Since I Hate Attention Today’s Post Will Not Be About My Birthday
August 17th, 2006
You’re breathing a sigh of relief, aren’t you?
Because while most people on their birthday with access to the eyes and minds of a bajillion Internet readers might post pictures of them when they were born, provide links to Amazon.com wish lists, tell stories of birthday parties in the past and presents that made them giddy and even proclaim in a booming voice that “today I am all that matters”…
…since I hate attention, today’s post will not be about my birthday.
I would like to, instead, focus today’s post on something that is the complete opposite of talking about my birthday — which is, talking about a moment that (in my future years) will be an even more momentous and exciting moment than a birthday. A moment that will cause each and every bone and muscle in my body to contract in excitement and in anticipation of a very emotionally-satisfying moment.
The dinner bell moment. When I’m living in a convalescent home.
I can only hope that when it’s time for me to be put in a convalescent home that it’s the very last moment possible. Whatever kids I have (and if you’re reading this in the year 2063 and debating about whether or not to put me in a convalescent home please read this fully and take all points into consideration) should only put me in one of those homes if they just can’t afford to do anything else. But seriously, if I’m still alive in 2063 I’ll probably be really old and gearing up to leaving this world behind, so why the hell can’t you just let me stay in the garage or the guest room until I’m over and done with? Hmm? Something to think about.
Nonetheless, if I’m shoved off into a convalescent home, dinnertime is pretty much going to be the most exciting moment of every day.
From what I’m hearing these days, people in convalescent homes get at least three square meals a day with some snack times thrown throughout the day. And when it’s time for these meals to get served up to people there’s always this really nice, calming musical cue that gets played through speakers. Now, I can’t really request a particular music cue, but would that really matter? Because next to playing Gin Rummy and watching that cocoon outside the window, I am going to be all about the food.
Then again, maybe if I had some friends in that dank dark place I wouldn’t be so obsessed with food all the time. And if I wasn’t so obsessed with each and every meal in that place, I might not die as soon since I’d be getting exercise with my buddies out on the lawn. But noooooo, since all my friends will have most likely passed on at that point, I’m going to have to obsess over the food and maybe the music and probably the TV and leave it at that.
Which is really depressing to think about.
Which gives me even more reason to not make today’s post about my birthday.
Happy birthday, my brother…
Comment by Flower Girl — August 17, 2006 @ 8:47 am
Happy birthday!
Comment by Hilary — August 17, 2006 @ 9:00 am
I was expecting the title to be “Birthday Words,” but this was way better. Have a great day! Let the countdown to the convalescent home begin…
Comment by annabel lee — August 17, 2006 @ 9:06 am
Since you don’t want attention, I won’t say it.
Won’t happen. Sorry. Those words will not come from my lips.
So I guess it’s unfortunate for you that I’m typing instead of talking… Happy birthday.
Comment by Kevin — August 17, 2006 @ 9:17 am
Perhaps you should institute use of a food bell in the Davidson home? Then you’d have a little something more to look forward to each day. You’d be sitting there, tapping away at that keyboard, not writing about your birthday, and then – DING! DING! DING!
See? You’re already getting a little turned on.
Comment by Karl — August 17, 2006 @ 9:24 am
Happy birthday!
Comment by Nanette — August 17, 2006 @ 9:27 am
(cues up the Hallelujah music)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YOU!
YOU!
YOU!
ARE THE GREATEST!!!!!!!
Comment by Kathleen — August 17, 2006 @ 9:30 am
Ah ha! I knew there was something I liked about you! We’re both Leos! But in the birthday spirit, I’ll put my claws away and wish you a fabulous Birthday dear Luap. I hope its a good one!
Hugs
Coco
Comment by Coco — August 17, 2006 @ 9:39 am
If you want to avoid being placed in a home by your children, just assume a role that is less burdensome-old-man and more don’t-even-think-about-undermining-my-authority. For instance, a rich benefactor, mafia boss, or grandbaby-sitter. They will fear the consequences of placing you in a home, although you may have to dodge hitmen.
Comment by Rae Rae — August 17, 2006 @ 9:44 am
Happy birthday, Paul! My comment today will not be about how my birthday is eight days after yours. Because today, it is all about you. Whether you like it or not.
