Rejected Alternate Taglines From The ‘What Happens In Vegas Stays In Vegas’ Tourism Ad Campaign

  • “It May Have Happened, But We Don’t Know What You’re Talking About.”
  • “We’ll Plead The Fifth!”
  • “You Know What They Say About The Past…And Not Wanting To Repeat It If You Remeber It Or Something? Yeah. So Let’s Just Forget About What Happened.”
  • “We’ve Never Seen You Before In Our Entire Life. We Swear.”
  • “Oh Hey, Look Over Here. Do You See This Shiny Locket? Yeah, Just Keep Concentrating On That.”
  • “I Think We Just Threw Up In Your Mouth. Las Vegas!”
  • “Hey, We Got You Some Jewelry.”
  • “You Know What? Forget It. If You Can’t Trust Us, We Don’t Even Want To Look At You.”
  • “Potato, Potahto.”
  • “It’s Not About What You Did While You Were There… It’s About Who You Did.”

Words For Your Enjoyment: The Ambassador’s Club

My in-box has been inundated as of late.

Readers of WFME picked up on a mention of the WFME’s Ambassador Club a few weeks ago and have been wondering how to get into it, what the requirements are, in what countries such Ambassadorian features are available and generally what the entire kit-and-kaboodle contains.

It’s been a long time coming, but I’ve decided that today is the best day to finally reveal the true details of the most groundbreaking blog club to ever come along.

Now that you’ve clicked into the rest of this post, let’s be honest with each other. Didn’t I make the Ambassador’s Club sound truly amazing? I must have, because it made you want to read more. And that, my friends, is just what getting into the Ambassador’s Club is all about: panache.

I’m Here For You, Fellow Blackberriers

What makes people feel connected?

For some, it’s a familial connection. For others, a shared experience. Others feel connected by those who share similar religious values, grew up in similar towns, or even wear the same kind of clothes or styles. And then there are others who feel connections based on the jobs they have, the places they work or the people they know.

Sadly for me, I’m abnormally connected to people who have a Blackberry device.

If you don’t know what a Blackberry is, you’ve been living under a rock that has no Wi-Fi. It’s a phone and it’s a personal organizer that retrieves your e-mail and allows you to text message people and which has games and allows you to surf the web and so on and so on. There’s even support groups for people who are addicted to using these Crackberries too much, too often.

WFME’s Male-Centric You Decide: A Painless Nail In The Head or A Weekly Pedicure?

Today’s decision is almost a non-issue.

And when I say that today’s decision is almost a non-issue, it means that there’s really no question whatsoever as to which choice most of the male WFME readers will choose. Faced with having a nail painlessly lodged into our heads (and a really cool story to tell) or having to face the humiliation of getting a pedicure on a weekly basis…well…

We men know which one to choose.

I will come straight out and tell you that I had a horrific pedicure experience recently. I was blindly forced into this “right of passage” by being convinced that it would be the most amazing experience I would have ever had. There would be massages given to me by women, who would be fawning all over me, rubbing oils and creams over my body parts. Shoulder massages, neck rubs and attention the likes of which I had never had before.

A Brief Excerpt From My New Play, ‘Green Tea Is Good For You’

[Curtain opens.]

[MAN and WOMAN stand over a stove. She boils water while he stares intently.]

Man: “What are you doing?”
Woman: “Oh, just boiling water.”
Man: “Boiling water for what?”
Woman: “I’m making tea.”
Man: “Tea? Really. What kind of tea?”
Woman: “Green tea.”
Man: “Oh wow, green tea.”
Woman: “Yeah, they say it’s good for you.”
Man: “Who is ‘they’?”
Woman: “Doctors. Chinese herbalists. My trainer.”
Man: “Good for you…how?”
Woman: “Speeds up your metabolism. Good for a healthy heart.”
Man: “Green tea.”
Woman: “Yeah. It can also cure bad cases of acne and arthritis.”
Man: “Wow.”
Woman: “And lower your cholesterol.”
Man: “Green tea?”
Woman: “Yeah. And it’s great for your reflexes.”
Man: “Hmm.”
Woman: “Oh, and if you’ve ever had migraines or isolated seizures, green tea helps with that too.”

[MAN picks up the box of tea, examines the contents.]

Man: “Green tea?”
Woman: “Yes. Green tea.”

[MAN grabs WOMAN, kisses her passionately.]

[Curtain close.]