WFME Helps Out The Ladies
August 21st, 2006
There seems to be a growing problem out there in dating-land.
Everywhere you look there are single women second-guessing themselves. Reading books and magazines to try and help them land that dream guy they’ve always been looking for. Trying exercise, special creams and candles that smell like a hybrid of coconut and flower petals. And don’t even get me started on the how-to books and “the rules.”
That’s why, for one day only, WFME will help out the ladies.
There’s an oft-forgotten secret of male & female relations when it comes to dating that we here at WFME would like to remind you of. It’s not about flowers or waiting three days to call someone or driving a nice car or having a particular job or wielding power in a corporate environment or even being the ruler of a small country with a large army.
It’s about annoying someone.
Ladies, if you can successfully taunt and annoy a member of the opposite sex in new and exciting ways that has nothing to do with phone calls, hand-written letters, picture frames, text messages or frequently unannounced stop-bys, you will find out soon enough that the guy you’re “trying to land” will soon be yours until the end of time. If you can taunt them sufficiently and often.
Here’s a great example: Jeannie met Frank at a work party. She really felt like they hit it off. Frank even asked her for her phone number. But whereas normal women in this normal situation would simply hand off their number and then hope for a call and then wait for the phone call day after day after day — Jeannie did something much different. She refused. He continued to ask her for her number throughout the night. Eventually, Jeannie said that if he would walk her to her car, she might consider it. Frank did so. And then, when Frank asked for her number one last time, there in the parking lot, Jeannie did something he didn’t expect. She clocked him, knocked him out, and then left her number on his lifeless and unconscious body.
He called her the next day.
Think back to the times you were in elementary school. When you liked someone what did you do? You hit them, you tripped them, you pasted signs on their backs, shoved their head into the woodchips in the playground area, you shouted names at them, pulled their hair, shoved crap in their locker and periodically even slashed their tires (maybe this was just me). No matter — at every turn you didn’t try to impress them or get them to love you, you did what any non-sensical person in love would do…
You annoyed them.
And subconsciously, how do humans react to someone who is going out of their way to cause them frustration and constant annoyance? They have to figure out why. They indirectly end up spending even more time thinking about them. Before long it is ALL about this other person, trying to get them to act towards them with respect and love, and this often translates into a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP.
If you want love, you don’t give love.
That’s because when you shower someone with love, they’re already getting the love and the signal that you love them so why do they even need to put any effort into spending time with you. You’re a sure thing that loves them. But if you’re constantly doing things that are the opposite of love or like or “affection” — the subject of such attention will immediately spend all their time trying to turn you around and find out exactly why you’re acting this way.
Perfect example? The Middle East. If Hezbollah constantly sent Israel a love letter, there wouldn’t be any fighting or violence. But what happens when they “annoy” Israel with a constant barrage of rockets? Israel turns around and pays them attention, moves into their neighborhood in an attempt to figure out their deal, and eventually finds a way for the two of them to be able to spend time together without the violence (i.e. cease fire or love).
So ladies… The next time you meet a guy you like, stop it with the flirting and the arm touching and the “oh, I love going rollerblading on the beach, too!” stuff. Stop it with the constant witty e-mails and text messages and coincidental run-ins in public places.
Just annoy the hell out of them.
And watch them come running to you.
Paul, you are so correct. When I first met my wife at a crowded frat house party, I coyly offered to take her back to my apartment where we could talk in a quiet place. She refused the invite but asked if I could take her outside for fresh air. Once out there, she tazored me. Sent me to the ground in an electric shock induced convulsion. When I came to, we were at her place. I have been chained to her side ever since. Ah, love.
Comment by Jerry — August 21, 2006 @ 8:28 am
Yeah, it all started with an apple and a snake I think…
That said, as a single person, I will take this post to heart, as the past attempts at being kind and loving resulted in my being booted to the curb, once for being over-attached, once for being under-attached.
I will sort through my mercenary magazines for just the right implements, in true Vogue fashion. Perhaps Verizon, noting your post, will come out with a new Tazor/Phaser and Mace-em cellphone for all of us to use next time we go trolling in bars.
Oh, True Love, you are but a left-hook away. How I long for thee…
Comment by Julia Farley — August 21, 2006 @ 8:39 am
May I offer a counter viewpoint: Women, many guys don’t like being punched, Tasered, whipped or otherwise snubbed. We may be morons, but we passed that playground love phase many years ago.