Comment by Nicole — August 17, 2006 @ 10:30 am
came across your blog and turns out its your birthday so…happy birthday, and have a great day buddy!:)
Comment by in2deep — August 17, 2006 @ 11:38 am
oh, bugger off, now everybody will wish you happy birthday instead and not me!!! what cheap shot!
It’s my birthday too people!! Me!! Me!!!
well, it’s tomorrow, but…
Me!! Me!! Me!!! Meeeee!!!
Comment by treespotter — August 17, 2006 @ 11:46 am
Happy birthday!
And when you’re residing in a convalescent home, bring a deck of cards. I’ve seen senior citizens entertained for hours just by playing bridge, although I have no clue how that bloody game works.
Comment by Calico Jack — August 17, 2006 @ 11:50 am
hey, i have a birthday, too (only mine isn’t for a few months).
since you “hate attention,” let me just say that i hope august 17 turns out to be a very attention-deflecting day. in fact, i wish you a life lacking in attention–lots of it!
Comment by dgm — August 17, 2006 @ 12:39 pm
YOU don’t like attention? Ohh… so the blog and the books are all about…uh, what are they for? Your mother remembers your birthday, so instead of attention for you, how about some for her? Go Paul’s MOM!! or anyone who gave birth in AUGUST!!! (me)
Comment by susan — August 17, 2006 @ 12:40 pm
Happy Birthday to the man who will be one of the sexiest oldies in a wheelchair, cruising the halls, and scamming for all the food events at the Leisure World of his choice. LOL.
Listen…food isn’t the only thing going on there! The ladies get the beauty school girls on tuesdays and wednesdays to come out for the hair. The arts and crafts rooms are great hook up spots for the wild in wheelchair crowd. Oh and let’s not forget they have Valentine’s Day Kings and Queens. LOL…yes my Grandma won 3 years in a row, so I know this to be true. However, when all was said and done, you are right. It was the food. The chairs on full speed for the cafeteria. Don’t forget there’s assigned seating, too. LOL.
Happy Birthday.
Comment by thoughtsgalore — August 17, 2006 @ 1:06 pm
And you smell like one, too! (Ha! Classic.) Anyway, hope your birthday is relentlessly joyous and wonderful.
Comment by Will — August 17, 2006 @ 4:13 pm
H B to u
H B to u
…you look like a monkey,
and you act like one too!
hee hee!
Comment by Neil — August 17, 2006 @ 4:52 pm
Thanks, everybody!
I appreciate all the well wishes.
Now I’m going to go get some botox.
Comment by Pauly D — August 17, 2006 @ 5:36 pm
Happy Birthday Luap!
Comment by Esmee — August 17, 2006 @ 6:11 pm
seee…… i’m ignored again….
duh (5 hours to go)….
Comment by treespotter — August 18, 2006 @ 6:02 am
What happened to my comments, Pauly?
Comment by AMY — August 18, 2006 @ 7:01 am
Happy (somewhat belated) Birthday!
Comment by Melanie — August 18, 2006 @ 8:44 am
No Botox! Have you seen Axl Rose lately? Yeesh.
Happy belated birthday.
Comment by fringes — August 18, 2006 @ 11:51 am
Here’s a Swedish birthday song for you, Paul(y):
Ja, ma han leva,
ja, ma han leva,
ja, ma han leva uti hundrade ar.
Javisst ska han leva,
javisst ska han leva,
javisst ska han leva uti hundrade ar!
Och nar han har levat,
och nar han har levat,
och nar han har levat uti hundrade ar,
ja, da ska han skjutas,
ja da ska han skjutas,
ja da ska han skjutas i en skottkarra fram!
Han leve: Hurra! Hurra! Hurra! Hurra!
Comment by the swede — August 18, 2006 @ 12:15 pm
ROCK – happy day.
Comment by T. Malone — August 18, 2006 @ 4:07 pm
Happy Birthday… You might want to rethink living in the kid’s garage. IF you are fortunate to live in one of those retirement villages, it is said that the women outnumber men about 5 -1. OK, right now, an 80-year-old woman doesn’t conjure up wicked images, but you never know in 50 years?
Comment by Janej — August 19, 2006 @ 7:40 pm