It was a chain of events that no one saw coming.
On August 9th, a post was written about Lucky Charms and Janet left a comment. On August 10th, WFME readers voted to evict commenters from the previous day’s post in what was to be a groundbreaking event for blogs worldwide. And when the votes were tallied at Midnight PST that day, Janet was evicted and booted from WFME — leaving her banned from commenting on this blog until September 1st.
This morning, we sit down with WFME’s first lady of leaving… WFME’s booted banterer… WFME’s kicked-off commenter, Janet — and see just how things look this morning from the other side of the domain.
What started as a normal post for WFME about changing cereal for the better, resulted in a slew of commenters unknowingly involving themselves in what was about to be a contest of wills, determination and plain ol’ eviction surprise. It was regular WFME reader Janet who offered up this opinionated comment on the proceedings:
“My favorite cereal is Wheaties. I hate to say I disagree with this entire postâ€¦ but I DO. If you became president of Post, Iâ€™m afriad I would have to move to Canada. Think of the children Paul. Do you want all of them diabetic or something?”
That comment was left on August 9th, 2006 at 10:03pm. It would be a date that would live in infamy for Janet as just one day later WFME would receive a stunning 59 votes to evict a variety of commenters. Lurkers would come out of the woodwork to participate in a swift and heartless eviction that would leave poor Janet reeling.
This morning, the two of us talked. And here are the transcripts from that conversation, which just may shed some light on how it feels to be loved, ridiculed and tossed into the digital garbage while “the overlooked villains of yesterday’s post” remain free to comment whenever and wherever they please.
WFME: “So, Janet. What happened? Why do you think you were the one who got evicted from WFME?”
Janet: “Ahh Paul I can’t help wondering if this is an underhanded plot to get back at me for the comment about Diabetic children yesterday. Really, who’s counting these votes?”
WFME: “Is there anything in particular you’d like to say to the people who evicted you?”
Janet: “What the hell did I do to you?”
WFME: “Any thoughts on the Meme/Nicole rivalry that took place in the comments section? Any thoughts on why Meme or Keith (who both were voted for numerous times but just didn’t get voted for as much as you) didn’t end up getting ousted and it was you instead?”
Janet: “Meme was going in for the kill on that one. Damn Nicole, are you Irish? I assume that votes against Meme were only from people jealous of her spotlight, and the number of your readers who are jealous pricks are much less than the number of readers who dislike Wheaties. (Awwww….) And Keith. Well, that’s a question for Tony Snow.”
WFME: “Let’s talk about your favorite cereal being Wheaties. How did that happen and why?”
Janet: “Cereals loaded with sugar make… mee …. feeell… like……… this. Cereal made out of bran and fiber makemefeellikeIcanRUNAMARATHON! It’s the breakfast of champions! Pauly, go figure.”
WFME: “In your cereal post comment you threaten to move to Canada if I become President of Post Cereal. Why Canada?”
Janet: “I spoke rashly. I meant France.”
WFME: “What emotions are you feeling right now? And then, what color do those emotions make you see? And if you could name that color a different name than the name it’s known for, what name would that be? And can you use that new name in a poem? If so, let’s see it.”
Janet: “You know those comic books that have pages covered with POW and SHATTER and FLYING SALIVA? The words are usually outlined in yellow or orange to give an impression of violent shock. Yellow, as far as the name yellow is concerned, is a very nice name (Thank you Coldplay, for calling it “Yellow”). But Orange is actually the name of a fruit and frequently causes confusion. (Tourist: ‘I’m looking for orange-‘ Local: ‘De oranges! Walmart you ass!’ Tourist: ‘No, no, I want a street.’) I would change “Orange” to Snazzberry, because that fruit doesn’t exist.”
WFME: “So, no commenting until September 1st. What will you be doing with all your spare time?”
Janet: “Packing. I’m not wanted here.”
WFME: “If I told you that you could keep commenting but it would mean having to swallow a living, breathing gecko — would you do it and why?”
Janet: “Paul, have you ever seen someone attempt this? I hate to recall my freshman year of High School, but this story needs to be shared: Our hotel rooms in Hawaii not only smelled strongly of mildew, but was infested with roaches and geckos, whom we all christened Bob. (This hotel was GHETTO. There, in fact, was a stabbing one the floor above us the third night we were there.) At any rate, there were too many geckos and pina coladas for a bob-eating experiment to not take place. The gecko-eater actually swallowed the damn thing, but than began turning various shades of red until he made it to purple and was rushed to a drive-through ER.
How big a gecko are we talking?”
WFME: “Anything you’d like to plug? A website, blog or project you’re working on? It’s the least we can do for you.”
Janet: “My only claim to Internet fame is: www.janetiswriting.blogspot.com. I am, however, finishing a play, whose production will commence shortly after arriving in New York City. Keep an eye out for it. Maybe buy a couple tickets.”
WFME: “This Q&A interview will be the last time you can communicate with the WFME readers until September 1st. Any last words?”
Janet: “I thought we had something. I really, really did.”
And with that, we bid farewell to WFME pal and frequent commenter, Janet.
[Insert Rod Stewart’s version of “Forever Young” laid over the following montage moments of Janet’s comments over the last few months…]
“My favorite cereal is Wheaties…”
[A dramatization of someone who looks like Janet, typing…]
“This could be a pro for your future income! Imagine if you could train your twitch and make your skin dance! Everyone would want you for a bartender.”
[A close up zoom-in of Janet’s face…]
“The question is this: Are you double the amount of stupid if you slow down and then get into an accident of your own? And if you donâ€™t know the answer to that one, go ahead and triple your stupid score.”
[An image of me…crying and waving goodbye…]
“After reading your blog for quite some time now, I have come to the conclusion that you have very odd friends and enemies. Associates in general. I cannot quite relate to the described situations in which smell-finder wannaba tortures the conversation, because funnily enough, it appears I live in an area where they have not begun to breed yet.”
[And we fade out…]
Be sure to find out what happens on September 1st by coming here on September 1st and, um, seeing how this all resolves itself when Janet is once again allowed to return… If she returns at all.
WFME thanks her for being a sport — and she will be receiving first edition signed copies of both my books for her trouble.