An Emmy Story (Or, Paula Abdul’s Assistant Needs Deodorant)

I attended the wonderful Emmy Awards last night at the Shrine Auditorium.

It was a gala event filled with glorious celebrities with wonderful dresses and sparkling smiles… It was a room packed with the excitement of a thousand nights, celebrating all that is Television in the most classy way possible. Everywhere you looked there were stars mingling with the “regular folk” — going against the grain and proving to most that they are genuine, down-to-earth, and normal human beings just like the rest of us.

Oh, and Paula Abdul‘s assistant needs to start using deodorant.

But the fact that the American Idol‘s assistant (or right-hand person) showed up to the Emmy’s without any roll-on wasn’t the most stunning realization of the night. Mind you, it might have been the one instance that affected more people per capita than most… But we here at WFME like to think that the adorably beautiful Ms. Abdul and her adorably attractive assistant (in the striped black and white form fitting dress) had more important things on their minds yesterday afternoon when they left Ms. Abdul’s palatial Hollywood Hills estate — and just simply skipped over the Lady Speed Stick and picked up the jewelry instead.

And while I half debated pulling her aside and reminding her that although some deodorants can irritate your skin (which I could only assume was the reason behind the decision to avoid it on this particular occasion) — there are non-abrasive deodorants that one can use as well. There’s like this rock-crystal kind of thing (and yes, it looks like a real rock) that you can rub under your arms instead. But the fleeting moment of interaction was too quick to intervene, as there was more going on at the Emmy’s last night than just my orbitofrontal cortex’s reactions.

See…at the Emmy’s, it’s what you see in the lobby that’s more interesting than what’s on TV.

While the show was being broadcast, most of the attendees and the celebrities themselves mingled in the lobby where drinks were being served. Some, like late night’s Craig Fergeson, sat quietly in a corner with his date and elderly mother — whom he had requested a wheelchair for. Seemingly, all that walking around had fatigued her enough to need it. But honestly, it was nice to see Fergeson ignoring the Hollywood hullabaloo in lieu of the most important people in his own world.

But speaking of the most important people in their own world — Jon Voight spent a good twenty minutes hovering outside of the men’s bathroom (white scarf in tow) seemingly practicing some kind of internal monologue that he would never need. He paced back and forth, ignoring all the passerbys who were obviously taken by his dramatic post-Bathroom internal monologue… At least, the ones not clamoring for a picture with The Partridge Family‘s Danny Bonaduce, also post-bathroom hand wash.

Oh sure, there were other stars acting “just like you and me” over the course of the night. From AliasVictor Garber standing alone trying to find his seat to Kyle MacLachlan wandering aimlessly by himself. There was The West Wing‘s Mary McCormack sporting brand-new pumped up botoxed-lips and Grey’s Anatomy‘s Isaiah Washington having a drink with show creator Shandra Rhimes. Standing in line for a drink found some (i.e. me) hanging with The Office UK‘s creators Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant.

But above all, it was Paula Abdul’s assistant that really had the most impact on my night.

I remember back to the time I lived with a roommate who had a similar problem — the no deodorant debacle, as we used to call it. And no one said a think to said roommate over the years, simply talking behind their back and expressing their disgust. But along the way did anyone ever say a thing? No. Did anyone ever pull said roomate aside and give them the 411? No way. That is, until I did — and I was met with the most appreciative response ever.

So today, as I write about stars and celebrities, I am more concerned with getting the word to Ms. Abdul’s attache — who I hope will approach my observation more as an intervention than an expose. As more of a helpful bit of advice instead of a helpful bit of satire.

Because if I can help one person today, it would have to be her.

And that, my friends, is today’s Emmy story.

In other news, as if the real Jon Cryer commenting on this blog wasn’t enough… Last night, 80’s teen star Corey Haim commented as well on the time I saw him eating heavy carbs at the Soup Plantation.

Check it out, and go back for seconds. I promise I won’t tell.

23 comments on “An Emmy Story (Or, Paula Abdul’s Assistant Needs Deodorant)

  1. dgm - August 28, 2006 at 8:24 am -

    pauly, you are changing the world, one armpit at a time. thank you.

  2. Kevin - August 28, 2006 at 8:25 am -

    She might have been too busy fetching cocktails for Paula to worry about her own personal hygeine.

  3. Pauly D - August 28, 2006 at 8:26 am -

    dgm – I do what I have to do to make the world a less pungent place.

  4. Keith - August 28, 2006 at 9:01 am -

    Jon Voight is, in the words of someone who has seen and dealt with him more often than me, “batshit crazy.” It doesn’t surprise me that he was talking to himself for 20 minutes.

  5. jerry - August 28, 2006 at 9:12 am -

    Perhaps the lack of deodorant was a religious thing, Pauly. Not inferring you are either ignorant or intolerant of others’ religious practices but much like Tom Cruise’s religious objection to meds for post-partem depression, maybe the assistant’s faith tradition views artifical products to enhance one’s odor to be a dececration of the body. Smelling good to yourself is the first step to vanity. Smelling good to others makes you attractive to others which leads to coveting and lust. In an abstract way not using deodorant is much like a Bhurka.

