I’ve always had trouble with the logic of wearing sunglasses at night.
The phenomenon (or “phenom” for short) began in the mid-80’s when super one-hit wonderer, Corey Hart blasted onto the scene with his hit song Sunglasses at Night. It raced up the charts like a fireball, burning up the competition, and forever solidifying Hart’s place in history as a pop singing star who possessed the unique talent of writing songs that made no logical sense whatsoever.
And that’s why we’ll spend today picking apart the whole “sunglasses at night” phenom.
To begin with, we might as well break down the “logical reasons” that Corey Hart suggests wearing sunglasses at night and why he, the singer himself, wore them at night in the narrative of the song. Hart suggests that he wears those sunglasses at night so he can:
- Watch you weave then breathe your story lines
- Keep track of the visions in his eyes
- Forget his name while you collect your claim
- See the light that’s right before his eyes
- Cry to you
I don’t know about you — but he just ain’t selling me on the whole sunglasses at night thing.
First of all, I can watch you weave and breathe your story lines no matter if I’m wearing sunglasses. In fact, if I’m watching you weave and breathe your story lines on a laptop, at night, those sunglasses aren’t going to help me in being able to even read what you’re typing on screen. And if you’re writing them on a legal pad with a number two pencil – forget about it. Pencil lead is hard to see with sunglasses on.
As for keeping track of the visions in your eyes, I have to give it to Corey Hart on that one. For, if you’re blocking out the light and wearing sunglasses — you’ll be better able to concentrate on the pictures and visions you’re imagining are in your head and be able to turn inward to look at them. Although, it’s nighttime anyway, so do you really need the glasses to do that? I say, go to some dark room, close the shades and just keep track of the visions in your eyes that way. Now, if this song was about wearing sunglasses during the day, it would be a different story. Then, I could support Corey Hart suggesting that you wear sunglasses during the day so you could:
- Keep out the sun while I watch you type your storylines on a laptop computer in a really bright Starbucks coffee
- Keep track of the visions in your eyes and keep the sunlight from distracting you
But what about forgetting your name while collecting your claim? I don’t know about you, but just because I wear sunglasses I’m not going to forget my name when I go up to the bank teller in the last few minutes of the business day and ask them to cash my weekly paycheck. There’s no way. In fact, I might want to wear my sunglasses so they don’t see that egotistical look in my eyes as I pull in the cold hard cash.
As for seeing the light that’s right before my eyes — this seems to make sense to me. That’s the only way to look at the sun, or stare into a really bright marquee at night, by wearing sunglasses. Here, finally, the Hartster is finally making some sense. Course, if you forget your name and then find yourself staring at marquees and the police ask for your I.D. and you can’t even tell them who you are and you’re mumbling on and on about picking up your claim and then you start crying or something…
Say hello to the slammer, my friend.
Personally, if I was wearing sunglasses at night, I would suggest wearing them for a different (and more sane) list of reasons. I would wear sunglasses at night so I could:
- Look cool
- Lie, without people knowing I was lying
- Hide my bloodshot eyes, from the previous night of partying
- Keep my dates from seeing that I’m not really looking at them over a candlelit dinner
- Keep my pupils dilated for as long as possible, as part of my friend’s latest idiotic game, “Who Can Keep Their Pupils Dilated The Longest!?”
- Cry to you, without you knowing I was crying to you, in an attempt to seem emotional…but not that emotional.
These are just my personal thoughts, but I think you’ll all probably agree that Corey Hart has a long way to go when it comes to writing lyrics that make sense in a world such as ours.