Janet Is Evicted (The Q&A Session)

It was a chain of events that no one saw coming.

On August 9th, a post was written about Lucky Charms and Janet left a comment. On August 10th, WFME readers voted to evict commenters from the previous day’s post in what was to be a groundbreaking event for blogs worldwide. And when the votes were tallied at Midnight PST that day, Janet was evicted and booted from WFME — leaving her banned from commenting on this blog until September 1st.

This morning, we sit down with WFME’s first lady of leaving… WFME’s booted banterer… WFME’s kicked-off commenter, Janet — and see just how things look this morning from the other side of the domain.

What started as a normal post for WFME about changing cereal for the better, resulted in a slew of commenters unknowingly involving themselves in what was about to be a contest of wills, determination and plain ol’ eviction surprise. It was regular WFME reader Janet who offered up this opinionated comment on the proceedings:

“My favorite cereal is Wheaties. I hate to say I disagree with this entire post… but I DO. If you became president of Post, I’m afriad I would have to move to Canada. Think of the children Paul. Do you want all of them diabetic or something?”

That comment was left on August 9th, 2006 at 10:03pm. It would be a date that would live in infamy for Janet as just one day later WFME would receive a stunning 59 votes to evict a variety of commenters. Lurkers would come out of the woodwork to participate in a swift and heartless eviction that would leave poor Janet reeling.

This morning, the two of us talked. And here are the transcripts from that conversation, which just may shed some light on how it feels to be loved, ridiculed and tossed into the digital garbage while “the overlooked villains of yesterday’s post” remain free to comment whenever and wherever they please.

WFME: “So, Janet. What happened? Why do you think you were the one who got evicted from WFME?”

Janet: “Ahh Paul I can’t help wondering if this is an underhanded plot to get back at me for the comment about Diabetic children yesterday. Really, who’s counting these votes?”

WFME: “Is there anything in particular you’d like to say to the people who evicted you?”

Janet: “What the hell did I do to you?”

WFME: “Any thoughts on the Meme/Nicole rivalry that took place in the comments section? Any thoughts on why Meme or Keith (who both were voted for numerous times but just didn’t get voted for as much as you) didn’t end up getting ousted and it was you instead?”

Janet: “Meme was going in for the kill on that one. Damn Nicole, are you Irish? I assume that votes against Meme were only from people jealous of her spotlight, and the number of your readers who are jealous pricks are much less than the number of readers who dislike Wheaties. (Awwww….) And Keith. Well, that’s a question for Tony Snow.”

WFME: “Let’s talk about your favorite cereal being Wheaties. How did that happen and why?”

Janet: “Cereals loaded with sugar make… mee …. feeell… like……… this. Cereal made out of bran and fiber makemefeellikeIcanRUNAMARATHON! It’s the breakfast of champions! Pauly, go figure.”

WFME: “In your cereal post comment you threaten to move to Canada if I become President of Post Cereal. Why Canada?”

Janet: “I spoke rashly. I meant France.”

WFME: “What emotions are you feeling right now? And then, what color do those emotions make you see? And if you could name that color a different name than the name it’s known for, what name would that be? And can you use that new name in a poem? If so, let’s see it.”

Janet: “You know those comic books that have pages covered with POW and SHATTER and FLYING SALIVA? The words are usually outlined in yellow or orange to give an impression of violent shock. Yellow, as far as the name yellow is concerned, is a very nice name (Thank you Coldplay, for calling it “Yellow”). But Orange is actually the name of a fruit and frequently causes confusion. (Tourist: ‘I’m looking for orange-‘ Local: ‘De oranges! Walmart you ass!’ Tourist: ‘No, no, I want a street.’) I would change “Orange” to Snazzberry, because that fruit doesn’t exist.”

WFME: “So, no commenting until September 1st. What will you be doing with all your spare time?”

Janet: “Packing. I’m not wanted here.”

WFME: “If I told you that you could keep commenting but it would mean having to swallow a living, breathing gecko — would you do it and why?”

Janet: “Paul, have you ever seen someone attempt this? I hate to recall my freshman year of High School, but this story needs to be shared: Our hotel rooms in Hawaii not only smelled strongly of mildew, but was infested with roaches and geckos, whom we all christened Bob. (This hotel was GHETTO. There, in fact, was a stabbing one the floor above us the third night we were there.) At any rate, there were too many geckos and pina coladas for a bob-eating experiment to not take place. The gecko-eater actually swallowed the damn thing, but than began turning various shades of red until he made it to purple and was rushed to a drive-through ER.

[*crickets*]

How big a gecko are we talking?”

WFME: “Anything you’d like to plug? A website, blog or project you’re working on? It’s the least we can do for you.”