Comment by Keith — August 21, 2006 @ 9:08 am
Actually, this seems to be true. Translated, no one wants to be with someone who seems too needy. That is a total turn off. So if you’re like “YES!! Call me! Take me out!!” it can make the asker think “Good gosh…why is this seemingly awesome person so desperate to date me?” And then the wondering/doubting/talking oneself out of begins…
So it’s better to come across as though you have a life. Actually, it’s better not to just come off that way, but to actually HAVE a life. Dating/romance/marriage should be the gravy on the potatoes, not the whole freakin’ entree.
Comment by Flower Girl — August 21, 2006 @ 9:37 am
I’ll have to remember to hone my punching skills the next time I’m on a date with a guy I like. Thanks for the uh, valuable information Pauly.
Comment by Hilary — August 21, 2006 @ 10:16 am
One thing you left out…
Ladies, once you actually land your man, you can cease annoying him. Many women forget this part…
Comment by The Centaur — August 21, 2006 @ 10:32 am
I have to agree. I think it is the inate idea of the hunt that never quite goes away, but it is what it is.
I know I have declined to date, hung up on and a myriad of other things that would make any sane person stay away and yet my last boyfriend will not leave me alone……
If it weren’t for the fact that he is insane, I would think wedding bells may be in the future…..LOL
Comment by cutiepie — August 21, 2006 @ 10:35 am
I don’t think today’s post is going to make my life any easier.
Comment by Mark K — August 21, 2006 @ 10:41 am
Good advice. I’m patiently awaiting your “advice to the gay man” column. I do have a good right hook.
Comment by purpletwinkie — August 21, 2006 @ 12:01 pm
Damn You Davidson!
Quit giving away my secrets!
Comment by Kathleen — August 21, 2006 @ 12:48 pm
Women like “bad boy” types which is simply the reverse of your theory. Keith, you are more evolved than most men. I don’t employ or condone the violence of tazering, punching etc. but some subtle teasing, provoking, contrariness, mocking and riling has worked well for me!
Comment by susan — August 21, 2006 @ 1:15 pm
Does it work both ways? If a guy wants a girl, does he annoy her to death?
Comment by Anne — August 21, 2006 @ 3:23 pm
Pauly - you would help out the ladies even more if
http://singlejuice.com/
starts up!
Bring the juice!
Comment by monkeyinabox — August 21, 2006 @ 5:04 pm
God, I could have told everyone this one! The long pointy stick I carry with me serves to not only annoy the object of my affection, but to hurt him. Double friggin’ whammy.
Comment by sandra — August 21, 2006 @ 9:13 pm
Paul, those are all good, but i second Keith, please, no violence. No sharp objects or third party instruments.
and Flower Girl, sometimes, things so far beyond repair, they think you DON’T have a life. Then things get really complicated.
The whole theory only works if both parties realize that there’s a point to stop. You know, to make peace, there’s gotta be someone on the other side. If Israel nuked Beirut, then there’ll be nothing to make peace with.
Except if she is a necro or something. i don’t do that stuff.
Comment by treespotter — August 22, 2006 @ 1:04 am
…and you know about the Ladies too! Wow..lol.
Comment by thoughtsgalore — August 22, 2006 @ 6:10 am
True, dat.
*snif
Comment by the psycho therapist — August 22, 2006 @ 4:13 pm
The 3 day rule.. Hate it! Not much flirting on this end, due to the fact i’m no good at it. I was asked for my number over the weekend after only 15mins of witty exchanges, i told i’ll give him my number at the end of the night if we still liked each other - coincidently like your ‘i like roller blading’ coment we bonded over fencing! (and alcohol)
I’ll remember to annoy the boys a little more, you know, hair pulling and spanking *blush*
(came from Nick)
Comment by Natalie — August 22, 2006 @ 6:13 pm
You, my friend, are sorta like the good guy’s guide to “The way life oughta be” — AKA “The Jewish guy’s guide to landing a smokin’ hot wife”. If i remember correctly, i introduced you to your wife the moment our sushi bill was served. She took 20 bucks off you asap, then the rest was history. She called you first (on a monday after a hot saturday night dance party… she may have even called you twice. I remember thinking my friend should “play it cooler” — but she dug your chilli! And hot spicy chilli is what she got!)
Now she’s got your bun in the oven. Love it!!! Can’t wait for little baby Amy to be born! (just a subtle name suggestion ; ) )
Keep up the relationship advice — there are a lot of us singletons out there ;).
xo.
a
Comment by Amy — September 24, 2006 @ 2:39 am