Today’s Wrong Number Transcript

Me: “Hello?”
Them: “Hey, is Hector around?”
Me: “This is Hector.”
Them: “This doesn’t sound like Hector.”
Me: [With bad Mexican accent that sounds German] “Hallo, dis is Hector.”
Them: “C’mon, put on Hector!”
Me: “Ok, sorry. One sec.”
Them: “Thanks.”
Me: “Heyyyyyy!”
Them: “Hector, is that you?”
Me: “Yeah. Who’s this?”
Them: “This isn’t Hector.”
Me: “Look, this is Hector. I’m hanging up if you don’t tell me who this is.”
Them: “It’s Dough Boy.”
Me: “Dough Boy?”
Dough-Boy: “Yeah, man. Are you coming tonight?”
Me: “You really let people call you Dough Boy?”
Dough-Boy: “I called the wrong number, eh?”
Me: “Dough Boy, really? I mean, doesn’t that sort of make you feel self-conscious when people have given you a nickname based on a fat, bloated white sentient piece of dough?”


17 comments on “Today’s Wrong Number Transcript

  1. Will - August 12, 2006 at 10:15 am -

    Wow. I realize now that all my wrong number phone conversations have all been SO boring.

  2. Jodi - August 12, 2006 at 10:24 am -

    THAT was hilarious!
    We have similar little diddies. My answering machin is in different languages as well, throws people off.
    Our old number was close to a Pizza Chain…we used to take the orders…(I worked for that chain as well, so I had a sick profound glee in this as well).

    Not boring at all

  3. Julia Farley - August 12, 2006 at 10:28 am -

    I always found that keeping a chainsaw around is helpful. When they start their banal chatter, just rev that sucker up. They won’t call again. Well, unless they are kinky bastards, then, well, you better tap your line.

  4. ro - August 12, 2006 at 1:01 pm -

    I want to know more about why he’s called dough boy…what happened to him? why is he dough boy? that’s as hillarious as being called michelin man…then again, one is a man, the other a boy. thanks for the chuckles.


  5. Merel - August 12, 2006 at 4:17 pm -

    I too feel that my wrong number conversations have been heavily lacking. Thank you for showing me the way, now I will never have to have a boring wrong number conversation EVER again!
    Also, thanks for making me laugh, I needed that.

  6. Amy - August 12, 2006 at 6:20 pm -

    When I’m feeling like being nice, I always tell the person on the other line that so-and-so is making a sandwich and I’ll have him/her call them back. When I’m feeling like being a jerk, I tell them that the person they’re looking for is doing something, er, naughty. Wink, wink…

    I frequently get calls asking for Yuri, the owner of a certain hair salon. I now tell them that Yuri is dead because I’m so sick of getting the calls. I’ve had this number for over three years. People still call.

  7. Chrs - August 12, 2006 at 9:48 pm -

    Wow, this raises wrong number scripts to a new level. I can’t wait for the next wrong number!!

  8. *lynne* - August 12, 2006 at 10:13 pm -

    oooh this is a novel way of dealing with a wrong number! thanx for the laugh!

  9. Twobuyfour - August 13, 2006 at 5:33 am -

    Yeah, but what about Hector, people? Are you all so callous as to not wonder what Paul has done with Hector? Why was Paul answering Hector’s phone? Why was he prevented from answering himself? What has happened to the body? Will Dough-Boy be framed and take the fall?

    When I was growing up my folks’ phone number was very similar to the Machinists’ Union number. We’d go years with no problems, but then they’d go on strike and we’d be inundated. I used to always tell them the strike was off and they could go back to work in the morning – everyone got a big raise!

  10. better safe than sorry - August 13, 2006 at 8:02 am -

    maybe he’s dough boy as in cash, not bread.
    i had a wrong number once years ago, called my friend terri, but there was a person there named terri and wound up having a ten minute conversation before either of us realized i had called the wrong number.

  11. ro - August 13, 2006 at 2:25 pm -

    yes, dough as in cash and not bread….but bread means cash as well, no? maybe he’s a wordsmith as well?

  12. Nanette - August 13, 2006 at 8:05 pm -

    I just read this to my hubby…and we laughed. 🙂

  13. Pauly D - August 13, 2006 at 8:08 pm -

    Nanette – Well, N. They do say that laughter IS the best medicine. And the best way to kill time. And also a great Sunday night activity after you watch TV.

  14. Karl - August 13, 2006 at 9:03 pm -

    Listen, I’m not proud of the nickname but there’s no need to make fun of me for it. Geez, Pauly, I thought you were a little more sensitive.

  15. Kevin - August 14, 2006 at 7:36 am -

    I really want to say something profoundly funny, but I’m laughing too hard. That’s great.

  16. James Cooper - August 14, 2006 at 9:29 am -

    At a previous residence my home number was very close to that of the local hospital and I therefore answered many calls from people seeking hospital information or aid. I never thought to play along and mislead those callers. That was likely a good thing.

    Your conversation with Doughboy on the other hand, classic gold.

  17. Jacquie - August 16, 2006 at 1:05 pm -

    That just brought back fond memories of your last podcast where you were doing the accents pretending to be the business owner. I’m laughing as if I just listened to that podcast a couple minutes ago instead of what? Two weeks ago???

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