Janet: “My only claim to Internet fame is: www.janetiswriting.blogspot.com. I am, however, finishing a play, whose production will commence shortly after arriving in New York City. Keep an eye out for it. Maybe buy a couple tickets.”

WFME: “This Q&A interview will be the last time you can communicate with the WFME readers until September 1st. Any last words?”

Janet: “I thought we had something. I really, really did.”

And with that, we bid farewell to WFME pal and frequent commenter, Janet.

[Insert Rod Stewart’s version of “Forever Young” laid over the following montage moments of Janet’s comments over the last few months…]

“My favorite cereal is Wheaties…”

[A dramatization of someone who looks like Janet, typing…]

“This could be a pro for your future income! Imagine if you could train your twitch and make your skin dance! Everyone would want you for a bartender.”

[A close up zoom-in of Janet’s face…]

“The question is this: Are you double the amount of stupid if you slow down and then get into an accident of your own? And if you don’t know the answer to that one, go ahead and triple your stupid score.”

[An image of me…crying and waving goodbye…]

“After reading your blog for quite some time now, I have come to the conclusion that you have very odd friends and enemies. Associates in general. I cannot quite relate to the described situations in which smell-finder wannaba tortures the conversation, because funnily enough, it appears I live in an area where they have not begun to breed yet.”

[And we fade out…]

Be sure to find out what happens on September 1st by coming here on September 1st and, um, seeing how this all resolves itself when Janet is once again allowed to return… If she returns at all.

WFME thanks her for being a sport — and she will be receiving first edition signed copies of both my books for her trouble.

28 comments on “Janet Is Evicted (The Q&A Session)

  1. Julia Farley - August 11, 2006 at 5:07 am -

    Phew! I made it under the Pauly Wire. She should have touted FROSTED mini wheats. That would have garnered her a wee bit of breathing space. Mmmmm gekkos! Great with a bit of salsa verde atop. They will not sit still for the Ritz, however. One *could* tie them down to a Stoned Wheat cracker given the time. And, frankly, given the motivation of remaining on Pauly’s comments page, I would scoff one down for the Gipper. Books or no books. Signed or not.

    Let’s just rip us apart a turtle while we are at it.

    Hey, d00de, pass the salsa.

  2. Mark K - August 11, 2006 at 5:23 am -

    Julia- still here? Unbelievable.

    This was our chance, people! This. Was. Our. Chance.

  3. dgm - August 11, 2006 at 5:45 am -

    had i known i could have scored two autographed books, i would have begged the people to vote me off.

    i guess.

  4. Pauly D - August 11, 2006 at 6:03 am -

    Mark – See, that’s just how it happens on the reality shows, too. The people you expect should be gone… The real troublemakers… They never go. It’s always the innocent sweet ones that get thrown out on their butts.

  5. Peter - August 11, 2006 at 6:03 am -

    This is the singlest biggest outrage since Lauren took Jason back on “The Hills.”

    Janet is more than welcome up here in Canada.

    Jason from “The Hills” is not.

  6. Meme - August 11, 2006 at 6:38 am -

    Hahahahaha…you foolish, foolish people. You had the chance to vote me off and you took down sweet innocent Janet. Janet, the girl who decorates her own cupcakes and dreams of one day moving to New York.

    Now you have to suffer through my comments. And my comments will make you feel: angry, irritable, unsettled, naughty, and so dirty that you will need to jump in the shower immediately following. But they will also keep you coming back, hitting refresh on your browser to see if I have commented again, copy/pasting them into a collage that you print and tack to an alter dedicated to me, reading them aloud in the voice of Barry White.

    Oh, you will.

    And vote me off, you won’t. Even the next time around. Even if Nicole rallys all her forces, gathers petitions, and follows up with her ‘hitman’ threat (which it turns out is one guy with an Italian sounding last name that lives with his mom in South Jersey.) In fact, I predict darling Nikki will be the next to fall because without immunity she will have to defend herself against my powerful forces of charm and subtlety.

    That having been said, I love you all…now let’s go roast a pig and pass the conch shell around.

  7. Kevin - August 11, 2006 at 7:10 am -

    Janet will be back come September 1. And she will do so with a vengeance. Beware, folks.

  8. Julia Farley - August 11, 2006 at 7:18 am -

    Hear the sound of crunching gekkos! Yes, Mark, I am still here. And, harumph! I thought you people LIKED me? Zheesh. A little wit and you people crumble. Or perhaps it is the PETA clan that has been all riled up?

    Really now…tut tut, I am no trouble maker.

