Words For Her Enjoyment: Janet Returns

In early August, WFME reader Janet was evicted from the blog by her fellow commenters.

It was a stunning turn of events that proved that when you’re nice, you shy away from conflict and you generally make non-political comments…your evil fellow commenters will want to see you go.  Just for the hell of it.  And really, doesn’t that just give you huge faith in the human race as a whole?

I know it does for me.

So, without further adieu, I would like to welcome Janet back in the fold today — September 1st, 2006.  Janet participated in a one-on-one “return interview” and I’ll be posting her words later today.  In the meantime, prepare yourselves for the next surprising WFME stunt in which all commenters will be given the opportunity to nominate one of their fellow WFME readers and then the person with the most votes will be kidnapped, locked in a box without any clothes on, and shipped off to a third world country without their passport, a la The Game.

It’s going to be an amazing September, that’s for sure!

First, Janet shares with the WFME readers a haiku that communicates just how she felt about the eviction:
So was evicted from
The ultimate of babble
I already miss it.

Although she was evicted, however, she quietly found herself commenting on all the posts even though she couldn’t express such witty thoughts.  So here now, without further adieu:  her backlog of comments…

On “Today’s Wrong Number Transcript.”

Are you sure you weren’t shifting through some of Mel Brooke’s script rejects instead before writing this post?

On “Just Call Me The Freckle Lancer

Let me break down some science for you Paul: Freckles are results of the sun burns. Now if you reread that last sentence again, but cross out “sun,” it makes your theory of freckle removal downright silly.

On “Roseanna Arquette Won’t Buy Her Kids A Dog (sort of).”

Sounds like Roseanna’s kid isn’t the only one who is having problems with responsibility.

On “I Want To Do Ludicrous Things That You May Actually Want To Do As Well

Soul mates brother! Ten points if you hit the dumpy one on the curve wearing the Disneyland sweatshirt!

On “Today’s Brief Question About Why You Keep A Cigarette Behind Your Ear

I saw this very thing today and it amused me so, I actually took a picture of him.

On “Magazine Words On TV.”

In this case, I believe its “Cheap Bitch,” but I hate to come off as someone who gives a damn about television.

On “Since I Hate Attention Today’s Post Will Not Be About My Birthday.”

Not a lot of people know this, but I am actually terrified of care centers. They all smell like decaying perfume and bleach. Before entering such a place, I would disable the breaks on my wheelchair while overlooking the grand canyon.

And that sir, is the only way to go.

On “Today’s Stunning Supermarket Admission #329

You’d best not be standing next to me in the deli. I stole the “1” kiosk paper slip weeks ago.

On “An Open Letter To ‘Elbow Sandpaper Guy‘”

They best thing to do in this scenario is to slip the TV times for Queer Eye in his pocket, or bag, or hand as unobtrusively as possible and hope that he mends his ways.

On “Top Ten New Career  Choices As Inspired By Misspelled Spam E-mail Subject Lines.”

I believe that they actually offer a degree in oven building if you wander around the Amish circles in Oregon

On “WFME Helps Out The Ladies

While men everywhere are seething at your disregard for their manliness and revealing their inner child. I’ll be taking my next date to Disneyland. I’ll invite you to the wedding.

On “A Brief Excerpt From My New Play ‘Green Tea Is Good For You’

Encore! Could you perhaps get a cameraman, a director and two actors real fast and film this short for us? This is Sundance Worthy chum.

On “WFME’s Male Centric You Decide: A Painless Nail In The Head Or A Weekly Pedicure

You’ll notice also that women deal with high heels, under wire bras, waxing and childbirth. We thrive on pain silly. Try it one more time. It is amazing.

On “I’m Here For You Fellow Blackberriers.”

Just when I thought I had you figured out. Under another circumstance, I would be willing to bet that you would post something making fun of people obsessed with interactive planners.

On “Words For My Enjoyment: The Ambassador’s Club.”

Do evicted commenters have a chance at all with this?

On Rejected Alternate Taglines From The ‘What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas’ Tourism Ad Campaign.”

Please, Vegas, stay to yourself you ho.

On “Automobile SOS Buttons Are The New Crank Call.”

I bet, really, the people at Onstar look forward to your calls.

On “An Emmy Story

Natalie Portman wears deoderant though, but I suppose she wasn’t there. For your information, her preference is Dove Sensitive Skin and also takes an interest in the Burt’s Bees line of lip gloss. I asked her if she wanted paper or plastic, but forgot to tell her that our candy on aisle three was 25% off. As I watched her tiny, retreating frame however, I felt that she wouldn’t have cared.

On “Ten Movies Whose Plot lines Would Change Simply By Adding The Word Cheese To Their Titles.”

How about “The Fast and The Furious Cheese?” or, “Cheese Miracle on 34th St.?”

On “This Entire Blog Is A Joke

Paul, its no secret that artists in Hollywood can be bought out with next to nothing. And after knowing that, do the next couple of days really deserve a comment from me??

With that, there is no more to say as Janet has said it all.

Now we’ll see if such a horrific experience has soured her from being a part of the community here at WFME.  I say nay.

Maybe she will too.

9 comments on “Words For Her Enjoyment: Janet Returns

  1. Mark K - September 1, 2006 at 10:52 am -

    I’m not sure how you’re gonna pull that one off, Pauly- I mean, isn’t this whole comment thing, like, anonymous??

  2. Dave2 - September 1, 2006 at 12:30 pm -

    If we are voted out, do we have to fly to L.A. in order to be locked in a box and shipped out? Or do you come to us?

  3. Pauly D - September 1, 2006 at 12:38 pm -

    Dave – We come to you, and it’s sort of like a surprise.

  4. Janet - September 1, 2006 at 3:44 pm -

    Look! Look! 4th comment!

  5. jacquie - September 1, 2006 at 7:30 pm -

    it sounds like all you really need is Janet. Maybe we should all just go comment somewhere else.

  6. Pauly D - September 1, 2006 at 8:33 pm -

    Jacquie – God no. I need you ALL.

  7. Jacquie - September 2, 2006 at 4:35 am -

    good, i was hoping you would say that.

  8. jenny - September 2, 2006 at 3:40 pm -

    If you keep evicting commenters, maybe at some point you could host an All-Star WFME episode, where the most popular previously evicted commenters get to comment. And then the rest of us could comment on their comments.

  9. James Cooper - September 5, 2006 at 10:50 am -

    A belated welcome back to Janet. Now, as for this box — would it have holes punched in it, would there be food and water in it, and would we be airmailed or transported by sea?

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