what made me think of this, but I thought Star Jones Reynolds was going to be a main contributor to WFME. Is that still a go? If so, when will that start?
Thanks.
Comment by Jacquie — September 8, 2006 @ 5:23 am
You think you got problems? The frog was right - it’s not easy being green.
Sincerely,
The Jolly Green Giant
Comment by cinekat — September 8, 2006 @ 5:24 am
What a beginning to my day, my little croissant. (hee hee). The Pillsbury Doughboy is also the mascot for foods that cause weight gain and thus a poor body image. That smart cookie may have some relation to George Bush that we don’t know about.
Comment by Janet — September 8, 2006 @ 5:38 am
I happen to know that President Bush doesn’t giggle when you poke him in the stomach so there’s probably no connection.
Comment by Pierce — September 8, 2006 @ 6:38 am
For some reason I am craving crescent rolls now.
Comment by Peter — September 8, 2006 @ 7:57 am
btw, I always thought the Dough Boy liked being “poked.”
Comment by Jade — September 8, 2006 @ 10:45 pm