    Tribal council has spoken. Let’s just get back to eating slugs and making rafts ot of banana trees. Who has the skimpy bathing suit? And, ah, pass that coconut around, I need me some Kava Kava.

    *paddles off to rid herself of the emotional lice that are my disbelievers*

  9. Amy - August 11, 2006 at 7:27 am -

    Wow! That IS an amazing turn of events, Pauly.

  10. Hilary - August 11, 2006 at 8:20 am -

    How do we know Paul isn’t just making this up? Have the votes been verified by an independent accounting firm (or whatever)? Hmmm.

  11. sarah - August 11, 2006 at 8:21 am -

    The funniest thing about this whole thing is all the angry and catty comments that came out – especially between the girls! Will things be weird now? 😛

  12. James Cooper - August 11, 2006 at 8:37 am -

    Huh, I didn’t see that one coming. Guess I’ll just have to head over to DeWolf’s for Janet’s commenting goodness.

    Guess it’s time for me to crawl back into my shell and do more lurking…

  13. monkeyinabox - August 11, 2006 at 9:14 am -

    This is America people! I did my part and didn’t vote! Now I can bitch about the result…

    Poor Poor Janet, she’s always taking the backseat to Chrissy. It’s always the blonde bimbo that gets past Jack’s critical eye and… ohhhh wait.

    Once again I confused this blog with 80’s TV re-runs. What were we talking about anyway?

  14. Julia Farley - August 11, 2006 at 9:45 am -

    okay, funny hat off now:

    Jussoyano, since you don’t know me well…*everything* I wrote is in jest and humor and in a hefty dose of sarcasm. I hold no ill will for any of you. And, for the record, I read everyone else in the same vein.

    funny hat back on: pfftttttttttttttttttt!

  15. Nicole - August 11, 2006 at 10:08 am -

    Janet (assuming you may still be reading this blog even though you cannot comment for a few weeks)- For the record, I’d like you to know that I did not vote for you. And I really didn’t see this one coming. Personally, I thought it was a bold move admitting that your favorite cereal is Wheaties, especially after Paul’s persuasive arguments for all-sugar, no-bran cereals and the agreement of most of the commenters. But at least you get signed copies of both of Pauly D’s books. That’s quite a nice consolation prize, and should keep you busy until you can return. You will be missed.

    And Meme- Bring it on. I’m not scared of you. But I’m pretty sure charm and subtlety are not your most well-known traits around these parts.

  16. sarah - August 11, 2006 at 1:39 pm -

    and then there was silence.

  17. Anne - August 11, 2006 at 3:34 pm -

    Poor Janet.
    Haha. See if I comment again. (evil laugh)

  18. better safe than sorry - August 11, 2006 at 4:39 pm -

    she’s now been forced to assume the role of stalker, beware!

  19. Brooke - August 12, 2006 at 5:13 am -

    I could see this coming. Pauly is very serious about his breakfast items. He hasn’t even spoken to me since I told him I don’t drink juice.

  20. Pierce - August 12, 2006 at 5:47 am -

    This is the best thing that has ever happened on pauldavidson.com, or whatever this site is called.

    Are you not scared of angering the masses, Pauly, with these shady “electoral” proceedings? What if it kills the readership? What if everyone, for example, decided to stop commenting here for a set period of time? I think it’s about time commenters get unionised, to prevent these kind of arbitrary decisions affecting us all.

    Would the silence drive you crazy?

  21. Pauly D - August 12, 2006 at 9:07 am -

    Pierce – You make a good point about commenters unionizing themselves, but let me make this ABSOLUTELY CLEAR. The first person to even hint at unionizing here at WFME will find a severed horse head in their bed. Be happy with the benefits you have as commenters now. Don’t risk losing those by trying to organize.

    But yeah, the silence might drive me crazy.

  22. Pierce - August 12, 2006 at 9:58 am -

  23. treespotter - August 13, 2006 at 10:05 am -

    just realized, from all those anonymous commenters with no pics, why do you have to evict someone pretty?

    janet, you’re invited to comment at my place, really, anytime. from here on to September 2009.

  24. Janet - August 14, 2006 at 7:04 am -

    Just for clarification’s sake, were all Janets evicted, or just this one?

    Thanks:)

  25. Pauly D - August 14, 2006 at 8:05 am -

    Janet – Yeah, you’re OK.

  26. […] In early August, WFME reader Janet was evicted from the blog by her fellow commenters. […]

  27. […] In early August, WFME reader Janet was evicted from the blog by her fellow commenters.  […]

  28. Gres - September 2, 2006 at 11:15 pm -

    Can anyone comment?
    Wow… Anyone can comment! Does this make me someone?
    Wow… I am someone!…!
    Wow… Im Happy.

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