  6. Hilary - August 28, 2006 at 9:19 am -

    Maybe her deoderant wore off and she needed a refresher. It could happen.

  7. Dave2 - August 28, 2006 at 10:04 am -

    I think it is more likely that Paula forbade her from wearing any. I know somebody who was an assistant to a Hollywood producer for many years and some of the stories I heard are beyond unbelievable, so this wouldn’t shock me at all.

  8. stunned - August 28, 2006 at 11:14 am -

    I stumbled upon this blog today for the first time. I missed the Emmy’s last night and I was looking for updates, etc. I don’t know what to make of your blog….and you probably don’t care what I think. But, dang, what you have just posted seems incredibly mean. I don’t know Paula and I don’t know her assistant, but I bet this woman works hard for her job. And I doubt it is anything close to a dream job, but rather just a stepping stone. And now you have publicly humiliated someone who isn’t even a public figure. She has no fans to love her regardless. She just has a bunch of people who have no idea who she is, and now thinks she has a B.O. problem because of one night and your rediculous roomate. You should have mentioned your old roomate’s name…I mean, as long as you are out to humiliate the innocent and all. Congratualtions, you must be very proud of your blog.

  9. Peter - August 28, 2006 at 11:46 am -

    Jon Voight AND Bonaduce in the crapper at the same time. If stalls could talk.

  10. James Cooper - August 28, 2006 at 12:24 pm -

    I’m going to have to imagine a vlog of these transpired events and your reactions to the pungent pits of Paula’s people.

  11. Jeff - August 28, 2006 at 2:01 pm -

    Hmm, somehow I don’t see “stunned” looking for membership in your Ambassador’s club.

  12. Pauly D - August 28, 2006 at 2:01 pm -

    Dear Stunned – I am just saying what everyone else was thinking. Actually, I’m just typing what everyone else was saying. Wait, scratch that. I am just thinking out loud about what everyone else was thinking out loud then saying out loud. Oh screw it. I’m horrible. I apologize.

    Jeff – Well, twenty-four more comments like that (while using my first name) and “Stunned” is on her way to the title of “Ambassador’s Club Player Of The Smallest Violin Ever.”

  13. jerry - August 28, 2006 at 2:08 pm -

    Looks like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays. Since Stunned has never been here before, he/she may need a group hug – provided everyone is properly deodorized. Pauly is there a special section in your ambassador’s club for long-winded, sometimes-not-related-to-the-topic, blog responders like myself?

  14. Pauly D - August 28, 2006 at 2:10 pm -

    Jerry – Here at WFME we welcome EVERYONE (even the people with horrific things to say) just as long as they provide their official e-mail address so everyone can write them back.

    As for long-winded responders, we pride ourselves on it.

  15. Kathleen - August 28, 2006 at 2:24 pm -

    Craig Ferguson had a date? dang it. He’s so cute in a “way older than me kinda” way.

  16. The Centaur - August 28, 2006 at 2:43 pm -

    And sadly, you know Paula wouldn’t clue her in… she’s too “nice”. It always has to be up to Simon to tell people they stink.

  17. Jessica - August 29, 2006 at 6:18 am -

    ACK…..Paul – do you KNOW how much I adore Ricky Gervais?! I have a fairly significant crush on him – regardless of his soft middle and bad British teeth, I’d take him – even without deodorant.

  18. ms. sizzle - August 29, 2006 at 7:52 am -

    you paula totally sees that her assistant is a pit stain stinker but instead of pointing it out she’ll say: “you look really pretty tonight.”

    whenever she wants to say something negative, she always goes for the compliment on the looks.

    maybe you should send her some Dry Idea in the mail, paul?

  19. Julia Farley - August 29, 2006 at 11:53 am -

    Paula and her assistant were probably running late because they were doing watermelon body shots and line of coke off the back seat of the limo. See, all that nose candy makes it hard to know when you reek.

    I woulda paid nice greenbacks to see Jon Voigt running about in a senile fit of murmer and spastic scarf waving.

    Pauly, (that’s 2) you are just so gosh darned lucky to be going to posh events to hang out with the wiffy, the insane and the overpaid.

    As for Jon, well, he rocks my world. I would give him my iPod if he wanted it. Wrapped in my panties, of course.

    Heh.

  20. Carly - August 29, 2006 at 6:07 pm -

    Though I’m mildly disappointed you didn’t have some sort of run-in with The Piv, being commented by two 80s icons makes up for it. I have never wated to be you more than right now… and the moment has passed, because I’ve spent far too much money on thongs to become a man.

  21. Jacquie - August 29, 2006 at 6:56 pm -

    Who is this “we” that you keep referring to over there at WFME?? As far as most of us know, WFME is made up of Paul Davidson, and Paul Davidson only. Are we, your loyal readers, part of this collective “we” that you speak of?

  22. jacquie - August 29, 2006 at 7:06 pm -

    You forgot to mention the fact that John Davidson, Michael Jackson, and Rick Shroeder have all commented on your blog as well. What, are they just chopped liver?

  23. gigi - August 29, 2006 at 10:07 pm -

    That was really a neat observation about Craig Ferguson. I’m impressed and somewhat turned on by a guy who ditches the Hollywood scene for his mom’s comfort. Sure beats Jon V. and the potty rant.

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